staticwarpundit

merciless mania

2011-08-27T15:46:00.000-07:00

mania as it relates to daily life

i've come to realize that i'm a maniac. a friend of mine used to tell me all the time that i'm manic. as with most ugly truths, i chose to shrug it off and assume i was misunderstood. but as the days wear on and i observe my own behaviour objectively i've begun to see the truth behind her statement. i may not be manic on a daily basis, but i am definitely a rollercoaster. luckily i did not get the depressive side of this typical and unrecognized disorder. as i consider how many interests i have and how fast i swing between them, never really accomplishing anything and never really getting anywhere, i have to admit that mania is the most accurate way to describe my overall attitude. i'm obsessed with something for about two weeks to a month, at which point something will get in the way and slow me down. during this slowdown i'll question what i was doing in the first place, i'll become disappointed that it's not going anywhere as quickly as i would like and find myself forgetting almost completely about it as i obsess over something new. time ceases to have meaning. i'll research something for what feels like 20 minutes only to discover that hours have passed. i'll work on something for as little as a week and become disenchanted because progress is so slow. ultimately i've been working on so many things for so long that it feels hopeless, feels like i never get anywhere.

but the progress is undeniable. i'm in a better situation right now than i've ever been in before. for all my steps back i feel like i'm finally getting somewhere with my interests, my life here, and my destiny as it relates to this time and place. i dont hate my job, i finally have the confidence and foundation in both my career and my studies to really begin moving forward with the things i've decided to focus on.

i dread the idea that my nature will hold me back again, that i'll find myself wondering why i'm not getting anywhere with anything. but i can now look forward to shorter upward climbs. i can look forward to hope, and to actual conclusions. for the first time, there is a definite plan taking shape in my head. things arent nearly as vague as they used to be, and thats a really good feeling.

the long road to hair

its really no wonder that 80% or so of people who decide to get into the beauty industry drop out either while still in school or within the first two years of their career. this is a rough business. school teaches you nothing while claiming to teach you the basics. basics? as defined by who? to me the basics of this profession are much more vast than what is taught in school. the stuff i learned in school could have been taught in 90 days or less. the rest of my education could have been spent teaching the actual methods of succeeding in this business such as how to build a client base, how to market yourself, and how to make clients happy and keep them coming back.

there are many facts omitted at the beginning of beauty school. you go in with your head filled up with ideas about how you are going to do fashion shoots and plays and movie stars and shit. the sad fact is that you will be lucky, lucky, to earn minimum wage for the first two years of your career while you break your back over a shampoo bowl, shave screaming kid's heads, and deal with asshole customers and lazy coworkers, all while having no fucking idea what you are doing. i had never heard the phrase "fake it til you make it" until i started working in this industry. what about the $10,000+ dollars i spent on my education? any chance i could have learned at least some of what i needed to know for that price? nope, the ten grand is the fee to start faking it. if i had known at the beginning that i would be expected to build up a clientele and hock products on people with no training in promotion or sales, i may have reconsidered my career choice. i'm friendly and charismatic, but i'm not a salesman. i have no interest in selling myself or retail products which do basically the same thing every other retail product does.

however, today i realized something. i've been selling myself to employers ever since i started working. i play up my resume, inflate my job skills and experience to sound more knowledgeable and important than i may or may not really be, and do the HR double talk slingo dance better than the next asshole. so if my new boss is my client, selling myself to them should be no different, with one exception.

looking for a position with a company is totally different than looking for a spot in an individual's life. businesses have set protocols for obtaining employment. individuals do not. how do you apply for a job with a client? how do you figure out who your client is, where they are, how to approach them, how to close the deal, and how to get their coveted referrals? there are a ton of ideas out there as to how to do this. i'm about to start throwing shit at the wall, because i need to know what sticks.

i realized that just having something to offer isnt enough. just having knowledge and skills does not bring people into your business, whether it be a salon, a software company, a dildo store or whatever else. if i am to ultimately own my own time and business, which is my goal, i have to develop a portable set of tried and true practices which quickly and effectively build and retain clientele. this is going to be one of the most challenging things i've ever done. i'm very friendly and outgoing, but i've never been a promoter or salesman before. i may already be a competent hairstylist (fucking finally), but if no one knows who i am then how do i make money with my skills?

i finally got a job at an upscale salon that does great work. i'm being trained on how to do refined, added value services that can be charged at a higher price than the chop shops i worked at before. the atmosphere, staff, and clientele are much nicer than i'm used to, which is a great blessing. our salon is also team based and paid hourly, which is unusual for a small independent salon. i dont have to worry about starving and being evicted as i train and build clientele, and clients are freely swapped between stylists. there is no cutthroat catty bullshit going on here. the client and the product are the focus, whereas in a commission (or hrly plus "commission bonus") salon, clients and techniques tend to be guarded like the golden fucking fleece.

however, today i found out that one of the stylists there only makes .50 an hr more than i do. she's been there two years. the girl who told me this was using this as a reason to look elsewhere for employment, and the aforementioned stylist is currently looking for a second job. at first this gave me pause, and i began to reconsider my intent to stay at this salon for a while. but then i realized why she still gets paid what she does.

its not that her skills are lacking or that she's lazy. its that she isnt bringing in money! if my quarterly review came up and i got denied a raise, i would understand if my sales had not gone up. if you're leveled off at a certain rate, the salon cant afford to pay you more unless you're bringing in the kind of money that justifies it. the worst part is, she doesnt know this, and doesnt know how to fix it. i consider myself lucky to have realized these things early in my career. i plan on moving around a lot. i dont want to be stuck in the same salon for years on end building clientele and then be unable to leave because i'm afraid to start over. i'm going to learn how to build and grow a steady client base so that i'm fully booked no matter where i am. whether you're renting a chair, getting commission or riding the clock at great clips, you're never going to get anywhere if you dont figure out how to do this.

now i just have to wade through all the bullshit and find out what works.

degree or not degree?

i've been toying with the idea of finishing my BA in computer science. one of the myriad reasons i got into the beauty industry is so that i could have a trade that i would enjoy doing while i put myself through school. there is nothing worse than slogging through a (shitty) full time job and a full course load while racking up debt and being so desperate for it all to end that you will take anything and do anything just to make it stop. i wanted to be in a position to say no to service sector and labor jobs. to be able to say, "no, i dont need to do that to get by. i'll pass" is an incredibly freeing thing. to have something i can do to sustain myself while i muddle my way into my dreams is something i'm glad i worked for.

but with this freedom to say no comes the freedom to question the validity of a degree. i see higher education as it stands right now as a total fucking scam. from what i understand, it used to be that a degree showed that you had a well rounded knowledge base, possibly with some specialization, that would make you more valuable to society and ultimately to an employer. over the course of four years, you would become intimately acquainted with selected texts on various subjects. you would learn how to study, do research, write meaningful documents and solve problems. this would come at a high monetary cost, but it would be reasonable when consideration was taken of how well placed you would be in the job market after your education was complete.

as it stands now, higher education has become an outmoded, bloated, bureaucratic endeavor that treats students like meaningless piles of shit. every semester, students are required to purchase $500-$1000+ worth of textbooks, most of which will not be read even halfway through. they are told that they will be able to sell them back at the end of the semester, only to find out that the courses have changed texts and that they are now left with a very expensive, verbose, and uninteresting paperweight. counselors and advisors will happily help you sign up for classes that may not even be required for your degree, and you will find out in your sophomore year that the course catalog and degree requirements have changed, which means you are now in it for another semester or two at the very least. no one is grandfathered in, everyone has to suffer through the same arbitrary requirements for their particular degree. if you are considering a two year degree at a junior college, forget about it taking two years. if you stop to consider the fact that the recommended course load for two year completion requires 15-20 credit hours per semester, when the recommended max course load is 12 credit hours, it quickly becomes clear that your two year degree just turned into a 3 or 4 year undertaking. if you need to work for a living during this time, i would be very impressed if you could take on even 8 credit hours without your grades dropping and your life becoming a living hell. considering the fact that most US high school students need remedial english and math classes by the time they graduate and you just added more to your course load and your debt.

lets not forget that degree completion does not necessarily make you upwardly mobile in and of itself. how many of our college grads are coming out of school with no local jobs to look forward to?

things have changed and our education system is keeping up about as well as a ford windstar racing a ferrari. that said, i dont know if i'll be rushing off to sign up at my local university for a few semesters of meaningless torture. as it stands right now, it's better to bone up on core subjects at your own pace so you can test out of them and keep your money and your time. you need to develop good study habits to make it through college anyway, so why not pick up a textbook and see if you can do it on your own before you sign up for a course you're unprepared for?

image, societal expectations, wearing down of the individual, loss and regaining of confidence

another reason i thought the beauty industry would be a good fit for me is that i wouldnt be expected to change the way i look just to get some work. i could have my hair down, paint my nails, pierce my face, dress stylishly yet professionally, etc.

i've come to realize this is only partially true. in a client based business, you have to make your customers comfortable with you. so much of people's perception of you is based on your appearance. if my client base is middle aged upper crust women, then unless i'm already famous for what i do, i have to present myself in a way that doesnt make them uncomfortable. you cant walk into a typical salon looking like takashi or robert cromeans in a matrix trenchcoat and a guy fawkes beard and expect to build up a client base.

realizing this sent me into a bit of a funk. all these years i've been retooling the way i look during the day, putting on this fake fucking costume just to make a buck. since we spend most of our waking hours at work, my appearance has suffered. i look in the mirror and i dont see myself looking back. i dont even wear makeup on the weekend anymore and i'm so out of shape that i dont wear the sexy clothes i used to. i feel like the world keeps hammering me back in, and every time i pop back out i get knocked back into place. i wasnt even allowed to wear cosmetics at my fucking beauty school. i've never been to the point of giving up completely, but i realized that i had given up to some degree and i hated myself for it.

but even after all that, i realized that i'm slowly but surely getting there. i cant let societal expectations place artificial boundaries on me. once i take this career where it needs to go i'll be able to look the way i want, and i dont have to worry about being "young enough" to pull it off. as long as i look in the mirror after work and feel like its me looking back, i'll be happy. pretty soon i'll even be able to do that while i'm working. that is going to feel absolutely monumental. there are always going to be people who look at me and wonder what the fuck i'm doing. i'm open to answering questions based on curiosity. but i'm done explaining myself when people vomit up their confusion in the form of derogatory accusations.

"whatchoo paintcho nail fo?"

"go fuck yourself."

new way of living diet

after trying a low cal, low fat diet recommended by my lovely girlfriend and getting no results, i'm about to try out the primal lifestyle. i'm confident that this is going to change my appearance and my self confidence for the better, and i cant wait to see some results. i'll be posting my results here so i can look back in wonder.

another new beginning

hopefully by the time i write here again, progress will have been made and i'll be a happier person, mania and all.

sz.sw.out

digital rape management

2011-01-22T18:16:00.000-08:00

when i download music, i tend to do so legally. this is usually pretty easy considering that most of the stuff i listen to is available for free under a creative commons license and distributed through simple websites and hosting services.

but occasionally i stumble across a band i like that is actually selling its music. when this happens, i normally dont mind shelling out a few bucks for a digital ep. i like supporting musicians i dig. when this can be done through a netlabel or a simple hosting site like beatport or soundcloud, its pretty painless. but if its done through a huge conglomo such as amazon, itunes, or a shitty site like bandcamp, the enjoyment of the music and the happy feeling of supporting underground musicians is quickly overshadowed by the FUCKING LUNACY involved with downloading from these types of services.

yesterday i decided to spend about 25 bucks on 4 different eps from three different bands, all of which were hosted on one of the aforementioned sites. it is now over 24 hours later and despite the fact that i paid for the music, i still do not posess it. lets start at the beginning, shall we?

i start off by going to tundradub.bandcamp.com and attempting to download the black mass ep for five bucks. bandcamp uses paypal for its transactions, which is a huge mistake. not only is paypal notorious for stealing people's money, it is also incredibly annoying to use. i havent used paypal since the great ebay moving sale of 2006, and i've changed bank accounts several times since then. so when i try to pay for the album i get redirected about sixteen different times because paypal keeps trying to get me to log into my account to pay for this ep, instead of just allowing me to pay with the card i'm currently using. it expects me to give up all my new bank information as well as my phone number in order to "pay more securely", which would entail a bunch of typing, many redirects through "secure" connections and about 20 minutes of my time, all for a FIVE FUCKING DOLLAR PURCHASE. i finally manage to wade through all of that and bandcamp then gives me the slowest possible download speed after "preparing" my download for so long that i thought my browser had frozen. two hours and five hard earned dollars later i finally had my THREE SONG ep.

then i head over to amazon to get "the cold world melts" by soft metals. instead of just allowing me to pay for the goddamn thing and download it, amazon now expects me to download another ridiculous and useless program called "amazon mp3 downloader" so that i can "download songs straight into itunes and windows media player", which i absolutely DO NOT WANT TO DO because itunes is the most useless piece of music library software ever written, closely followed by windows media player. i want a zip folder to put on my desktop and i'll organize my own music folders thank you very much. so since i didnt want to download their stupid fucking program, i had to download the songs one at a time, requiring about 30 clicks of the mouse and 15 minutes of my time. then i had to manually download the cover art. another hour and five more hard earned dollars later i finally have the ep i wanted.

now, lets talk about why itunes sucks so fucking bad. not only is it one of the least user friendly products i have ever interacted with, it is slow as hell and suffers from the same problem all macintosh products have: you cant do what YOU want to do with it, only what THEY want you to do with it. once you get the music from itunes, you have to jump through all kinds of hoops to use the songs with any other program and you have to practically sacrifice an infant to some dark and obscure god to listen to them outside of itunes. there's also the fact that you have to have an itunes account to buy music from itunes. all of this is related somehow to their idea of digital rights management, more properly termed as digital restrictions management, ostensibly so that you cant share the shit with anyone else who wants to hear it. well, i didnt want an itunes account, so i used my girlfriends account and a gift card she had in order to download three eps: introducing: tense, another ep by tense that i forgot the name of, and an album by darktown strutters. i got through enough of itunes' bullshit so that i thought i had the three eps downloading. i kept getting the error message "the itunes store is unavailable. please try again later." then itunes promptly crashed. the next problem with itunes and with many appications these days is that there is a new version every week or so and if you're perfectly happy with the old version well thats too fucking bad because it just wont work anymore when you try to actually use it for something.

so tonight i waited for two hours for the new version to download and install so that i can start torturing myself again. after all this bullshit, it's no wonder people pirate the shit out of all forms of media. its not just because they dont want to pay for it, although that is a big reason, it's because there is so much bullshit involved in doing things the right way that it is just not worth 30 hours of my time and a bunch of my hard earned money for a couple five dollar eps. if i could have pirated these things, i would have by now. but i'm cursed by the fact that the bands i listen to tend to be so fucking obscure that no one is out there sharing their shit for free.

somebody bring steve jobs over here so i can pull his head out of his ass and replace it with molten iron while i enjoy his screams of pain. this is what i feel like when i use itunes, steve. like molten iron in my colon.

fuckers.

sz.sw.out

rag time to riches

2011-01-01T04:24:00.000-08:00

i thought that my post about the tdlr licensing exam would be long and detailed, but it's not going to be. take heart, ye beauty school wenches, for the test is not so severe. i wouldnt recommend taking an energy drink beforehand if you arent accustomed to caffeine, because that shit made me tremble like an old lady with ms.

in fact, during the first segment, the manicure on a model, i was trembling so hard after drinking a "hydrive" that i almost could not polish my model's nails. a combination of nerves, caffeine, guarana, and whatever else they put in those things made me shake like a quake in cali. it was at this point when i looked at one of the proctors and asked, "so, do we clean up now, or what?" to which she responded, "do what you were taught in school."

seriously? thats it? do what i was taught in school? in school i was taught to gossip and watch movies, to evade my work and do nothing at all costs. in school i was taught that you should never work for visible changes, and that you can shoplift from the nail supply stores. in school i learned that women in packs love to have pot luck lunches for any and all reasons, and that even if its your birthday and you want vietnamese then we're still going to panchos because by god honey "my stomach cant handle that chinese food."

in school i learned that most people drop out. in school, i learned that going to beauty school and working full time do not mix. i learned that it's incredibly difficult to keep up your clock hours while paying rent, taking care of babies, supporting your $100+ a week pot/drug habit (this was someone i met, not me, honest) or dealing with your parental or roomate drama, all of which could be taking place at once and still be non specific to one another.

i saw more people drop out than i care to even think about. but a few of us pulled through. having already botched an attempt at an AA degree in computer science, i wasnt about to let anything stop me from getting my cosmetology license. but so many people i met just werent ready to shoulder the boring, lengthy burden and get through it all.

anyway, i'm done now. i took my test. i was going to write a lengthy essay on the tdlr practical exam, its ins and outs and what you should and shouldnt do. but in the end it turned out to be a very simple thing. i'm pretty sure everyone passed, even with our various instructors from different parts of the state telling us myriad ways to do things. even if you didnt pay attention in school, if you at least paid attention to the testing criteria laid out in the candidate information bulletin from psi, you will pass. my instructor and school director had it right when they said that the written exam is the hardest part. it wasnt the toughest for me, as i can pass a multiple choice exam after glancing over the material. but for most peple, even the ones who had traveled to the test site from such far flung places as arlington, waco, and paris (tx), the easy part was the practical. we all packed our kits differently, did our practicals differently, and we were all nervous as hell. no one could even look anyone in the eye we were so damn skittish. but i'm pretty sure that everyone passed, even the girl who left a big wad of hair in the shampoo bowl.

i can sum my practical exam advice up to this:

dont talk to anyone for any reason.
work as fast as you can.
keep everything as clean as possible, and dont worry if something such as the floor is uncleanable (there was mad hair on the floor from the morning test [i took mine in the afterlunch] and they didnt give us any shit about it)
do everything as you were taught in school, and if you werent taught something, wing it and clean up as best you can.
pull the hair out of the drain when you shampoo your mona.

really, that is about it. i was so nervous i was ready to puke, and just by going through the motions and doing what i learned in school, i passed. with flying motherfucking colors. all of us did. i dont think anyone walked out of there without permission to apply for their license.

so roll in there knowing you will pass. if you made it through beauty school, you will make it through your practical. dont be any mnore nervous that you have to be. its super fucking easy. i mean, i did it, and i'm a listless drunk who will never amount to anything according to current statistics.

the hard part is finding the right spot to work once you have your license. i was really lucky in landing a chair at a cool local spot within bike distance of my house. the problem is, beauty school did not prepare me for the industry. i now have to work at a chain joint for a bit and settle for hanging out and answering phones at the cool shop til i'm ready to hit the floor. this is one of the things that damn near soured me on the whole beauty school situation. if you have to work while you're in school, you wont have the time to learn to do hair on your own, to practice the techniques of the sages and become good at your craft.

you see, the point of beauty school is not to learn how to be a cosmetologist. the point is to learn how to pass the stupid test. the whole fucking thing is one long, extended, incredibly boring, slightly brutal and very expensive hazing process. and the worst part is, once its over, unless you were blessed with the time and money to practice your craft while slaving away for free 30+ hrs a week, you graduate with ZERO idea of how to cut and color some fucking hair.

i landed a spot at a top local salon on my personality alone. thankfully, my sex worked in my favor FOR THE FIRST TIME EVER IN MY LIFE EVER because they really wanted another guy in the shop. problem is, i'm not ready to take on full price clients. i'm stuck working burger world like i have been my entire life until i can get my chops up and put highlights away in thirty minutes. dont even get me started on haircuts because i was never taught anything but the 90.

luckily the owner of the shop is willing to give me some time before i stand behind the chair theyre holding for me. even better, i managed to find a job at a franchise (fantastic slams) so that i can get the actual experience and make the mistakes i need to make before i start at the high end salon. i've studied a lot of message boards and talked to a lot of people and many will tell you to never work for a chain salon, that you should only work for the top-est notch place where you can apprentice and work you way up.

the brutal truth is that the people who do that DO NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT PAYING THEIR FUCKING RENT EVERY MONTH. i would absolutely love to work for practically nothing at a place that would teach me everything, but the simple fact is that i got my license so that i could pay my bills in a way that i enjoyed. i love the industry and the art and craft involved, but at the end of the day i am not going to sleep under a bridge for hair.

get through school, get your tests done, get your license, and take the first job you can get. learn everything you can and get the flying fuck out of there because you will probably hate great clips or fantastic sams as much as you hated waiting tables. but that first job is where you really start learning your craft, and no matter how low brow some people will say certain salons are, all of us start somewhere. john paul dejoria and vidal sassoon once had to work hard for their money. so it starts with us.

dont be afraid to take that first job, but never stop looking for the place that feels right for you. i'm lucky enough to have found mine, and they're working with me until im ready to tackle the floor. in the meantime i'm going to chop up some kids and old lady heads at fantastic slams. i can only hope that anyone who reads this finds their sweet spot and lands that job that they feel comfortable in.

the penis, mightier than the sword.

XD

ps:

never start for a salon such as visible changes, which makes you sign a contract which says you will pay for their education and/or work for them for several years, unless you know you want to be there. i had quite a few friends from school start at VC and quit within a week because of its stifling atmosphere and codgy management. the best education is always free, and any salon who expects you to pay for it after you already shelled out 5-10,000 for beauty school is just a fucking scam. find your education where you find your niche, and/or find it in a place where there is a ton of business no matter what, and your mistakes wont matter.

sz.sw.out

the squid from the underwater mario levels

2010-09-22T20:23:00.001-07:00

Everything about human interaction and communication that people take for granted seems so strange to me. Not because i'm afraid or anxious, i just get these moments where it freaks me out for a second. i'm like "damn, look at all these life forms. listen to their mouth sounds, i cant believe i understand this and can translate all this social nuance and signals and whatnot." all of these beings, moving through the space i'm in, all of them conscious of themselves in different ways, yet oblivious to so many things. willfully omitting from their perception certain indescribable truths and realities in order to live their "normal" lives.

damn. i want to write but i cant find the groove. i guess i'm not drunk or pissed off enough. be back in a few beers.

>:E

zaniness in zimbabwe

2010-09-01T22:31:00.000-07:00

i finally graduated. what a relief. now that my every waking hour isnt consumed by tending to plastic heads and work, i figured i would update this thing.

first, some incongruities that have bothered me today:

in an attempt to follow some of the advice presented in the the archdruid report, i purchased about $20 worth of weatherstripping and did my best to fill in the gaps around my door, ac unit, and windows. in the process, i broke one of my windows, creating a very large gap, more of a hole really, which could not be filled with 3/16" adhesive weatherstripping. i made do with taping some cardboard over it for now. oh, the irony.

it is so fucking hot here, i was sweating in the shower with the hot water turned off.

the tailpipe on my van has broken free of its moorings, which upon inspection turned out to be about sixteen coathangers in various esoteric tangles. it now makes a delightful scraping sound wherever i go. as it turns out, driving still sucks.

the ladies at the office which handles my student loan thought that my phone number was my social security number. i really dont see how you can mix something like that up.

i had to go through a practice state board exam, in which all of my carefully labeled and organized cosmetology test supplies got pulled out and thrown into a trashbag, as is the way of things at the exam apparently. now i have to redo what was undone. what bothers me about this is that i have seen multiple students graduate without taking this mock exam, and it has suddenly become a requirement. upon taking the test, i passed with a pretty good margin for error, as i knew i would. now i just have to pay my school a minor sum and pay the exam people a minor sum and then pass the exam and then pay the state yet another minor sum and i will officially be a cosmetologist in the state of TX. when people talk about "paying your dues" to get into this industry, they arent fucking kidding.

how about a quick school rant? (lol we know i dont do anything quickly XD )

it took me almost two years to finish a one year program. i paid dearly for my schools leniency in attendance, to the tune of about $4000 over and above my tuition. the program at my school is apparently designed for people who dont need to work, who live with their husband/boyfriend/parents/guardian, as it is pretty much a job you pay to attend. it starts at eight and ends at five with an hour lunch break. your advancement is based on clock hours, so you clock in and out every day just like working at some factory. throughout my tenure there i went through various states of exhaustion and listlessness caused by trying to pay my bills while basically working five days a week for free at some dojo monastery for beauticians. the parallels are striking: the students pay a great sum of money to the school, thereby ensuring poverty; the students practice the techniques of the senseis and study the texts handed down by the elders (for a fee, of course), they clean and maintain the monastery, and they trade their time and effort for rank and experience, in order to one day go out on their pilgrimage into the sinful world of the professional cosmetologist.

i fell asleep in class a lot, though i could pass the tests after reading the chapter once. i did everything i could to avoid actually working, and did my best to read trashy scifi or fantasy novels, eat, or sleep while i was there. my constant lateness and absence was due to poor foresight: i did not realize that i would be physically unable to wake up at 7:30 every morning and work nonstop until midnight and then go to bed around one am for a year straight without some major fuckups. i would miss for two weeks straight. when i woke up late, the "absence anxiety" as my university friend termed it, would make me rationalize not going if i woke up late, as it starts to feel wierd to go back after being absent so much. the shit you have to put up with as far as people asking you where you've been and trying to catch up to whats going on are pretty good deterrents to coming back.

this is one of the main reasons i saw so many people start the program and drop out: absence anxiety. it wasnt that it was difficult, its just that you can convince yourself that it is and you just stop going. most people drop out without ever coming back to do it formally. they just quit coming, afraid to come back and face what they've missed, and in the process rack up a surcharge so high that even if they did want to come back and finish, they would be working for months to pay off the time they missed, in order to get their hours released so they could test and get licensed.

i suppose this requires an explanation: the surcharge, as pertains to beauty school, is based on how many hours you miss after a grace period of 150 hours. your tuition is based on hours, working out to around 7-12 dollars an hour depending on where you go, so if you take more time than is allotted in the original program, you would need to pay extra to cover the extra hours that you were enrolled, even if you werent there to attend them.

confused? yeah, so was i. especially when i learned, well after my grace period and after racking up a metric shit ton of absence and lateness, that the surcharge is separate from you tuition, and has to be paid before your hours are released and you are allowed to test! when you sign your contract, this is not stated. this is not explained. what i figured, and what everyone else thinks when they hear about this, is "oh, no big deal. they just tack it onto my tuition and i pay off whats left over a few years after i graduate." well, thats what we thought, but we were wrong. DEAD WRONG.

not really dead, but definitely dead in the water when you realize "oh shit, now i've got to not only somehow get through all this shit without being late or absent EVER AGAIN (impossible) but i now have to somehow pay off this extra shit BEFORE i can get into my new career while simultaneously paying my rent, tuition, gas, utilities, phone, oh and buying all the supplies that i was told my school would provide, trying to eat once in a while and maybe occasionally trying to do something nice for myself to keep me from COMMITTING FUCKING SUICIDE."

lovely, right?!

(it should be noted that one student i knew racked up a surcharge which exceeded the actual tuition amount before she was forcibly dropped from the program. if you cant go and cant pay the surcharge, drop the fuck out as soon as you can! you can always start again later if you want! another girl managed to graduate this week, but is looking at slaving away at the fryers of church's chicken for an untold number of years to pay off her surcharge before she can get her license.)

now i, being a single, strapping young lad, capable of much labor and sweat of brow, managed somehow, through much luck, hard work, and conniving schemes, to actually have this surcharge pretty much paid off by the time i finished. i feel bad though for the women and girls i met in this program who have children and families, dont work, only managed to start school with financial aid and have zero chance of coming up with a couple grand in cash to pay off a surcharge that mounts up because of necessary family absences, personal obligations, or even just plain fear, laziness and absence anxiety. did i mention that it has to be paid in cash? the owners of the school are so shady that they only accept cash or blank money orders for surcharge payments. i've got a hunch that its basically just a slush fund so the owners can go to the titty bar or keep their country club memberships running. granted, the ownership has changed, and the previous owner was nice enough to make an "adjustment" to my surcharge to bring it down to something i could reasonably pay off within a few lifetimes, so i cant badmouth the guy too much. but come on, a blank money order? cash? why cant i make it out to the school? just what the fuck are you doing with my money?

certainly not buying supplies for the school, keeping cash in the register, hiring enough instructors, keeping the a/c running in the summer and heat on in the winter, stocking kits for new students, hiring enough staff so that the school director can retire before 70, or making sure that the school was run with some sort of credible competence. because that shit did not fucking happen.

if you plan on attending beauty school, get a combo lock and keep your shit in your locker or take it home with you. never let anything valuable such as shears or hairdryers out of your sight because that shit will disappear without a trace. dont lock your keys in your locker if you dont have a combo lock, because the school doesnt provide bolt cutters. also, if you want a locker, make sure you know someone with bolt cutters or a dremel because all of the available lockers will be locked up and full of some dropouts shit. one day i did everyone a favor and cut open about a dozen lockers that had been locked up and abandoned, most of which were empty or full of trash. more than once i had to either straight up break a lock or rip off the latch for someone who had locked their keys in their locker because the school couldnt be bothered to keep a ten dollar pair of boltcutters on hand.

be prepared to teach yourself just about everything as a competent or caring instructor is not guaranteed. i went through three instructors, the first of which was burnt out and apathetic, another which was stressed to the point of being rude and sociopathic, and the final one who was a godsend to all of us because she knows her shit and knows how to run a herd of bitchy, listless girls while keeping them productive, learning, and happy.

when you start seriously preparing for your state board exam, get a copy of the criteria which you will be graded on. read it carefully, as you will be taught any number of things which may be useful or not, but arent necessarily part of the scoring criteria. this makes sense if you think about it, because there are so many different instructors teaching different ways of doing the same thing. the criteria has to be generalized. all you have to do is make sure that you listen to your instructor and learn how they do things, regardless of what you may have learned in the past. it doesnt do anyone any good to piss and moan, and argue about how that wasnt the way you learned it at the last school/in jersey/in buffalo/in iran/in mexico/in vietnam or even from the last instructor. just listen, smile, nod, do what you're told, learn all you can, synthesize it for yourself and remember that when you actually take your test that your instructor is NOT GOING TO BE THERE.

there's more, but i think thats a rant for another time. as i slowly and willfully forget the experience, i may decide to not write about it at all. however i'll definitely write a detailed description of the texas cosmetology state board licensing exam, since there isnt anything remotely like it on the internet and i think that there should be. too many people go blindly or fearfully into situations like this, and too many never have the balls to do it at all. at one point in school i met a woman who had graduated 8 years before and tried to come back to review for the exam so that she could finally get her license. needless to say she left nearly in tears and never took her test.

when i graduated, we went out to eat. we always go out to eat or have a pot luck at my school, no matter what the occasion may be. its no wonder most of the women there are obese. anyway, i'm not the speechgiving type, so when they asked me to say a blessing and some inspirational words for the students, all i came up with was the only prayer i know, which i learned from the show good times:

"we got bread, we got meat, thank the lord, now lets eat!"

compare that to the last guy who graduated, gave a ridiculous and aimless speech and ended it in tears and i'd say it was a bit anticlimactic. but hey, i just wanted to get the fuck out of there. i am, however, very good at writing clearly and frankly about my experiences and i think that the cosmetology school students of texas deserve to hear my story, and to know what to expect. i'll do my best to put that down here.

sz.sw.out

2 weeks... again

2010-05-07T00:07:00.001-07:00

man i'm pissed. what the fuck is this shit. i come home and there are flies everywhere. before i come home there is a shitstorm at work.

yes... work. arbys. the legendary clusterfuck. my previous manager is dead. with her died any hope of a successful and happy work environment. when she got promoted out of the store i had high hopes for her, and i hoped also for a decent replacement. instead we get this guy. why does the restaurant industry attract passive aggressive psychopaths? he's alright one minute. a great guy, and a good boss, really. but the next minute he's a fucking lunatic. his main problem is absenteeism. how can you expect to run a store if you're never there? managers in my company get salaried for 50 hrs a week. my last boss was there for like 70. and not just shuffling papers or dicking off. she was right there, in the trenches, working just as hard and most of the time harder than everyone else. she was psycho too, but in a different way. the guy i'm dealing with now is unreadable. this is a guy who can sit in the dining room shuffling papers and trying to call a meeting with me while two people are working the store, running 15 minute wait times and serving raw meat. totally clueless. he recently rearranged the office so the the monitor is up against the back wall, enabling him to completely turn his back on the store, the staff, and anything that might be going on out there. talking about sticking your head in the sand.

back to the 50 hrs a week thing. so everyday i get in at 5 and i look at the punches and hes clocked in at 8 when he really got there between 9 and ten. ok, understandable. i wouldnt come in early if i was in his shoes. but the thing that galls me is when i have to punch him out at 6 when he actually split before 3pm. i havent seen the guy for almost two weeks straight. he works less hours than i do and im not even there for 40! now this wouldnt be so bad except that even for the hours that he's there there is no participation. his way of motivating people is to yell and threaten to fire them or write them up. in the cookbook of management, the recipes would say to use this type of attitude sparingly. luckily for me i dont have to work with him because he's always gone by the time i get there. the problem is that since he's gone by the time i get there, there is absolutely zero communication between him and i. so i'll only learn about important things or changes in policy secondhand at best, not at all at worst. we started to keep a notebook log of all manager communications to attempt to remedy this, which worked for a few weeks. but as of now i've written countless things in there, questions and statements that demand action and answers, and gotten almost nothing in return. not the least of which being a health inspection which had issues that needed to be addressed. after several days of no communique and inaction i wrote some questions in there about how we should address the issues raised in the inspection. so instead of thinking it through and answering me on all points, he highlights the minor questions and gives snippy answers that dont solve the problem.

you know what? i dont really give a fuck anymore. go ahead and fail your health inpection follow up. because i'm out of there. i finally found another job. it pays less, but it's closer to home and its not located in some shithole outskirt of town. go ahead and let the store run to shit while you blame everyone but yourself. shit rolls downhill man, and you're at the top. what i'm going to do is get the fuck out of the way.

it was nice when times were good, but now that things are spinning down the drain all you can do is be a dick and leave the store as soon as you get there. the crew doesnt much care for your attitude and neither do i. every day i come in and the place looks like a fucking hurricane came through, there is no product prepped or tempered, the dining room is a mess and i look around and there is no one but me to try and get shit back the way its supposed to look. this wouldnt be so bad if we were staffed accordingly, but it winds up being three people to clean up after you and your crew as well as deal with our withering dinner rush.

you wonder why your food cost is so high? i'll tell you why. at the same time as ARG in its infinite wisdom decided to launch a dollar menu, our back office software got reset. couple that with no one counting inventory on a regular basis and no established system of tracking waste and you've got a mess on your hands. and leaving a bunch of passive aggressive all caps notes about how no one eats for free, nothing gets thrown out and everyone is fucking up is not going to solve your problem. asking us to leave everything we throw out in a single trashcan and then put it on the desk for you to go through is fucking retarded. you want your bonus back? you want the higher ups to get off your ass? try a little thing called leadership. call a meeting, address the issue. let everyone know what the problem is and how we are going to solve it instead of just turning into a 300 pound preschooler and throwing a shitfit and expecting everyone else to take care of the problem for you when they dont even know what they're doing wrong! i walked in on someone today making a recipe with double the amount of meat that it called for and she's been doing this for months! was it her fault? was she wasting product on purpose? no! she had been trained wrong and there was no one there to correct her when she fell off course. big surprise there when you consider the fact that "training" in our store consists of reading a vague sheet of corporate instructions and signing the bottom stating that you understand, whether you do or not. no demonstration, no questions and answers, just a blind assumption that everyone will "get it". this may not be rocket surgery but we are not staffed with astral physicists.

basically not only are we dealing with the "everything must be a total clusterfuck at all times" arbys mindset, we have a person in charge who is totally incapable of leading his people through this morass of corporate insanity.

i'm sick of dealing with a person who expects way more out of his people than what he is willing to give them. its garbage to think that the store just "runs itself". if you're in charge, you have a responsibility to make sure that things run the way they should. coming in late and leaving early everyday is not the way to get that done. your food cost is high because of a software reset, poor inventory tracking, and the introduction of a vastly discounted new value menu. and to top that all off, as if we arent fucked enough right now, we are dropping fucking coupons this week. cue the sycophantic upper management myrmidons wondering out loud "wow, we're so busy, yet we're over on labor cost and we're not making any profit! food cost is out of control!" well, lets see. if you are selling something and making money, then you decide to give it away for free or at a tremendous discount, you are going to start losing money. man, i didnt even have to go to college to fucking figure that one out. anyone remember the great roastburger giveaway of 2009? or after that when they gave away "patty" melts for a month? or for the rest of that summer when every wednesday we gave something away for free? great business model assholes!

couple that with a corporate leadership so inept that they cant even capitalize consistently on their own goddamn buzzwords such as "five fer five" or "5.01 combo". am i the only one who saw the total lack of follow through on this? you introduce a bunch of combos for "five oh one" because they're "worth the extra penny" then not even a month later you come out with a dollar menu...

........ are you seeing where i'm going with this?

you spent all this money getting a new concept in customer's heads of being different for charging that extra penny for your slop and you cant even think hard enough to figure out that maybe you should carry that over to your new dollar menu? instead of "new 1.01 menu, worth the extra penny, just like the combos we just advertised" you totally trash all of the marketing capital you just spent on a huge ad campaign and you start over with "um, its like they give you bang for a buck, but we give you... um like ka boom"

SOMEONE PLEASE FUCKING STRANGLE ME BECAUSE I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE!

i cant even begin to talk about the vagaries that we went through on the various recipe changes, product revisions, policy changes, procedure changes, etc. suffice it to say that my franchise decided to deride the corporate edict and not apply any of the "big new changes" that were taking place because after years of working with the crackheads at ARG in atlanta they knew that as soon as we enacted the new changes they would send us a revision, then as soon as we took care of that we would receive another, and another, and another, until finally those fools forgot what they were going on about and moved on to some new corporate mandate that had little to do with the actual running of the business. our company decided to wait it out until they had undone their little procedural wedgie and go with the final revisions.

also, who the fuck launches a new value menu that is supposed to launch your business back into sustainability and then makes the drive thru point of purchase advertisement so fucking microscopic that NO ONE CAN SEE IT?

arbys restaurant group, thats who. bunch of fucking retarded, overpaid corporate schmucks. fuck these guys. there should be a tried and true fast food law that states:

when you work in the corporate arm of a foodservice establishment, any change to procedures and practices must be carried out for at least one month in an actual restaurant location by the people who formulated the plan for change. only then can a change go forward in committee to be established nationwide at the franchise level.

if these fucking suits got a load of the shit they were dropping on people and actually had to deal with it themselves they might, MIGHT think about making things a little more practical before they decide to mandate the adoption of new practices.

anyway, i'm quitting. i found a new job, for less money, thats closer to home. i may run into the same problems, in fact i know i will. but it will be from the standpoint of a powerless employee instead of a powerless manager. i'll be able to clock in, work, clock out and go home and not know about any of the insanity going on with the corporate side of things. and that makes me very happy. thankfully i'm almost done with school so i can say for sure that this is a temporary gig and i'll be out of there before the one year mark.

i stayed at this job longer that i've every stayed at any other, and they've made me regret it more and more every day. no wonder i used to change jobs every year.

fuckin rejects. work a day in the trenches and you'll see how business really is.

sz.sw.out

also, this

2010-03-29T23:49:00.000-07:00

poetry written while under the influence of drugs? why yes, we have that too! here is a sample:

i've seen you now
i know why you had to die.
i know why

i can see
it must end
to be set free

squeezing through a hole cut for one
everything and everyone
disappears
leaving only me

it hurts me to leave you
until i'm gone
but it hurts you to lose me
so i'll stay,
for now.

but now i know why
i have to die.

--------------------------------

psychic seduction
emotional vampiromancy
clinging on even through the host's defenestration

why do you need someone else to feel whole?
how can you tell me that i'm lying
when i'm just not telling you anything at all?

the only words i have
would cut you to pieces
and they are only hurtful
because they are true.

-----------

when you understand why shamans go through a symbolic death, you understand the struggle of life, and the way they help others through it. try and die sometime, and you will know your life.

sz.sw.out

several thousand sickles, synonymous with sound

2010-03-29T23:43:00.000-07:00

i want to make a new travel show. i want to show the food and scenery as i see it through my eyes, from salisbury maryland to san antonio and back. this may be a result of me drinking an entire bottle of thunderbird and a sixteen ounce beer. whatever the case, things are changing for other friends of mine. some are moving out, some are moving in. life is always in flux, yet mine is in a stasis. i have to work to get out of this. what the hell am i waiting for? fried pork skin and blue crabs. flashing lights and cornfields as far as you can see. whats the story behind that? i'm pretty sure i'm the only one who can really tell you. all i can say now is that i will try. and i will do it utilizing fire.

fuck blogs

2009-09-27T00:33:00.000-07:00

i am sick of them. there is nothing new to read. the new ones i find arent worth shit. i wonder to myself, were they ever worth reading?

the irony of me posting this to my own blog is not lost at all.

goodbye.

kali yuga, ma, sha ti de

2009-07-26T03:50:00.000-07:00

i look around and see death everywhere.

as the seconds tick by i see the world growing and dying in a vast, single instant.

the baby bird outside your door, still stares up at me from burning tarmac. ites eyes are gone but i feel its gaze and look to it every time i come here.

there is hardly anything left but the feathers it tried to grow before its life ended and its shell fell still.

most never see it, but it calls me every time i come here. even its corpse will soon fade to nothing.

what next will bring me to tears?

the smallest things make me break down, but i cant really cry anymore.

my eyes, wont stay shut. i'm staring beyond you into the rest of the swirling chaos.

i've noticed a lot of run ins between rand's objectivism and orlov's collapse preparedness philosophy.

the two main problems i see are:

an objectivist society will not work because the stupid and lazy vastly outnumber the intelligent and productive. the producers will be seen as elitist and evil and brought down, even if they built themselves up with nothing more than true grit and self sufficiency.

an orlov collapse preparedness society closely resembles communism in its purest form: a communism based on the community and barter economy, not on centralized government dictatorship and fiat currency. communes are still out there, and they seem to work fairly well as long as the number of people remains small. but with a vast population, communism simply doesnt function (at least not well enough to make people happy). if, however, you can break up a population of cyclopean proportions into small, sustainable groups, his ideas could work wonderfully.

i find that orlov's position on doing things yourself and being responsible for yourself to almost mirror rand's objectivism until we come to his idea of the gift economy, in which he states that altruism is a good thing, that when we are all indebted to one another, everyone gets richer. rand abhorred the concept of altruism, which she defined as the belief that one man's property , life, or time should be beholden to another for anything other that purely selfish reasons. to live and think this way is the purest act of evil according to rand.

these are generalizations, to be sure. rand's characterization of the wide eyed martyr and orlov's idea of an economy in which we all feel we owe each other something are extremes in a world made up of shades of grey. what i find fascinating is that that these two would vehemently disagree with each other on many topics if put to debate, yet their philosophies and solutions share so much in common.

the most disheartening thing is something i've known since i was old enough to observe the people around me: neither idea will ever get a chance to succeed on a large scale because of the inability of the human race to freely cooperate outside of clique-ish social structures and vast social inertia. good ideas fall to the side while madness, denial and suffering continue to reign, as people reach their hands to the sky and beg god for the answer that is right under their noses.

i'm glad kali yuga is here, and i'm glad i'm down here to watch.

watch
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ukJiBZ8_4k
and read
http://cluborlov.blogspot.com/2009/06/definancialisation-deglobalisation.html
to see what i'm talking about.

aclu moves to stop tortwig of pokeball detainees

2009-07-19T01:26:00.000-07:00

i, i , i, i, i , i , i just dont know no more. if your're going to put out something that's addictive in so many ways, and give it away for FREE why wouldnt you expect it to sell(?) like hotcakes and adjust accordingly? why would you mandate that a freezing cold sandwich be made with continually heated sauce when you microwave the fucking thing at the end of your ridiculous process anyway?

is anyone asking these questions? apparently not.

and apparently, if there are several thousand reports of incredible service from consumers, the only emails you get regard the horrible experiences of the few.

i cant even expound upon this. you know what i'm saying. are you doing a good job? well stop that! start doing better!

fuck this shit.

there really is nothing to say anymore. i've fucking said it all. we've gone through 4 measures and we're back on the ONE james brown style. listen to some dnb and you'll hear what i mean.

just stop. stop looking at me like that and stop fucking saying those things. i dont want to hear them and you dont want to say them, although they're true just dont bring it up. go home and remember nothing dont think about the things that brought this about and stop thinking about what you could have done differently and change yourself. with all that lewt you could have made bailey's taxi rich but now you're just wondering why it all happened. the signs were everywhere.

i hope i'm not ignoring those signs.

sometimes i feel like i'm just fucked.

next week i'll change it all. yes. yes i will.

i'll get back to you on whether things are different.

fuck fuck fuck.

thank you for the affectations, and for the affection. thank you for releasing a huge cyst off of my soul, popping a massive blister. i'm a little miffed that it came with lasting scars for another and minor nuisance for me. they'll hang on, for dear life when my ship leaves.

please let my tugboat start to putter out of port. i'm ready to leave! i'm pretty sure the others on the ship have reservations about where we're going and will pussy out and stay home.

things are going to get more expensive. what the fuck am i going to do? anyone want a roomate that will be too close for comfort?

sz.sw.out

third times the last strike

2009-07-10T23:39:00.001-07:00

man.

from now on i'm not saying shit about getting a new job til i get my first check.

needless to say i still work for greaspit international. i first thought i would get a new job when i was offered one by volt staffing. then i got an offer from the home depot, where i had applied a while back. the problem arose when the home despot wanted me to come in for an interview during the time i'm supposed to be in school, and ahead of my interview for the tech support gig that i wanted more. i arranged the home despot interview for a time after the volt interview so i wouldnt have to accept an offer from home despot then split on it when offered one from volt. homeboy sounded pissed and my friend who works there told me to forget it. why is it that just because i cant drop everything in my life for a second interview that i am disqualified from employment? then i put in my two weeks notice at arbys after volt extends an offer of employment. during these two weeks they hem and haw and fuck me around saying that there actually may not be any schedules that work around my availability. so for two weeks i'm thinking that i dont have the job they offered me.

then during the last week a former coworker who had moved up the ranks in my current company got his position eliminated (ie laid off) and went to work for another local franchise. when he came to pick up his last check he offered me way more money that any job i have ever had to come work for him. i called him the next day to tell him that i was down. the next week, he tells me that i'll be able to start after he goes home for some funeral bullshit. that same day, volt calls me telling me they have a position open for my availability and they would like to know if i can start training the following monday. of course i've already been given another offer for more lewt so i politely decline.

i'm sure you can see where this is heading. the day before i'm supposed to go in for my orientation at the new gig, homie calls me and says that he's quitting that company because the boss is an idiot and that i should just stay where i'm at because i'm better off there.

strike one: home depot interview postponed and ultimately canceled because of scheduling and other possible offers.

strike two: volt training declined because of better job offer.

steeeeeeerike three: better job offer falls through.

YER OUT!

i was totally unsurprised by this. i didnt even get pissed. at this point all i could do was chuckle to myself. did i play my cards wrong? should i have done something differently? well its too fucking late now.

i put my faith in this from the beginning, knowing that the only outcome would be the right one and vowing that i would be ok with it. and i am. my new (old) boss really has turned over a somewhat new leaf and is doing a great job. a lot of things about working for him are easier than working for my old boss. he doesnt come in drunk anymore and we're getting along great. there are a few kinks to be worked out but it's not all bad. i'm going to get to take my well earned vacation (hopefully) and go see my family for a week and get paid for it. i really need to focus on school and forget all of the hogwash about moving out of my current position as i'm stuck with it and, melons to melons, it aint all that bad, considering. i've got tenure there and can pretty much call my shots. i'm incredibly valuable to the company and to a certain extent can do what i want to. i'll never get another raise, but i'll be changing career paths as soon as i can get myself through school. i need to focus on what's important for the future instead of what i can do right now to get ahead in the short term. god knows if i had done that before i'd be living like a king.

they're going to raise my rent again in august. i know it. i'm supposed to be moving in with a not so close friend. i said before i'd never do the roomie thing again, but my expenses are stretched to the limit and i really need to get under the line again. the problem is that nine times out of ten, in smaller and less serious situations than MOVING IN TOGETHER this person manages to take simple plans and make them totally fall apart.

the other night she comes in towards closing time and asks if i want to go to my favorite club after work. it's some friend's birthday and they all want to go dancing. "fuck yes! i love dancing and i havent been to my favorite club in forever!" so i go home and get all dressed up and put on all my club gear and she picks me up. problem one occurs when we go to pick up someone else who doesnt really know if they want to go or not, and has one other party who is incredibly jealous of the fact that she may/may not go. eternal spans of time drag on and she finally gets in the car. keep in mind that i get off around 11 and the clubs have last call at 130. we finally leave around 1130 to go pick up someone else. after a bunch of shit she gets in the car and it's almost midnight. we get halfway to the club when i am informed of a change of plans. "oh, we're not going to the club anymore because whatshisnuts actually DOESNT LIKE TO DANCE so we're going TO THE PARK instead." to the park? THE FUCKING PARK? I GOT DRESSED UP AND MISSED MY BEDTIME TO GO TO A MOTHERFUCKING PARK? SHIT! but i am assured that there will be booze at said park so it's cool. i reluctantly agree to this. we get to the park and there is no booze save for a bottle of hot champagne. if you've never had hot champagne, just dont. its disgusting. to make things worse this has to be split between six people. this is the booze they spoke of that was supposed to make up for the fact that instead of going to the club and sweating off all my makeup i had to go to the park in 100 degree heat and sweat off all of my makeup being totally overdressed and unprepared for what was going down.

as we start through the HOT champagne, ideas get tossed around as to where to go next. everyone but me decides that it would be a great idea to hop the fence and go swimming in a closed public pool. by this time i am pretty ticked off and i need a smoke. out of six young people no one has a lighter and i have lost mine. "anybody got a light?" "i have one in my car you can go get it and bring back my smokes!" one young lady (the perpetrator of this horrible experience) exclaims. great. so i go to her car, sweating my overdressed as off. guess what? oh you know what! no lighter! in a tiny car filled with garbage, cast off clothing and empty cigarette packs, there is not even so much as a wayward match. by this time i am seething. i had planned on going to bed early as it was july 3rd and i had a big day planned for the 4th. i didnt throw all my plans in the shitter to go to a motherfucking park and go swimming in a closed fucking pool! so i go back down there, chewing on my tiny cigarette and inform all of the pansies frolicking in the water that i'm going to a bar up the street and could you please pick me up on your way out. i try not to sound/look pissed but i'm really bad at that.

i make it up the street and into a bar where i stand out like a broken piece of glass in your dick. i sit down and order a rum and coke. well what do you know some gigantic fucking drunk mexican starts breathing down my neck and saying that he was sitting there. "fine dude, it's all you. no problem." i definitely did not come here to start shit. i'll stand if i have to. i just want a drink to take the edge off of my SEETHING RAGE AT BEING DRAGGED OUT OF THE HOUSE WHEN I COULD HAVE BEEN SLEEPING TO A FALSE CLUB THAT TURNED OUT TO BE A PARK. so i find a spot at the corner of the bar to sip my drink and wait for my juvenile friends to get done skinny dipping in a closed public pool in a closed public park. next thing i know shit gets thrown down as the same motherfucker who tried to start something with me throws some other fuckface down ALMOST RIGHT ON TOP OF ME by the front door near the corner of the bar. pretty soon there is a huge melee going on and it almost bowls me over. i manage to get to safety as i hear the bartender talking about how he's worked there six years and never seen a fight. my friends pick this time to call me and tell me they are almost there. "well i might be a few minutes as THERE IS A HUGE ALTERCATION GOING ON AND THE FUCKING COPS ARE ROLLING INTO THE TINY PARKING LOT making it hard for me to get out. please bear with me."

remember how i stick out like sore nut in this place? well lets just say i look like a gothic bad omen at this point. as the bartender is explaining to the patrons that he's never seen a fight in this bar in SIX FUCKING YEARS he pointedly looks at me. yeah sorry dude. its all my fucking fault. i'm a bruja or whatever.

i finally get out of there and in the car on the way home there is nervous tension and i can tell everyone disapproves of my decision to get the fuck out of dodge and go drink (like we were supposed to) instead skinny dipping in front of a bunch of cracked out bums. well fuck you guys.

the whole point is that the chick who arranged this is the one i'm supposedly going to room with. this shit happens with her ALL THE FUCKING TIME. i have a feeling that my supposed roomate situation will fall apart the exact same way.

i hope i can find another solution.

on the upside if everything went well i would have nothing to post about. fucking christ. at least i get to go see my family and take a week off. hopefully.

jesus fuck.

sz.sw.out

minor fling

2009-06-25T22:20:00.000-07:00

can someone please tell me why in american shonen jump, lord fukasaku talks like mickey, rocky balboas coach?

surprisingly there are no easy to find videos of him so if you dont know what i'm talking about you'll just have to imagine.

"get up, naruto! ya cant let em beat ya like that!"

mother of mary, million dollar lunatics

2009-06-24T22:27:00.000-07:00

man oh man but the specials bring out the freaks.

unsweet tea lady (have i written about her?) shows up typically close to closing time and orders the 545 while bitching about the toilet rocking back and forth (yes its coming off the floor but your 3 foot wide ass doesnt help), asking for her sandwiches "one at a time" and spreading out 6 months worth of junk mail to sort through and hanging out until i cut off the lights. then when i help her get her shit out to her car cuz i'm nice (and i really want to go home) she goes on a rant about our full trashcans, infestation, and bulldyke haircuts. then she "left her lights on" so i had to pull around and make sure her car started. thank god it did cuz i dont have cables anyway!

she also asked us to take her remaining beef chunks out of the bag so they could "cool down" (they are lukewarm to begin with!) so that she can freeze them when she gets home. talk about a nasty future snack.

tonite a guy pulls in, presumably somewhat hammered, and makes a big deal about ordering something that wont take long to make so that he doesnt "make the cook mad" cuz he knows we are about to close (thx for the respex), yet even after much prodding and suggestions winds up ordering standard fare and takes a full ten minutes just to order and then holds up the line trying to pick up the lady working drive thru. this guy made us laugh our asses off after a very rough night. thx hammered guy!

after him is another drunk that asks who he's speaking with (who asks this in drive thru?) so that he knows who to call when he's ready. lots of people listening man, just holla. we are all electronically connected to these sweaty ass headsets. orders finally and tried to pick up said drive thru young lady right after wierd "piss off the cook" (we have a cook?) guy has given her his card and said to call him for a good time.

numerous other freaks have shown up but i cant remember them now for some reason. it's been rough. we also have new hire pains going on right now as we finally start to get busy again because of the lauded 545 special. of course the minute i schedule someone to train on a "slow" shift, that shift becomes a clusterfuck of the most confusing and retarded customers. so my trainee learned basically nothing tonite. plus he came in late, unshaven, AND stoned! fuck man where do i find these ppl.

the shake machine breaks, and surprisingly only 3 ppl tried to order shakes. usually when you are out of something or required equipment isnt working, everyone wants what you cant make. this one lady comes in and orders fruit tea with no ice (disgusting syrupy madness) and surprisingly likes it. another couple orders pepsi and dr pepper only to complain that they are overcarbonated. overcarbonated? seriously! who writes this shit! chick substitutes a lemonade and homey tries the sobe energy drink. "what flavor is it?" "um dude it just says sobe energy. it's yellow. that tell you anything?" and finally settles on an "overcarbonated" pepsi instead. at least they were really nice about it and had a good laugh with me. god knows i need it.

meanwhile after giving two weeks notice at my hated job, my new (hopeufully) job is giving me the runaround on training and work schedules. there is a conflict between my school schedule and training, or the full time schedule, or whatever.

for fucks sake people! part time is fine! just get me in there and we'll figure it out! my god stop screwing me around and let me do a damn fine job for you! and please dont make me have to slink back to my current employer and say "actually it didnt work out. i am your slave for another indefinite period of time." i really dont want to do that. and to top it all off? today i get a jury duty summons! fuck you, voter registration! i didnt sign up to sit on a jury! i just wanted to vote for ron paul! and i did and i knew he wouldnt win. i'm just principled like that. but the kicker is that this jury duty starts right when my training class is supposed to! so here is the state trying to fucking hold me down for god knows what minor case in the middle of me trying to turn the pages of my goddamn life! you know, i love courtroom dramas. i used to watch the practice and ally mcbeal and one of my favorite shows is harvey birdman, attorney at law, and my favorite ds game is phoenix wright ace attorney! so i would seriously love to go to jury duty. just NOT RIGHT NOW FOR GOD'S SAKE!

i will break down these goddamn barriers and i will prevail. nothing can stop me. i mean that with everything that i am. keep throwing it at me and i will shovel your shit out of my way!

FUCK!

in other news i used my mechanical skills to install two license plate lamp assemblies on my POS van. there is absolutely no information on this on the internet, and even my dad couldnt tell me how to do it. but god damn i pulled it off. i had to do this to pass my inspection. so i go to the inspection station and guess what? i got turned away because they had RUN OUT OF STICKERS! FUCK YOU BUREAUCRACY + SATELLITE COMPANIES THAT ALLOW ME TO COMPLY WITH THE LAW! wasting all my fucking time.

how do you run out of stickers?

FUCK FUCK FUCK!

miracles of moderate motion

2009-06-22T20:32:00.000-07:00

\request new chapter;
\
\
\
\information restricted. enter password:*******
\
\
\
\processing......
\.......
\
\
\access granted. enjoy the next chapter of your life

it's coming. new things are happening. the same things, but different. i have acquired a new job. it does not involve the slightest bit of grease and actually takes advantage of my intelligence, techknowledge, teaching ability and people skills. i will soon be working as a tier one tech support rep subcontracted to at&t through several other companies. i would like to take a moment to say

HOLY SHIT THANK THE GODS I'VE BEEN PRAYING FOR A JOB LIKE THIS ALL MY FUCKING LIFE I'M LEAVING THE GREASEPIT BEHIND THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!

of course, there are a few things that could go wrong. but i know they wont. i wont let that happen.

..........

huh. i usually have a lot more to say. maybe i'm not drunk enough yet.

several peoples chapters are ending, new ones beginning. i guess its some sort of late spring for peoples lives. my brother is finally trying to get a job, my old boss finally got promoted out of the store after 20 years in the company. my neighbor and good friend finally got her own car. things are shaking up for more people that i dont even know, i'm sure.

i write this as the final few pages of the arby's chapter of my existence. i've got about two weeks left until i start training for my new job. i'll probably linger on there for a shift or two to help out in my spare time (what spare time?) until they get their shit together after my absence. then i can close the book on that filthy, confused, disgusting hole of a restaurant for good.

the 5 for 5 is back for the last two weeks of my employment there. yes, in a desperate hail mary attempt to get people to remember arby's when they get a craving for grease, arbys restaurant group has brought back the only thing it is famous for, the loftily catchy 5 fer 5! whoo hoo gimme 50 of the motherfuckers! i dont even care whats on em! uhh what is on em anyway? i dont want no cheese er nuthin. and gimme plenty uh that sauce! what's it called, uh, ponys, uh, larvaes, uh yeah thats it that thur arbys and horsey sauce! 500 of em!

this ought to be a fucking blast. this special will run for two weeks, and we will see a massive outpouring of roast beef lovers come to get their greasy mystery meat fix. the problem is, the 545 never gets out of peoples heads. if you said "five fer five" somewhere in a tribal region of papua new guinea, the savages would all immediately crave bargain basement priced beef and begin a tribe-wide nomadic movement, following the stars to the nearest arbys. its that ingrained in the collective consciousness of humanity.

the problem with this, as i have said before, is that once the special is over, people never get over it. they either ask for it by name every time they come to the store, cringing and becoming incensed when they are told that it's more like five for seven, PLUS TAX, or they just order a bunch of shit and then when they get their total they just look at you like you're cheating them and exclaim "but i thought it was FIVE BUCKS!"

the special ends and these people trickle in for another week or so, mostly driving away when there are no more bargains of biblical proportion, maybe sticking around for a roastburger, and then heading back off to wendy's or mcdonalds where they were going before the promo started; thus defeating arbys' attempt to drive more permanent traffic to its locations. another kicker is the way they have been shuffling the menu around lately. we have something like 10,000+ sandwiches that we can make, that all look and sound exactly the same, containing ingredients that vary only slightly from food item to food item, yet varying enough to create huge amounts of obsolete inventory when recipes are changed and new products are added or revised. we recently stepped up to a 21 combo menu, listing most of the stuff we have as combos and almost pushing everything off the edges of the menu boards. our biggest thing is, of course, the roast beef sandwiches. next up are the market fresh sandwiches and then the subs. oh god, the subs.

basically, last year i think, arbys decided to bring back subs. some places have always kept them, but some regions (mine included) got rid of them for god knows what devil inspired reason, prompting people to constantly ask "didnt y'all have that uh french toast dipper er whatever?"

yes, yes, yes. we used to.

but then suddenly we did again, miracle of miracles. only this time the french dip was served up along with 3 other excitingly bland subs which all required their own special ingredients and preparation techniques. the really baffling thing to me was that instead of bringing the subs back on a soft, inviting white roll like they used to be served on, we apparently needed to spice it up to the tune of probably several hundred thousand dollars by ordering special unitasking toasters which are designed to toast the terror of fast food craving mouths everywhere, the loved by focus groups but hated by actual customers and crews, the granite-like, concrete-esque ciabatta roll.

so now that we have these blazing hot toasters, which upon firing up raise the temperature in the entire restaurant by about 5 degrees (sadly i am not exaggerating. they are like mini pizza ovens), and have changed the original recipes of the subs to exclude most of the extra ingredients which made them different in the first place, lo and behold, arby's is asking each franchisee to decide which two subs they would eliminate from the menu! considering the fact that people pretty much only order the french dip unless there is some freaky moon cycle going on and everyone and their stepmom orders an italian, you could eliminate all subs but the french dip and no one would notice! i can imagine the motherfuckers in the arbys test labs silently flagellating themselves in front of some roast beef altar, begging forgiveness for their grave mistake of creating monstrosities of sandwiches that failed to enamor the populace enough to justify the HUGE cost of putting a hellfire powered toaster in every arbys across the FUCKING WORLD only to realize that they should have stuck with what worked and just brought back the french dip on a bun that can be toasted in a standard manner and does not break the teeth of all but the mightiest herbivores.

to top all of this off (you shouldnt be surprised that there's more), arbys is considering doing away with its moderately successful (much more so than subs or chicken, i will admit) market fresh line. there is a big hubbub going down about this because not only are these the most popular items next to the "classic" roast beef, but most arbys franchisees across the country have just invested a not insubstantial amount of money on another desperate "hail mary", the MARKET FRESH catering program. i emphasize that because many of these stores have drafted up catering menus (i proofread the one for our franchise) based solely on the market fresh line, i suppose because it is the most portable. so now that we have invested all this money and time into a fairly popular line of sandwiches and a somewhat unconventional means of getting them out the door for a price, arbys is thinking about

okay i'm going to let you take a guess, who wants to be a millionaire style:

REGIS: is the answer: A)genghis khan, B)genghis khan, C)genghis khan, or D)genghis khan.

YOU: it's definitely C, genghis khan.

REGIS: final answer?

YOU: um i dont know should i use a lifeline oh what the hell how can i honestly get this one wrong YES FINAL ANSWER GENGHIS FUCKING KHAN

REGIS: oooooooooooohhh i'm so sorry but the answer was D, genghis khan.

YOU: FUCK FUCK FUCK!!!!!

yes! they are thinking about getting rid of the market fresh line altogether, or at the very least, dropping two of the most popular sandwiches we sell, the turkey ranch and bacon and the chicken salad sandwich.

leave it to fucking arbys to shoot themselves in the foot trying to take out the competition. i can understand that you want to get an edge, but come on! all you've been doing is taking the focus off of what you do well, wasting money on unnecessary product and equipment, and discounting while talking about bringing in everyday affordability while simultaneously raising your prices! who the hell is coming up with this shit? this reminds me of what starbucks is doing: start out selling something. figure out that people like it, begin raising prices while adding value. ride high on the hog for a few years then

FUCKING PANIC BECAUSE NOW EVERYONE HAS FIGURED OUT THEY HAVE BEEN BROKE ALL ALONG AND GAS IS SEVEN INFANTS PER GALLON PLUS TAX and they cant fucking afford to drink your goddamn overpriced coffee (or eat your "beef") all fucking week. begin scrambling with "bold" new products, procedures, policies, and advertising designed to bring in new customers while making the current ones come back for more, more often.

FUCKING PANIC BECAUSE NONE OF THAT IS WORKING. IMMEDIATELY SHIT PANTS WHILE SKETCHING OUT NEW PRODUCTS AND ADVERTISEMENTS

you get the picture. this is what companies look like when they are desperate. here's a tip: do what you did to become successful, continue doing it well, get rid of the frills, charge a low price and make sure your crews are giving great service. million dollar equation right there. hey, why dont i run this joint?

but what the fuck do i know about arbys? i just work at one.

thanks to gekkeikan sake for lubricating my tongue a bit.

scandal mongers, sequins and slush

2009-05-25T23:36:00.000-07:00

never before have i been baffled in bosworth. i still havent! lightning strikes deadly as thunders rolls on, i hear the buzz of new music, free and without pretense, from parts of the world i can only hope i will one day see. a long road lies ahead, yet the end is in sight. when it's over, it's like i didnt walk it at all. when it's over, i dont remember anything. i miss being home, though i dont remember it. i cherish memories i cant access. a fount of numbness is always at hand, to slake the thirst for something to feel. can we get this over with? i want to move to the next level. i want to move. i want lots of motion.

i want to go faster. time should speed up, and as it is relative, there should be a way to overclock it. ha HA!

are we finished here?

millions, celebrities, billions, angst, trillions, pent up rage (UPDATED) AGAIN!

2008-08-02T08:09:00.000-07:00

update again!
now we have a policy that is basically "say yes, even if it makes no sense!" this is a fucking relief for me. now i dont have to worry about people bringing coupons from other stores, or from like 17 years ago, and having to argue with them about not being able to honor them. "just say yes!" well THANK FUCKING GOD! now i dont have to jack with a bunch of dimwits about miniscule amounts of US dollars! "hey, i have this coupon that i printed myself, it says me and the rest of my 30 friends eat free for life!" NO FUCKING PROBLEM! tell you what. you just tell me what you need and i will stuff it straight into your mouth! you dont even need to sit down! i hope you fucking choke! this stems from a particular incident as well as an overall shift in stingy company policies. oh ja, you know it was an incident that made this shit go down.

there is a free local rag called study breaks that has coupons from another arbys franchise published in the back. 2 for 3 regs, 2 for 4 beefnchiddrs. my franchise honors the 2 for 3, but the bfnchddrs is 2 for 5. why? god and our supreme district management only knows. so after countless employee meetings about how one discount cannot be combined with another (ie no pick 5 with a senior drink, no coupons and combos on the same order) we finally come to our senses and realize that for the most part, a good portion of our customers only show up when there are coupons out. coupons of any kind. if there were coupons stating "trade in your firstborn for a free swirl shake" i can guarantee there would be a line out the fucking door of slobbering fucks ready to trade in their blood kin for a goddamn jamocha fix. so now we have finally realized: "hey, our shit is PROHIBITIVELY EXPENSIVE! lets start honoring all coupons, with all other special offers, even though we previously thought arguing with people over miniscule amounts of money and food was a good idea!" well sheeeeeeee-yit! whod a thunk it? thats what they expect anyway! there was a "free roastburger with purchase of drink" special when roastburgers were launched. did they really expect people to agree with the "one per customer, per order, no other special offers accepted with coupon" shit? i get a guy in who asks if they have to do it separately, and when i say yes, he brings in his fucking wife and kids and they all just do separate orders, paying with the same card! how did ARG not see that coming? and honestly, i just smiled and helped the guy. this did not piss me off at all, in fact i was proud of him for beating the system! A SYSTEM OF MALEVOLENT PENNY PINCHING MADNESS

so anyway, this guy has a stockpile of these study breaks coupons in his house. he must, because he only comes in when he has them, and he only orders the 2 beeeeeffffnnchdddrsss for 4. thats it. and maybe a cup of water. no big deal, honestly, except that he is a bald headed ponytailed entitled fat son of a bitch who likes to throw tantrums. he knows, absolutely, that i couldnt give him the four bone price for what he wanted, because we've had the discussion several thousand times. "no sir, i'm sorry, this franchise does two for five. is that ok?" LOUD EXASPERATED SIGHS "YEAH I GUESS fuckin shit."

so one night he's in the drive thru and he throws a tantrum fit for a retarded 3 year old. "i'm sorry sir, we do the 2 for 5. is that ok?" "NO. A COUPON, IS A COUPON. PERIOD." "well, yes sir, this coupon indeed does appear to be a coupon, however it is not valid at all locations. i can offer you a special price our franchise is participating in, which is only a dollar more. will that be okay tonight?"

"GET ME THE NUMBER OF YOUR DISTRICT MANAGER!" as i am still holding his money. five bucks. keep in mind, this is over ONE MOTHERFUCKING DOLLAR! are we starting to notice a pattern here? at this point he stares straight ahead, refusing to take his money back. "get me your district manager's number." "ja, ok sir, i will totally do that, however you need to take your money back." think i'm going to let this tool accuse me of stealing later? uh uh. i hold this pose, him staring ahead, me leaning out the window holding his precious five singles, for the eternal span of about two and a half minutes. finally his wife ends the standoff and tells him to just pay for the fucking sandwiches and stop being such an asshole. when i give him his change, he throws it into his lap and all over the car, cursing the whole time. cut to me giving him his food, and my company VPs number. (district manager? what's that?) "WHATS YOUR NAME?!" i tell him my name. i stick my asinine fucking name tag out the window and repeat it twice because his crusty ass ears dont hear me at first.

he calls, raises hell, and now we always say yes. what a fucking relief. i was really tired of being the stonewall. i just want these people to be happy, fed, and out of my fucking face. i have a lot of customers that i like and care about. i have a few that are pains in my ass. but the only reason they get on me is because i cant give them free or discounted shit for no reason. well, now we dont have that problem, so all my asshole customers just became happy! THANK THE FUCKING CORPORATE GODS!

as long as they keep paying me, i will keep shoveling shit into the mouths of fatasses. happily.

on a side note, i got a practically deaf old man in the other day who wanted a senior discount. our senior discount consists of a 25 cent small drink with purchase of full price items. he was such an asshole while ordering that when he asked for his "senior discount" at payup time that i didnt say shit about that and just said "sorry, we dont have one." he rolls his rheumy eyes and gets his drink. when i give him his food, he asks "so what can i get for free?" AAAAAAAAAHAHAAHH ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS yes, he was. "well, you can have some more arby's sauce." ***silence*** "you're not like the other manager." bitch, what other manager? i'm the most lenient one! what the fuck are you trying to pull?

contrast this with the cute old man who came in at 9:59 to dine in as we closed, who was really nice and understanding and left no mess at his table, to whom i chatted with about work in general and gave ALL of our leftover turnovers to because we were throwing them out anyway. he thanked me sincerely and went on his way, probably to return many times and pay full price for everything! never demanding something free or discounted, this man had respect for me and himself. and i showed my appreciation with both excellent service and complimentary product! take a motherfucking lesson from this man, you stodgy entitled fucks!

(should a been its own post, huh?) ;)

UPDATE: this dude totally showed back up at the store and repeated the same exercise. he comes through drive thru and asks our gen mgr trainee (who is awesome btw) to do something we couldnt do. "hey, listen. i left my coupons at home, can you just give me the coupon price now and i'll bring back the coupons later tonite?" (you wouldnt believe how many ppl try this.) our mgr trainee politely replies in the negative, because we cant do that. what, you want to pay me tuesday for a hamburger today? so the guy then gets pissed off, calls the crew members various dirty names and exhorts his title of morning news radio guy while peeling out right into the mgrs ear. now, 5 minutes later, he comes back in and asks for the manager. our trainee looks around, probably thinking to himself something along the lines of "holy fuck, thats me! i get to deal with this dipshit a second time!", and asks how he can help him. the guy somewhat calmly goes into his crybaby spiel about how he is just an innocent customer and our evil crew members fucked him over and raised the prices and refused to serve him. to which the manager replies, "actually sir, that was me, and i really dont appreciate you cussing me out." (starting to sound familiar?) well, now the guy realizes that he is up against the wall with this shit and he is not going to get anywhere with his scam. he blows up and starts cussing and stomping up and down, actually opens the door and yells obscenities at the customers outside, screams at the crew that the problem is that they "just dont care" and then made a funny face at us, hopped up and down flipping us off as he stormed out. remember folks, this is all over a miniscule amount of money, and the problem, as with last time, is not that we didnt care about him or didnt do our jobs correctly, it is that he wanted us to do something that we are not allowed to do. if i or my crew starts giving out discounts by accident or at will or randomly or whatever, without the proper coupon or discount qualification, we can get disciplined or terminated. now, there are times when it is expedient or appropriate to let someone use an expired coupon, or give them a coupon price when they dont have their coupons or discount card. i've done it before, and i'll probably do it again. however, this hinges on whether or not this person is trying to take us to the cleaners, and whether or not they are civil, understanding, and kind. if you are nice to me, and your behaviour suggests that you understand that i cant just give this shit away, or maybe you werent happy with something else and brought it to my attention in an orderly, polite manner, chances are i'll hook you up, and i'll do it with a smile. but if you come in my store demeaning and degrading my or my crew's very lives and value as human beings it's more likely that i'll have you thrown out, or at least make sure you pay as much as i can charge you.

all that aside, i think this guy definitely needs a stiff drink, a punch in the face and some anger management courses.
*------------------------------------------------*

the past 2 days at work have been terrifying. first, i pissed off my best crew members and 2 of my closest comrades in arms because i'm their "boss", and well, they were fucking up. i had to be a dick. its what bosses do. needless to say, they have put me in the doghouse and will barely even look at me outside of work, however after i shat on them workflow improved 100%. this day tripled my misery index.

i come in the next day prepared for the next pile of shit to drop. lo and behold, the arbys website is promoting the "new" (old) pick 5 for 5.95.

let me quickly answer the most common question i get here:

Q: what are your specials? (read: "what all yall got that 5 fer 5 reglar beefnchiddrs fer 5 or whatever er somethin?")

the answer will demonstrate one of my biggest frustrations with this job.

A: "we have the 5 buck roundup, which is 2 popcorn chicken for $5, 3 beef and cheddars for $5, or 4 regular roast beef for $5. we also have 2 beef and cheddars for $4, 2 southern chicken sandwiches for $4, and the pick 5 for $6.95, which consists of the 8 items at the top of the menu board."

a bit long winded and repetitive, wouldnt you agree? so here's my answer:

"i've got a ton of specials. what do you want?"

a long time ago, like in 1994, the dollar was not in the toilet and arbys had a deal where they offered 5 sandwiches for $5. not a bad deal right? well here we are, years later, with inflation constantly rising along with the price of fuel, which is driving up the price of absolutely every fucking thing you could possibly imagine spending money on. so arbys simply cannot afford to offer such an amazing deal anymore, they would lose money. so they raise the price of the pick 5 from that oh so catchy $5 to $5.95. well, people start to lose their shit, but not too bad. a few months later, with the cost of running a business continuing to rise, the pick 5 jumps up to $6.95. no surprise, right? wrong.

even 14 years or so after offering 5 items for the loftily catchy price of $5, people still react with shock and sometimes anger (yes, anger) over a minor price increase from their beloved redheaded stepchild of fast food. here's some news for you folks: arbys is damn near prohibitively expensive. it always has been. this is why they have to lure customers with stupid gimmicks like making everything rhyme with five. for the cost of dinner at arbys for a family of 4, i could cook a meal that would last that same family 2 or 3 days.

ok, i'm just ranting now. back to the point.

yesterday, i came prepared for the next pile of shit to drop, and by god did it ever drop. arbys restaurant group has decided for whatever reason to knock the pick 5 price back down to $5.95. thats great right? more business and all that. wrong motherfucker! just when i got done explaining to the 148946859748515648941564894156489th customer that no, the pick 5 costs $6.95, it hasnt been 5 bucks for fucking years, these cocky motherfuckers at ARG decide to just knock it back down a buck, presumably just to shave a few more years off my life.

so to add to the confusion, this deal rolls out on the internet without my knowledge. in fact, this progresses without the knowledge of anyone in the local stores. only our wonderful regional supervisors know about this, but of course it doesnt go on tv until sunday, so they just dont find the time to tell us out here in the trenches about this staggering development.

i know what you're thinking. "what the fuck is the big deal man, it's a buck! gimme the 5 beefnchiddrs fer 5 already!"

basically some guy saw the website, called in and talked to our asst mgr and asks about the special. he tells me about it, and of course i am a little miffed, because i'm trying to do about 1000+ other things while this new shit is being dropped on me and this guy is about to split in the middle of a rush without helping me get my shift situated. all in all, no big deal, it's like this every day. so the guy shows up in the drive thru, and orders the pick 5 "FOR 5.95". well, we get this shit all the time, so the guy working the DT informs him that it's 6.95. that's cool, right? WRONG! homie then loftily declares that "i just spoke with your manager, i saw it on your WEBSITE, it's 5.95." the guy at drive thru is completely dumbfounded by this as he has not been told anything about this, as i just found out 5 minutes before and was too busy to tell everybody. so i get on the horn and tell the guy to hold on for just a moment please while i let everyone know about the new price and show them all how to ring it up. i am not at all surprised when i find that there is actually no way that i am aware of to ring this shit up. we come up with the temporary solution of ringing up something else that costs 5.95, and just writing down what he wants to pick.

after a few minutes of this wheel spinning, mind melting fun, i get back on with the guy and tell him we are ready to go. the frustration i am feeling must have been evident in my voice because i am completely incapable of hiding it. so what does the guy ask for after all this shit? nothing other than 5 BEEF AND CHEDDARS. why is this such a clusterfuck?

well, everything on our menu looks and sounds exactly the same, including the specials, which i explained earlier. the real nitty gritty of this shitfest is that the most popular items, the arbys melt and the beef and cheddar, share the same concept but have completely different taste and cost. yes, they both consist of "beef" and "cheddar", but one is called the beef and cheddar, one is not. this completely stupid, confusing and asinine product design, placement, and naming convention could only have been conceived of by the people who run arbys.

usually i dont try to explain the difference to people unless they ask. if they order the pick 5, all beef and cheddars, i just give them arby melts. no one seems to notice usually. but in my stressed out state i made the mistake of trying to explain to this moron that there is a difference between these two digusting excuses for sandwiches. "you've got to be kidding me! THAT'S NOT WHAT IT SAYS ON YOUR WEBSITE! THAT'S NOT WHAT IT SAYS ON YOUR WEBSITE!". dude, i dont run the website. i dont even go to the website. i dont set the prices or make the specials. i just work here sometimes. "sir, if you've got a problem with the way the pricing and menu is set up you shouldnt be yelling at me, you should call the corporate office and ask them why they've rolled out a new price on a special without informing the management or crew of their stores, and you can also ask them what the difference is between these two sandwiches and why they look and sound exactly the same." i say this with obvious disdain as i am now completely losing my shit at this guy and the corporate fucking headquarters. hearing that i am now starting to get pissed, the guy says "well, do you want me as a customer or not? i might just go somewhere else!" frankly, if you are a total dick right off the bat and only came here to save a fucking dollar, i dont want to be within 500 fucking miles of you, ever!

"well, sir i'd like to help you if i can, but it seem we've reached an impasse here. i've told you what i can do for you, now would you like to order or not?" so as he's peeling out of the drive thru, squealing his wheels right into my fucking ear, he screams "OH YEAH, WELL I DO THE MORNING NEWS AT WOAI AND WE'LL BE TALKING ABOUT THIS TOMORROW!"

wonderful. so 5 minutes later the guy calls and asks for the manager. well, i look around, and what do you know! that's me! holy fuck, i get to deal with this dumbshit a second time! i must really love abuse. i get on the phone with him, and he thinks i'm the guy he spoke to on the phone. "no sir, i'm actually the guy you just squealed your tires at. nice car btw. now what else can i do for you?" he repeats the same lame argument, using his talk radio mastery to push all my buttons, interrupt me a lot, and sound indignant about everything. "THATS NOT WHAT IT SAYS ON YOUR WEBSITE!" "ONCE AGAIN SIR, I DONT RUN THE WEBSITE. I DONT EVEN GO THERE. I'VE TOLD YOU WHAT I CAN DO FOR YOU AND YOU DONT WANT IT! NOW WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?" "well, look, are you going to help me out or should i just go somewhere else?" "well, i've been trying to explain the difference between the .." "NEVER MIND I'M GOING SOMEWHERE ELSE*CLICK*".

keep in mind folks, this is all over ONE MOTHERFUCKING DOLLAR!
when are you people going to realize that it is not worth arguing with, demeaning and abusing your fellow human beings over shitty food and miniscule amounts of money? when will you wake the fuck up?!

i seriously dont know how much more of this i can take.

sz.sw.out

real stick construction, pennies on the dinar

2008-07-23T19:37:00.000-07:00

you know what really bugs me? when i'm working in the drive thru, wind blowing 140 miles an hour, and every single customer tries to hand me their cash a different way. some do the fold the change up in the bills and toss it thing, hoping it will somehow magically get into my hand. others prefer to weakly hold the bills between pinky and ring finger while hiding change somewhere on top or below the bills, so that no matter how i grab it i lose either the change or the cash. or they lean in and out trying to make sure i've got it, moving it everywhere even though my hand is perfectly still, waiting for them to finally figure out the target area.

change on top, change on the bottom, this is a petty detail. who gives a damn as long as the money changes hands neatly and quickly?

here's a tip: cash first, change second. or change first, cash second. whatever you do, do it swiftly, decisively, and separately.

and stop throwing the money on the counter when you come inside. you expect me to be able to see all that change and the crumpled bills you piled up in front of the massive point of purchase advertisements all over my counter? hand it to me like a person, dont throw it at me like i'm a coin chute at a tollway.

its a wonder fast food workers dont go on killing sprees more often.

one more year... can i last that long?

an arby's sauce enema

2008-06-13T19:40:00.000-07:00

must be pretty fucking invigorating, considering the fact that every third customer out of the 125+ that i have served tonight has asked for one or more of the following:

1.) "lots of arby's sauce"
2.) "lots and lots of arby's sauce"
3.) "a whole bunch of arby's sauce"
4.) "a lot, like two big handfuls"
5.) "plenty, like three big handfuls"
6.) "please come outside and help me assemble this simple pump and insert this tube into my ass so that i can begin the enema right here and now"

all of this with various grimaces, smiles, and posturing to show how serious they are about a sauce which is basically nothing more than tomato paste, vinegar, "spices" (actual quote from the packet) and enough preservatives to keep madonna looking young for the next thousand years.

seriously, folks. what are you doing with all of this sauce? is it becoming increasingly rare? is it some sort of black market currency or commodity? are you drinking it on the rocks? bathing in it? WHAT POSSIBLE REASON COULD YOU HAVE FOR DEMANDING 10+ PACKETS OF SAUCE PER 3 oz SANDWICH?

that is 5 ounces of sauce, which is 2 ounces more than your sandwich weighs. you are somehow consuming more sauce than sandwich, which is probably still illegal in alabama. even after putting in as much or more as i can, you honk the horn and demand more.

now, its usually not this bad. the reason for all of this madness? we only have 1/2 a case of this vile condiment to last the entire weekend.

when it rains, it pours.

too much.

2008-06-03T18:44:00.000-07:00

is never enough until tomorrow. after drinking more caffeine in 2 days than i have in my entire life, mixing in a healthy dose of booze, screaming as loud as i could and laughing so much and probably talking way more than i usually do, i feel like i'm going to puke, pass out, die, reanimate, throw up and die again. of course i have to be at work for this. i havent eaten a home cooked, nutritious meal in over a month, i'm floating a cheque for my rent, i'm 2 months behind on my savings plan, numerous other things are going haywire.

because of a-kon.

but it was worth it. that was a shitload of fun. next year i'll have a hotter outfit, bigger hair, more money and more booze. and more time off to recover! for god's sake, make the pain stop. i'm considering hiring someone to walk around and take pictures of me all weekend. there arent enough pics of me in existence and i'm tired of those corny mirror shots.

too much is never enough for me. too much will never kill me. but it does hurt after a while.

sz.sw.out

i really need a

2008-05-10T19:36:00.001-07:00

computer. among other things. i forgot just how much i love posting shit to this blog that no one reads but me. i just read back through the last couple of posts and it was like whoa. since all that constipation i've been the target several times, revisited secret addictions, kicked the habit, spent too much money on nothing and then learned to save it, struggled to afford to eat and gone close to broke because of my love for sushi. i've fallen into some pretty deep pits of self loathing and come out a new person. i'm closer to being who i truly am instead of a product of my environment. my job still sucks but i get paid enough that it almost makes up for it and i get a vacation soon. i get away with just about anything here and my boss still loves me. and sometimes i get to just sit back here and let everyone else work.

i still fuck up from time to time, i still have the capacity to do some incredibly stupid things when i'm drunk, and i still live with a somewhat constant state of nagging fear. but overall, in just 2 short years, my entire life and way of living have changed for the better.

i just hope i can be saved from my own mistakes, that i havent already made too many, that they are not lying in wait to come and ruin things once i achieve perfection.

time will tell...

sz.sw.out

being gay stinks sometimes

2008-05-10T19:20:00.000-07:00

it seriously has its own peculiar smell. men dont smell very good. and then you get those guys that want to do it and then act like it never happened. its wierd. i could probably write a whole shitload on this... but i cant right now.

life is getting very strange. it has always been strange, but sometimes its downright frightening.

but i always feel frightened when i'm this hung over. i'll be okay in a few days. like pickles from the oblongs once said "i'm sorry, i'm on the second day of my three day hangover."

i think this one may last 4...

sz.sw.out

the terra firma is dulce liquido

2008-05-08T12:43:00.000-07:00

do you know how long it took me to write this and then find out that i wouldnt fit in a comment? sheesh. here ya go:

your profile doesnt make any sense. it is a departure from the norm of myspace and i feel like i am being left behind by a new, befuddling comment technology which i do not understand.

before i get started, i would like to alert you to the silliness of posting your innermost thoughts in comments instead of emails. if you email someone, only you, that person, and whoever else has your password or a subpoena can read that text. a comment, however, can be viewed by anyone at any time, and i dont think you would want mom or dad to see your innermost thoughts because, well, i know you just dont. keep that in mind. the cops read myspace, too.

anyway. i would have taken my own advice and msgd you but you seem to have it disabled on your page. whateher. you should definitely start saving. i just emailed dad and asked him what he thought about you coming here, so we'll see what happens with that. it would help your cause to be more forthcoming with them about the subject. tell them you want to see the museums, the gigantic pair of boots in front of the mall, the riverwalk, the touristy educational stuff, etc. tell them you miss me and you want to see what it's like here (its fucking HOT).

i dont understand you not wanting mom and dad to know what you do, because unlike what i used to do, i think a great deal of your life wouldnt upset them. in fact, they might be happy to hear you are doing so well in so many ways, instead of seeing you for what you present, which is a wall of silence. unfortunately our parents never learned to communicate effectively with family members. look at dad's family, and worse, mom's family. they have no idea how to talk to each other, let alone confusing young'ns. mom's family got their points across by fighting, and dad's family was all quite withdrawn. however, they gave you and i one thing their parents refused them: freedom. more freedom than most kids get even after they move out. so at least be grateful for that, and make an effort, for their sake, to get to know them so they can know you. there's only so much you can do, but a little's better than nothing.

you feel alienated and out of place because you are out of place. salisbury is a bleak and unmoving place, where the only change that ever occurs is a new shopping center being built somewhere. you need to, and will, leave there. i am incredibly relieved and surprised to know that you arent doing what i did when i was growing up there (get throwed on the daily).

society is awful. it always will be. however, if you arent comfortable with the standard lifestyle, you have a choice. however, any amount of success in doing anything requires some effort. you dont have to go to school 8-3. when and if you graduate you dont have to work 9-5, if you set your sights higher than salisbury. what do you want to do? figure it out, and find out where and when you

omfg this shouldnt be this hard! fucking IT pppl at sac just truncated over half my msg by limiting the amt of space on the clipboard. it wasnt myspace after all. shit...

continued:

can do it, and then do it.

well shit. i had this whole fucking half page of soapbox shit that i wrote that sounded all great, but whatever. the point is, you should come see me, you will have a great time, you need to talk to dad and mom about it, get them to call me about it, save your money for it, look forward to it and make it happen. salisbury sucks. always has, always will. you need to move and you will when you're ready.

let me know whats up, msg me or call me. and for kicks go watch this vid. i love this guy and i just got this album

"mask" by soman

i love you. call me. i miss you. i need your touch... oh, wait. wrong line

i need a drink. finals are over and i'm going to get throwed

sz.sw.out

what sort of life is this

2008-02-18T00:08:00.000-08:00

and it was stupid. but it was what i wanted. all night i thought of what

i wanted to do, and i thought "i wish ariel was here, to enojoy this

music with me, to read a book next to me. through the day i was happy,

and i wished that i could have someone to sit next to me and read, to be

there and appreciate the pretense of just being together and loving the

silence. to listen to the music of many different cultures and love a

story of proportions impossible to the world of the living. when

circumstances provided an out, a way for me to live my dream to the

fullest, souls rallied and made the point moot, for years to come. my

life, my life. what gods have played out my fate on their board? it goes

on and on. i feel them hate me from all sides, but it is temporary. what

comes tomorrow? i can only hope that a distillate will temper the pain

that i feel every day.

sz

sw\

out

this city sucks sometimes

2007-10-22T16:22:00.001-07:00

i have two days off, on a weekend, and a week of vacation, and i cant find jack shit to do. san antonio, help me! i want to get crunk at the club.

shti!

for posterity

2007-08-15T21:14:00.000-07:00

save the internet from censorship

didnt want to ferget it.

sz.sw.out

oh days of yore ghost pussy shackle

2007-08-10T18:41:00.000-07:00

i'm in a terrible mood and i want to write about it but i dont have time because i'm at work and i dont have my comp hooked up at home yet. i lost my phone and my keys in the same day and there is no logical explanation as to why they disappeared. tonight one of my good friends is really pushing my buttons here at work and i'm starting to get a headache which never happens. i'm going to take a notepad to the bar to write on and drink bloody marys till i get heartburn.

i feel like once again, i am the target. i hope that soon it will pass.

sz.sw.out

never again, no me gusta el comida china

2006-08-14T18:58:00.000-07:00

well, i'm not swearing it off, just not in such large quantities. i fear i may never shit again.

i've been sitting here for 4 hours. that's half my shift.

i'm such a bastard. i guess i'll go do something now...

you know as good as singapore mei fun and szechuan wontons are, dont eat them three days in a row. at least, not the whole container, of both, three times, in three days.

i dont recommend it.

all day i have looked exactly like i just fell out of bed. i cant get my eyes to open up.

i am both excited and nervous, for my poonem doth come to me, and i leave on the monday. i still have some things to do, and of course i just realized these things now that i have a mere 3 days left to do them. hooray, procrastination, welcome, indigestion.

i like how i can have 24 friends on my front page, and only six of them are people i actually know. the rest are bands which i dearly love. i need to update that thing... maybe one day when i have nothing better to do.

oh, cool new blogs:

http://www.baristabrat.blogspot.com/
http://widelawns.blogspot.com/
http://www.stripclubserver.blogspot.com/

i usually link but i'm too tired to tag. i think i may be on the verge of some sort of intestinal epiphany, and i'm going to get some coffee to make sure that i see the light.

hail the porcelain gods!!

sz.sw.out

sturm der ewigkeit

2006-08-10T01:23:00.000-07:00

i love myspace for one reason: the ability to keep up with the musicians i love and to find out who they love, who inspires them and who they listen to. i started at the scandy page, and following the trail of friends wound up in so many places, found so much new music. then i found corvus corax's page, and through that i have discovered so many new bands who are wonderful in so many ways.

i also note quite a bit of anti bush sentiment from these euro folk!

well, it is not surprising. anti american and anti bush sentiment is not only widespread but chic in so many places. but you have to remember that heads of state do not represent individuals, policy does not reflect sentiment, necessarily. generalizations and stereotypes make up much of the average persons view of foreigners and nations in general. it is a sad state of affairs, but i expect little more from the human psyche. there i go, generalizing! we are all guilty. for months now i have withdrawn my nose from world affairs and become little more than a UN observer, in that i can only watch as governments and religions vie for power and land, as religious factions hold centuries old grudges , as so many cannot figure out who is winning, but we all know who is losing. well, most of us...

as civilizations war and heal, rise and fall, create and destroy, love and lose, we have been there to both stoke the flames and put out the fires. empires rise and fall, and i will always have an eye trained on the war and the peace.

but while in this body it is inherent that i live as well as i can. i'm glad that in this age we have the internet to connect us. even as rockets fall on towns in israel and missiles are fired from jets into lebanon, people on both sides are carrying on a conversation that eclipses what their leaders say. the "leaders" of any country have little more on their minds than power and money, and

oh the hell with it. i've said it a thousand times if i've said it once.

i try to concern myself with what i'm going to do in the coming year. i've come to slightly idolize andy laplegua, because as far as music goes he embodies what i want to do: to have a project for each form of music i like. i have such an eclectic taste and i am going to make sure that over the next few years i have at least a few established psuedonyms that i will be working under. if nothing more than an idea, a few songs, some equipment and an internet presence, i will have them. there is yet a lot of time and money to be invested, but soon there will be nothing stopping me, there will be no constraints on my time and energy as there are here, i'll be posting life on a new blog of the mind. my mind. my space, my music, my life.

things are looking up, friends. and with a little effort, they will keep their eyes to the sky.

sz.sw.out

if i had brown skin, would you still ask after my beliefs?

2006-08-09T18:48:00.000-07:00

today someone at work asked me good naturedly (i still cant figure out how he did this), well he didnt ask me, he just relayed the information with a smile:

"hey, somebody told me you worship the devil!"

first reaction, internally:

really? who was it, so i can sacrifice a newborn and make a blood oath to my dark red god on the eve of the full moon so that he might destroy their life and make them suffer an eternity of misfortune and pain?

what i actually said:

no, i worship cardboard boxes. that's why i work here, in a stockroom. so that i might be with my idols.

either way, what is it that makes people think they can just willy nilly ask after a relative stranger's religion or sexual orientation? why is it that they only ask white people who wear black or are effeminate in some way? the obvious answer is complete ignorance and a lack of class. the reason behind the obvious is that its easy to ridicule someone who is white and possibly of some sort of religious or sexual minority. would you ask a southeast asian if they are hindu or buddhist or muslim? would you ask any black person if they practice voodoo? no, because to offend these people is taboo, and self censorship is rampant in these instances. but the girly white kid who wears those "funny britches" is fair game. people in general are pretty stupid.

i'm sick of eating the typical american diet. i cant wait til i live on my own so i can implement a healthier regimen. i hate all this starchy meaty greasy heavy food that my family eats, and i hate all of the fast food that is available. soon i will implement my changes and i wont have to put up with indigestion and horrible shits all the time.

there are a lot of people here at work who are getting on my fucking nerves. its never happened before. i'm just now noticing that they bother me. i'm glad i'm quitting. but it's sad to have to hear all of the people that i like here say "oh, i'm so sorry you're leaving. we'll miss you, and good luck!" those people arent so bad. working at arby's is going to suck, but at least i wont have to wait a long time to transfer between jobs.

i'm sick of not having my own bed and my own space. only 11 more days. well, thats until i leave. after that it will probably be a few days before i get my own place, and a few weeks after that until it is comfortably furnished in a minimalist, nomadic style. well, for all the trouble, i cant wait to get started.

sz.sw.out

a little whateher

2006-08-07T18:05:00.000-07:00

i have almost nothing to do tonite and the boss is out for the rest of the week so i thought i'd put down some shite.

i hate the fact that i have a sex drive. its more trouble than its worth.

now that i've got everything in order and i'm moving in 2 weeks, sometimes it feels like its not really happening.

saving every cent i have over the next two weeks is going to be rough, because i am used to drinking every nite, which gets expensive. i've got to save it all though, because the transition between jobs always takes longer than anticipated.

today, cigarettes dont have their usual kick.

i need a drink.

that is all.

sz.sw.out

take a look at this whateher

2006-08-01T21:21:00.000-07:00

well! its finally goin down. i couldnt be happier! well, i would be if i had bought enough beer. but, what can you do. i need to get up early anyway. i'm moving! its a definite, people, all systems are go. i've told my parents, i've made my preparations. i have a few more trivial things to do, but the wheels have been set in motion. there is no stopping this thing now. as that one rap song says, "its goin down". i threw away a bunch of crap and abandoned the idea of driving there, because its too expensive (gas) and my car would only make it with three wings and the prayers of an entire congregation. i have few possessions left, only the necessities as i see them, and, well, there is just no turning back. there would be, if i was a weak kneed whateher. but, as they say, i aint. i'm ready to rock. there are a few loose ends to tie up, there are a couple things to do, but the workload is surprisingly slim. after this week its just a countdown, i'll have my shit togeher, i'll have my ticket, i'll be ready to go. and i am not coming back.

and you know what? it feels fucking great.

sz out

wierd wild and blonde

2006-07-26T23:07:00.000-07:00

i saw crazy girl at island way. i gleaned from the conversations that she is a teacher. well whatever. but holy god when she's wasted she's like a fucking demon spawn.

"WHO THE FUCK WON THE YANKEES GAME?"

i had to concentrate on not answering her, or even looking over at her. she was sitting right next to me, and i knew that if i engaged her in any way i would fall into the trap and she would continue to harass me.

"I'M A FUCKING BOSTON FAN! TOM BRADY THROWS LIKE A FUCKING PUSSY!"

well, if that's you're opinion, then fine. i'm not going to argue. luckily she's a regular and six people at the bar kept talking to her and keeping her attention away from me. i'll never forget this one time, i was there talking to some guy about california, and she runs up to him (neither of us know her) grabs his shoulder and screams

"MY FRIEND WILL GIVE YOU HEAD FOR SEVEN DOLLARS!"

and when she went away our conversation resumed. he said, "hey, do me a favor."

no dude, i am not loaning you seven dollars.

ha!

i swear she really talks like that. every word she says. what a crazy bitch.

buttery goodness

2006-07-26T15:01:00.000-07:00

a few things i needed to put down so i can ease my mind, not ferget, and get to work:

i need to find out which combination of the words "transvestite pirate vampire prostitute" rolls off the tounge with the most style and ease

for some reason, many things i have touched today have a greasy film of something that could possibly be butter

vending machine food always seems like a good idea until you are finished eating it

i know there was more, but i didnt get here in time and fergot. more later tonite.

lets give em somethin ta blog about

2006-07-24T22:12:00.000-07:00

how about people you meet at the bar, the baa-aar aaaarrrr

you had to be there. obviously your werent, for i was alone. alone but for the people i was listening to next to me at the bar, alone but for the girl who waitresses there now, and alone but for the girl i knew from a coffeeshop long deceased, who told me she got arrested for possession. shitty!

oh, what a grand few minutes it was. since my drivers side window is busted out, i could only stay for a few minutes. so i ordered a lickin toad (which i now know consists of red bull, vodka, and some blue liquer, probably curacao), a jager bomb, and a vodka tonic. i killed all 3 in ten minutes so i could get back outside before someone jacked the face off my cd player. its amazing how no matter what bar i go to, there are always some people i know. if not that, then there is always the person who wants to get to know me, which i dont care for at all, unless you fit a specific description with details too numerous to list here. the only reason i wound up at this particular bar is because my usual dive closed up shop. a while back the owners got busted because they were running all kinds of colors out that bitch, white and brown being the most prominent. once they got busted, the clientele moved on, leaving only a few die hard regulars to keep it afloat. well, that didnt last too long. when i drove by tonite, it was dark as a poonem's puh. i think they have done gone and closed up shop for good. well, without the extra drug income to launder, i guess they just didnt have enough to keep it open. it sucks because there is no other dive bar near my house, and the closest bar beyond that is not a dive at all, in fact its quite nice, and the drinks are a bit more expensive.

ROTERSAND!

so i saw the chick i used to hang with, who the last two times i saw her was with some insanely jealous boyfriend (a different one each time) so we couldnt talk. i keep meaning to ask her if her taste in insanely jealous men has died away. then i saw the girl from the coffee shop, who i would never in a hundred years (after that, probably) have thought would get caught up in the drug scene and get nabbed for possession. but, such is life in a small town. the girl next door is also the girl with the oppressive coke habit.

now we begin another week, monday, the day to end all days, draws to a close and finds me trying to catch a buzz as usual.

what is that infernal beeping sound?

and with no one to talk to, i must turn to thee, ole blog. ye wonder of the internets. giving me a space to write, when i neher considered myself a writer, giving me a chance to publish my "work", so that other people might see. glory of chite, it is. you know, budweiser is so god damn watery. whereas i may drink six grolsch, heini or pilsner urquell on a weeknight, i swear i need like ten of these things to feel sufficiently buzzworthy. and as far as domestic beer, it only gets worse from there.

i'm leaving here soon, and i have only told the most cursory of people. i told the lady at the credit union when i inquired as to how much of a bitch it is to close an account, i told the waitress at the bar, i think i have told like one other person. but i havent said shit to the people it might mean something to. my family, mostly. but really, what the hell does it matter. i neher see them anyway, what with our schedules being completely opposite. i keep envisioning the day when my mom calls me to tell me her mother has passed, and i will have to pretend to care, although i dont know how to do so, and i will have to try and act like my mother and i are close, although we are the furthest thing from it. it is a sad thing when your family knows you about as well as any other acquaintance, and you have lived together for years.

but its something you just have to face. when you arent on this earth to tend to a family, it doesnt seem important. i've neher been close, and i dont intend to try. a few generations from now our physical remains may be dug up by some archaeologist, if they deny me my wish to be cremated. then we are nothing more than bones, and the conjecture surrounding us and the items in our graves. when this is over we will not want for one another. i know that i am here for several reasons, and raising/taking care of family is not on the list. i have always been nomadic, solitary and lately those feelings just get stronger and stronger. we all come from somewhere, from someone, but does anyone really care from where, or from who? does it matter, beyond the grave? to some people, i'm sure it does. heritage and lineage, and the empathy of family bring strong feelings for some. but i feel like a spiritual nomad, my soul is more compared to the body i inhabit and the people who spawned me. as much as i care for them, i can not place too much stock in the idea of a family and it's established connections. i do not intend to carry on our genes, there is no way i will eher settle down, there is nothing for me in the zombified comfort of a permanent relationship with its trappings of guaranteed sex and emotional comfort, along with a sense of economic and emotional stability. if i dont die early, i will die as that wierd old man with no family or friends, one who came from somewhere, but who knows where that is. i will pass on leaving behind me a body of work that will be noticed by few, but cherished forever in my soul, knowing that i created something more than another generation, another family to mourn one's loss, one more child to grow, live, and learn.

is there really anything else? some would have you think that there isnt.

what the hell does it matter anyway.

go read my links, bitch!

i still cant figure out what the hell is beeping...

no more scientists

2006-07-20T01:14:00.000-07:00

oh, but does anyone really care? about anything, really. here and there, yes, i'm sure, but i mean come on.

so how much of a bitch is moving, man? i mean really. i have to tell my folks, give notice at my job, make sure i have enough saved, roll over my 401k into a roth ira or whatever it is that you do, hope that my jalopy makes it all the way there, and a whole host of other things. meanwhile you are dealing with apprehension, because you are still in your comfortable surroundings, and you are thinking, "well, if i dont make it out by such and such a date, it will be fine because i can just leave the next month" and shit like that. one problem:

i have been thinking that for the past 5 years!

if i continue to allow myself to be placated and lulled into complacency by the wiles of this horrendous place, i will wake up soon to my 50th birthday and realize i have not moved an inch! it is not possible for one such as myself to stay in one place like this and be in the least bit happy. i have to just throw down and leave, no matter what the consequences, no matter what i might overlook, no matter what i will realize i have forgotten to do, for once i get there, i'm there man! i am not at the place i once was. sure, this will open up new problems and challenges, but they will be NEW problems and challenges! i cannot abide by this place any longer. come september, i will be posting from good ole' san antonio. this i can assure you.

perhaps then my posts will be interesting to more than 1.5 people.

sz.sw.out

bitches and hoes, you broke her nose

2006-07-20T00:38:00.000-07:00

the highlight of my day was when daily hater (hateonastick) built in a clause in his hate for men with long fingernails to exclude trannies from said hate. why does this make me so happy? because i live in a tiny town right now and the little things are all i have. hell, all i do for fun nowadays is read blogs and flame people anonymously on the internet. and play warhammer quest. and drink. like a fish. i was quite happy to become a part of the daily hater community. i read it ehery day, so why not participate? i waited for some hate that struck a nerve and then i laid it out. and the king of all haters felt my pain and put a clause in the hate for good men with pretty nails. world of wonders, this is.

i've been reading israeli blogs to get a feel for whats up in the east. i havent gone over to the lebanese blogs yet, but i'm getting there. i managed to start a low grade flamewar with an anonymous commenter on the israeli blog i was checking out. it was quite obvious from his poor grammar and spelling and oddly shallow yet aggressive mindset that he was american. the real giveaway was how he kept quoting michael savage. it was funny to me, because he was talking about the enemy within on an israeli blog, with people who have probably never heard of savage, let alone the enemy within thing. it's a whole book, for peter's sake. this anonymous ameriki was ranting about how in a time of war, if people were protesting against the war, we would (read: should) arrest them for treason. most of the israeli and lebanese commenters pointed out that americans are always too ready to denounce that which our country was founded on. (free speech, for one)

as usual, the answer lies somewhere in the middle. yes, in a time of war (what time isnt a time of war these days, for any people of earth?) we must be vigilant and watch for treasonous and seditious enemies of our states, within our own borders, and protect ourselves. but consider the fact that now, although we are not at war with any specific country, not officially, for what its worth, we have leftist senators and congressman rooting for al qaida and hizballah simply because if the terrorists gain ground, so will bush lose ground, along with his party. no thoughts for the innocents that might die on the road to re-election. consider also the case of the new york times and its lewd and perverse relationship with the CIA, enabling them to come across valuable national security information and then publish it for the american people and those who wish to destroy our way of life to see. these are all people and organizations running free within our "democracy", and i have seen no charges brought against them. at the same time as the left tries to destroy our country under the false flag of diversity and "the common man", the right in this country is busy inviting anyone south of the border to come on in and live off of our taxpayers. nevermind the millions of people waiting impatiently in line to come to our fine country, if you are from mejico, you get a free pass to the front of the line! free tacos, and free healthcare. all you have to do is trudge your sweaty, downtrodden ass across the border. dont worry, there is no fence. just welcoming border patrol agents, and goodwill emissaries with bottles of water.

i raised the point with this fellow, that if we should prosecute simple, peaceful, (although perhaps ignorant and sometimes violent) demonstrators, then why should we not try those at the highest levels of government, and those who sit in their ivory towers of the media establishment, for their treasonous actions? for one, our system has no recourse through which the people can bring down the fools who claim to represent them and shame them in the streets. once in office, you can believe that they will stay in office. for a good, long time. representative republic, my ass!

there is no simple answer. on one hand, anyone should be able to say what they want. at any time. (however this is not the case, for many people. have you ever seen a NAMBLA rally in your downtown area? only in san fran, man.) news outlets should be able to report the news. but at what point does your speech or your news report become treason? it is a tough question. at the same time, our government is so cowardly that they are not willing to ask this question, lest they lose their precious special interest campaign contributions from this or that country club arsehole. blatantly seditious and treasonous acts have been going on publicly since day one of the war on terror. since then our troops have been castrated, our military might has been muzzled, and most have been made to think of america as one big pornstar cowboy with breast implants and a movie deal giving the finger and kicking a homeless black man in the face.

luckily, the "most", that is, the people who believe that garbage, are by and large ignorant and silly fools. unluckily, many of these people reside within our borders. and it is much easier to brainwash the stupid than those who will question your ideology.

enough! next post deals with something else. i could go on all nite about this shit and still want to hurt someone in the morning. it all comes out here, because the people i meet are too stupid to understand....

you want to know what they say? every person in this town who i have overheard talking about any international conflict? one of two things:

bomb em. kill em all and forget about it.
or:
get our boys out of there. leave them alone and they'll leave us alone. i hate bush.

yeah, real smart guys. nice options that you've laid out for yourselves. my faith in the general populous has been restored.

idiots. sheep, all of you.

feeling emotional? why not blog?

2006-07-20T00:34:00.000-07:00

why, indeed. i'll start by apologizing to my readership for the sappiness of the last post. why apologize to your "readership" if i am the only person who reads this blog, you ask? well, i'll tell you why. because i talk to myself more than anyone else and if anyone deserves an apology for the poor writing i have to read its me. i'll tell you why not blog while feeling emotional. see the next post! (above, not below, because i'm feelin like a puh and its time to do some drunken ranting)

sz.sw.out

70 days / to my brother and sister

2006-06-22T01:52:00.000-07:00

approximately 70 days until i leave here to truly begin living. poi. tae bo. weightlifting. bill paying. djing. clubbing. playing music. having my own space. holy eucharist, man. it seems like fereher, but in my experience fereher is neher long enough. it goes by faster than your stepdad can bust a massive fart.

i dont care if you are happy or sad, pissed off about something or someone, or jubilant about your latest epiphany or whatever. savor that shit, because tomorrow you'll wake up and your 23rd birthday is next week.

i dread getting old. and yes, after 28 you are old. and i will be 28 in 5.5 years. considering how fast the last 5 years have gone by, i am currently trying to live every fucking day to the fullest. if you're young and depressed, buck the fuck up. dont keep that shit about you. life goes on and there is nothing more depressing than being 30 and depressed.

i want you to dream, i want you to make those dreams come true. i want you to love and hate, i want you to feel every pain and every joy. please stop spending every day thinking you are nothing, because you are everything. find yourself. make yourself. BE YOURSELF. no one else will do it for you. i hope happiness finds you. i know it will, and i'll be there as much as i can.

poonem/sz/sw out

fresh meat for the grinder

2006-06-19T22:51:00.000-07:00

new girl started today. it was funny to watch my bosses be all nervous and fawn all over her and act somewhat foolish in what appeared to be a fatherly yet somewhat lustful happiness that she had come to work with us. homegirl was quite nervous and more than a little shy, but hot damn can she work. she came in after orientation (you know that boring part at the start of every job where they show you videos and you do paperwork) and banged out a job order that would take most of our staff (excluding me of course, for it is known that i am the man) 4 or 5 hours in about 2 or 3. i was thoroughly impressed. oddly enough, she seemed to think it took her way too long. i think this one will work out. i hope her shyness dissipates a bit as the weeks wear on. she doesnt know the art of slacking (of which i am a decorated master) either. i suppose she will have to learn, or be left behind! ha!

the kicker? my bosses hired her because of her ass. but because of the blue ESD shirt we wear, you totally cant see it! ha! ha ha! the eye runny. get it? no? eat one then. i am rarely in the mood.

lets do some embedding! no, you can keep your clothes on. unless you really want to get naked...

recently i discovered youtube, and through it, the vlog. (vidlog, for the uninitiated or acronym deduction impaired) i pissed around watching people's vlogs for an hour or so. some were cool, like the american who lives in china:

or the german middle school kids:

the german middle school kids were actually interesting, although i didnt watch the whole thing. oddly enough i found plenty of other vlogs by middle school students that were totally boring, yet dealt with the same subject matter (or lack thereof). i guess its just cool because they are speaking german.

there were an unnerving amount of vlogs similar to this one with the middle school girl talking about nothing and having on way too much makeup. (this from an aspiring drag queen!)

by far the coolest one i found was this vlog that summed up my entire experience, right down to the last part. try to suffer through the whole thing and share this guy's pain.

another interesting phenomena is the number of deaf people with vlogs. i clicked on a few and there would be like some guy or girl speaking mad sign language. and these people had some of the more interesting vlogs, because there is mad debate over shit going on in the deaf vlogging community. the one that jumped out at me was this debate over whether or not deaf vlogs should be subtitled. i totally dont speak sign language so i would have to go with yeah, it would be cool if they were. but i can see how this would spark debate.

some of the vlogs i saw were dumb, some strange, some intriguing and some were downright disturbing. all in all, vlogs are just like blogs, by and large they are pretty fucking boring, and there are a shitload of them. A REAL HUGE FUCKING 5 TON SHITLOAD. plus the word vlog is totally whack just like the word blog. but if you look hard enough you stumble upon some that are worth checking out.

so of course i have been inspired to do one of these myself. i've seen enough bad ones to know what not to do, and i've got some ideas and a camera. so when the shit blows up its blowin up like your stepdad in the bathroom after 8 beers and a can of chili, bitch!

i also need some video editing software. i cant run windows movie maker on win98, (indeed, i live in the stone age) and most other free edit software is mad complicated. anybody know of some fairly easy to use, free/reasonably priced video editing programs?

sz/sw out

death rock

2006-06-16T01:08:00.000-07:00

two decks. mixer. mic. yes, i could do weddings. if you're into that type of thing. i want to dj at clubs. weddings, bar mitzvahs, i could do those too. but i'm not your average joe dj, i dont play whitesnake and i dont know shit about the beatles. i often fantasize about doing sets at clubs on a goth or 80's nite, but one thing troubles me. i have a pretty massive music collection. i could do at least a 4 hour set, probably more. i could make a jammin mix tape in no time. but the thing that bothers me is, does anyone want to hear the shit i get down to?

the music i like is already several steps down in any sub genre tree you could imagine. in the US, its even further down the trunk, or up depending on the graph. i know a few people that listen to the goth/industrial genre, and know a bit about the shite. but what about all the sub-genres? what about noise? powernoize? medieval electro? death rock? super pop? all of these names mean different things to different people. but in the US, i have been to quite a few "goth" nites at various clubs, and have talked to a few "goth" people about music. we can all agree that cabaret voltaire and bauhaus or joy division are gothic rock. we know that VNV and apoptygma berzerk are definitely "goth industrial", but how broad is that shit? at what point did einsturzende neubauten become "goth industrial"? how about melotron? camouflage? the only thing they have in common is that they are electronic. they are no more goth than britney spears, if you consider the image and sometimes the subject matter, but at a certain point shit becomes ubiquitous within a subculture, whether it is bout it or not.

the thing that bothers me is that if i were to dj a set somewhere, i just couldnt be sure that people would like it. not to say that's what its all aboot, but djing is about making people move, dance, and enjoy themselves while they are out. so of course, to a certain extent, they are going to want to hear shit that they dig. this is where i run into a problem. in all of the goth (using the term loosely) clubs/parties i have been to, the dj has had a very limited knowledge of the hugely varied genres and bands that make up the electro/industrial/ebm/goth (whatever) scene. their sets are limited to maybe 15 or 20 acts that everyone knows about. VNV, APB, funker vogt, skinny puppy, NIN, wumpscut, assemblage 23, front line assembly, i mean i could go on, but not on and on. if the average motherfucker from my sub or sub-sub-subculture (however deep you want to go, and it does go that deep) took a look at my box of records, they wouldnt know what the fuck they are looking at. in strict confidence? girls under glass? trans-x? aslan faction? spetsnaz? l'ame immortelle? on and on, shit that you may or may not have heard, but all of it shit that i have never heard played live here in the states. ever.

the thing that bugs me is, will my sub-sub-subculture shit fly well enough that the crowd enjoys it? or will everybody just sit around off to the side until i throw on "let the wind erase me" which i think totally sucks? i like hip hop too, to a certain extent, but throwin on a few songs that i like at a club will not get the same reaction as puttin on the latest thing that is being shoved down their throats such as beyonce's latest vocal vomit "check up on it" with its infantile lyrics, annoying melody and dirt shit drumbeats.

so i'm dealing with an offbeat culture that revels in being out of the mainstream, but they totally have their own shit that is mainstream to them, and i dont like or own most of it. i am so far down the tunnel of underground music that there may be no turning back.

or i could move to europe. everybody knows this shit there. where do you think i get all this shit from?

in other news...

apparently the folks at work have found someone to replace the somewhat ditzy but nice coworker i used to have on nite shift. she moved to virginia for some reason. she was nice and all but i wasnt too broken up about it. in my line of work you lift heavy shit constantly. yet somehow the stockroom/receiving team is comprised of 60% women. older women, with recurring injuries. women who claim they cannot lift anything over 15 pounds (although the job description clearly states that you must be able to lift 50-70 lbs and up to 100 lbs at times) but i know that they go home and do laundry, and a basket of clothes can weigh as much as 20 lbs. gallon of milk? no problem. box of metal? sorry, call one of the dudes over. i am all for equal opportunity, for you right to do the same job as me, but dont you think you ought to be able to do the same job that i do if you are hired for it?

all that aside, we have enough strong people to get by, and i thoroughly enjoy most of my coworkers' company. the last girl that worked nites with me was nice, but i tell ya she was an mtv kinda kid. she drank to excess all the time with her friends, but then frowned at me and called me an alcoholic when i related the fact that i generally drink at least 2 beers a day (by myself, oh the horror!). she loved paris hilton and laguna beach, and all that shite. she was a nice enough kid, but just way too shallow for me. for christ's sake, she would lament to no end about how her parents were, say, buying her younger brother a new car because he wrecked his, but she cant get a new car too. "but you drive a 2005 mitsu lancer" i said. "yeah but its just not faaaairrr!". i kid you not. all that aside, i digress.

i've been working by myself for about 2 months now, and reveling in every minute of it. i love being alone at work. even the extra workload has not phased me. but in order for me to be able to call in sick or take some days off without my department getting fucked, i need someone else. so i knew eventually they would get somebody, and hoped that it would be someone who could literally pull their own weight, as in i wouldnt have to lift all of their heavy shit as well as the stuff i have to deal with on a daily basis, which is the way it was with the last girl.

but lo and behold, a couple days ago i walked in to hear my two (count em two) bosses chattering about someone they just interviewed for the position. one looked at me and said "ooooh man if this goes through you owe us man, you owe us." of course i'm like "dude what the hell are you going on about" and through their ramblings i figure out that they have interviewed some young woman for the position that is currently empty, namely my right hand (wo)man on nite shift. why should i owe you? its your job to hire someone else, seeing as how we are short staffed, i'm thinking. "she's hot man, she's hot" they say. oh great, you are hiring another girl that cant pull her fucking weight around here, i am going to have to listen to her incessant chatter about mtv and fallout boy, and be her little bitch when it comes to lifting anything over 5 pounds. thanks guys, i really "owe you one".

you know, until today i really thought that most people were hired on their merits, and not their looks/race/connections. i am so totally wrong.

the really irritating thing is how they assume that i am some sort of lecher, and start telling me that i need to "stay off of her" because she's only 19. i keep telling them, i dont give a flying pig's fuck who she is, what she looks like, or whose neice she is, all i want is someone with a strong back who can follow directions. of course, this seems absurd and they havent listened to me since i started saying this. and the whole time they are assuming i am just some skag out to bag her in the screw room (we really have a stockroom called the screw room) is totally offensive to me. but i have to play along with their macho bullshit, and they have no idea about the fact that i will never have another girlfriend, nor the fact that i prefer men, because hell if i told them that then my job would be at the least uncomfortable, and at the most in serious jeopardy. yeah, it's that kind of town.

so my question is, if i'm the one that needs to stay off of her 19 year old ass, then why are you hiring her specifically because of the fact that you will now be able to stare at said hind quarters all day?

i dont fucking get it. and my back doesnt get it either.

sz/sw out.

mad breaks

2006-06-14T02:00:00.000-07:00

most of my friends are hippies. not really stereotypical hippies, but they like the beatles and tie dye and the grateful dead. they enjoy discussing the intricacies of beatles songs and tend to smoke a lot of dope. personally, i listen to techno and drink a lot of booze. oddly enough, i have known my friends long enough and we have just enough in common that we can still manage to hang out even with all of our lifestyle discrepancies. their taste in music is generally horrible, so i am subjected to a lot of hippie shit when we chill/party. however, once the atmosphere is loosened and lubricated by mind altering substances, i can play a little game i like to call:

MAKE HIPPIES LISTEN TO TECHNO.

its mad fun. once everybody gets to a certain point i can generally sneak up to the music box and infiltrate one of my cds into the mix. then i see how long it plays before the hippies notice and try to deny my 1st amendment right to play techno because they dont like it. (is that really covered under the 1st amendment? well it is now, damn it.) usually this doesnt last for even a third of the song, because hippie ears are very sensitive to the harsh shit that i listen to. but i will do it again and again throughout the night, without fail, until the party is over. somehow it never gets old. plus i get a short break from all the god damn beatles songs. what the hell is the deal with the beatles anyway? sure, they are one of the most influential bands of all time, and their innovation helped shape modern music, blah blah blah. i wont say they werent talented, because they were. they had what it takes to be a good band. but notice the past tense. had. i'm not saying that just because a band is old that they automatically suck, but come on. the shit is oldies, man. most people hear the beatles and think, "wow, this is a great song." doesnt matter which one, they are all great in a beatles fan's mind. but most of that shit just sounds fucking ear shatteringly putrid to me. most of the lyrics are completely trite, vacuous prose, and many of the melodies are ear piercingly shrill. not to mention lennon/mcartney's voice. yikes, man.

but that's just me, honestly. i am probably the only person on this god forsaken planet that will actually admit that i dont like the beatles. "what? you dont like the beatles? sacrilege! burn the heretic!" is generally the rallying cry. i have seriously met people that liked me up until i told them i dont like the fucking beatles, and then only tolerated me after i pandered a bit and oozed about how talented they were but they just "arent my thing, man."

today i actually held an informal, 45 second conversation with maintenance guy in which he looked at me instead of through me, and responded when i spoke instead of just rambling on. i guess the guy has his days.

what is the deal with the myspace time wasters? dont they know that there is mad cool shit to read/do on the internet at any given point at which you need to kill time because you're "bored so i'm doing this quiz" or "rape is a crime" (actual bulletin title)? i'm on myspace. i admit it. i like to check out all the bands i like that are on there, mad of my friends that arent in my area anymore are on there, its a useful tool as well as a way to waste mad time. BUT after you've customized your profile and put that song that i dont like on there (i really dont like any of them) and done about 10 quizzes and posted like 47 irrelevant bulletins and then reposted like mad more that were whack to begin with and are still whack even after you put your john's hand-cock on the bottom, dont you people get bored? dont you ever wonder just what the fuck else could i be wasting my time on via the internet? honestly people, there is a fuck of a lot more out there. it's a "whole nother" world once you get your sea legs and start toddling about the internet. this is only the truth, which i have been blessed with an uncanny ability to tell.

at work we have a cafeteria, or "canteen" as my british coworkers call it, and there are like 4 refrigerators to store your shit in while you work, presumably so it will be fresh when you get your break and you want to eat/drink it. apparently they are also there so that people can STEAL YOUR FUCKING PASTRAMI SANDWICH. i had a pastrami sandwich on an onion roll just chillin in there and as we all know i work mad overtime. so when everyone else is going home to eat their fill and do whatever it is that they do, i'm still working. and a little after everyone leaves, once i have fully used the calories consumed in my "lunch" 4 or 5 hours ago, and the coffee buzz wears off a bit, and i know that i am going to be working for at least another two hours, i get a little hungry. i dont need anything big, just maybe something like PASTRAMI ON AN ONION ROLL! that i painstakingly prepared myself! i have worked at this place for almost a year now and no one has ever stolen shit out the fridge, yo. however, we recently hired a bunch of god damn high school kids to do god knows what on the production floor. they are the only people in the plant with no fucking scruples or morals, those having been completely stripped away or never acquired in the first place while they grew up in the care of our imperial federal government schools.

that bitch had grey poupon on it. i know because i made it. sandwich thief, had you asked for the pastrami, i would have given it freely even if it was the last thing i had. but now, you will never be forgiven. you will burn in the hellfires of my dagger throwing eyes for centuries, until my omnipotence overwhelms your soul and you become no more than an endless ringing oscillation barely heard by the lowliest gutter dog, and

well its not really that bad.

but that bitch had grey poupon on it, yo!

*rolls down window* "excuse me sir, do you have any ILL GOTTEN SANDWICH?"

sz/sw out

2006-06-13T03:13:00.000-07:00

damn this unholy post dawn sunshine. by the time i get home from work and get shit squared away to the point where i can waste time on the internet until i get tired (which never really happens) the fucking sun comes up. people are waking up, brewing coffee, getting the paper and having a good fart before going about their busy days. how about, like, three more hours of darkness, please?

the maintenance guy at my place of employment is a total whack job. not total, he's a good cat and all, but definitely eccentric. basically the wierd thing about this guy is that he talks to himself. more than i do. more than anyone i have ever met. and he does it while you are standing right next to him. even when he's looking right at you in an attempt to feign conversation, he is still just talking to himself. i'll try to respond and converse normally but he'll just keep right on talking, staring straight through me like some sort of tunisian warlord.

breaking news: the worst thing about my lifestyle right now is that i am near totally introverted by way of my schedule. get up at 3 to be at work by 3, get there 20 minutes late. work until 230 am. well, when i say "work" its sort of subjective because all i really do is bullshit on the internet for at least 4 hours, leave for lunch without clocking out, and then around 10 or 11 i bust ass like there's no tomorrow to make it look like i really worked for 12 hours. so far, this has been an effective strategy.

but back to my schedule and the way it has destroyed my life. everyone i know, my family (whom i live with, much to the detriment of my otherwise bacheloresque lifestyle) included, operates in/on normal human time. which consists of getting up before like, dusk. and going to bed before midnight. in six minutes someone in my house will wake up, fart really loud, and start their day as i am just forcing myself to go to sleep. so this really puts the towel on my rack, so to speak. when i could be lifting weights and doing tae bo in the living room, everyone in the house is snoring. when i could be drinking and chainsmoking by the computer (well i cant smoke inside, much to my inner bachelor's chagrin) while reading random blogs and flaming people anonymously, they are starting to stir in their beds, eager to get up and do whatever it is that they do all day. and thats just at home!

all of my friends are on this same type of normal human schedule. so while i'm busting down 12 hours worth of work in 4 hours, my friends are finishing their beers and getting ready to go home to their wives/dogs/porn/tv and then off to bed. so when i'm done at work i wind up with nothing to do but clandestinely drink at the computer and smoke outside. the kicker is that once i really get down to brass tits and i'm about to catch a buzz and maybe be able to sleep, everyone gets up, so i have to stop drinking.

i cant win. i need to move the hell back out of here. i have absolutely no problem with rarely seeing my friends or family because of our differing schedules. but if i am the only one who lives like this, wouldnt it make more sense for me to be truly alone? like in my own domain type of thing.

i think so. i would keep writing but people are getting up and disrupting my flow. i just heard a massive fart.

see what i mean?

sz/sw out

2006-06-09T02:35:00.000-07:00

put up some new links. check em.

much love to the blogger navbar's random feature and mic litter for getting me posting again. for obvious reasons. or not.

and thanks to me for fixing the comp so i can get online at home! i'm the fucking greatest. dont you think? yeah, i thought so.

sw/sz out

2006-06-09T01:44:00.000-07:00

three wishes...

this comes up often when i'm daydreaming. i've considered many options over the years, thought extensively on what i would do when presented with the typical genie/lamp/rubbing scenario. wealth beyond my wildest dreams? no, not really. great power and rule over other people? overrated. ability to fly? please.

think language, people. to be able to read and write every human language ever spoken or written on this planet. to revoke the biblical story of babel, at least for myself, and have every communication barrier stripped away. to know what that sign in chinatown says. to greet and converse with the indian, the pakistani, the latino, the rapper. to break down one of the strongest barriers between cultures: language. i meet so many great people every day, but will never get to know many of them because they dont speak my language, and vice versa.

civilization began when we started to communicate and cooperate. modern society would not exist if people could not share their ideas. if only i could get hold of one of those universal translators that they use in star trek to convert any language into english. seriously, am i alone here? dont you remember the episode of DS9 when quark and his brother get sent back in time/space to civil war era america? their universal translators malfunctioned? there was that whole scene where they were hitting their heads to make them work and then the soldiers started doing it because they thought it was a greeting and

well i'll spare you any more of that. be warned, the whole staticwarp thing is a not so thinly veiled star trek reference. it comes up a lot. for me. mostly because i talk to myself. a lot.

"if we could recalibrate the phase inducers to create an inverse tachyon pulse, we could direct it at the anomaly and create a static warp shell, which could reverse the devastating havoc it is wreaking on the space/time continuum."

oh yes.

but seriously, three wishes. i know what my first would be. anyone else care to share?

sz/sw out

2006-06-08T01:45:00.000-07:00

i work for a company called filtronic comtek, which is "like, totally international". the company started in the UK, then branched out overseas, and now has locations all over europe, a few in china, and a few here in the states. one of the cool things about working for an international company is that when they need something done in a certain location but dont have the manpower readily available, they take some extra people from one place and ship them temporarily to another. such was the case last week, when a guy named joe got shipped over here from west yorkshire, england.

he was only here for a few days, but in those days he and i became friends and i had an opportunity to get a european perspective on all kinds of things from alcohol to fights to politics and more.

i found out that in the UK people get into bar fights all the fucking time. also bartenders and waitstaff are paid a standard wage instead of working for tips. he asked me why they work for tips here and get paid less than minimum wage, and after i asked him a few questions i figured out that the average entree in the UK costs about twice as much as it does here, and you get less food. he said that when he went to outback steakhouse he had to pick his jaw up off the ground because they just kept putting food on the table, even though he only ordered one thing. i attribute this to the decrease in labor cost that restaurants here enjoy because waitstaff and bartenders rely on their good service to get the customer to pay their bills instead of the company. i then had the chance to see him tip a bartender for the first time. i found out that the average truck or SUV that is so common here would never be seen on the roads in the UK, because they just wouldnt fit!

he had a lot of stories to tell, and we talked about all types of shit. the conversation eventually came round to politics and the "issues", as it inevitably does. i found that we agreed on quite a lot of things, and were similarly frustrated at the problems facing the average citizen today. when the topic eventually came round to muslims, his mood visibly darkened. now before the liberal in you cries racism and condemns this man as a backwoods, blair/bush loving conservative bible thumper narrow minded sloth, hear me out.

he told me, in no uncertain terms, about the muslim takeover of europe. anyone with eyes, ears and a brain can see that it is happening, so long as they dont make a special effort to deny the facts and accept the media blackout. he told me about the takeover of entire neighborhoods. about how on his block he is one of the few non muslim people left. about how muslims are coming into europe and taking advantage of every little inch that the liberal and free society will give them, forcing them to surrender miles more, and then quite literally looking down on europeans and shaming them by saying, "well what have you done for us?" already they are beginning to demand that europeans abide by muslim laws.

i cant recall all the horror stories he told me. but i remember well his description of the situation. "y'see, it's like right now europe is the titanic. and we're at the stage where we've just hit the iceberg, the captain's told everyone to remain calm, and everyone's playing football on deck with the ice. but right under them, the ship's taking on water. pretty soon we'll be all the way under. that's why i'm getting out. that's why my mates and my family want to get out too."

i've heard leftist radicals in this country talk about wanting to move to europe just because bush is in office. if you ask me, a two term president who pushes his own agenda before that of the people is not enough to warrant desertion of one's homeland. an unofficial hostile takeover, however, would be a different story. perhaps some people would be content to live in europe under sharia law. america has its problems, but it's still one of the best places on earth to be born and to live. right now its smooth sailing, but i suggest we keep our eyes out for the iceberg.

sz out

2006-06-07T02:19:00.000-07:00

i havent posted here in a while. today i'm going to write about why.

i started this particular site as a way to get into the newsblog/punditry thing, hence the name. i have always had a certain soft spot in my cold, black little heart for current issues, and when i analyze them and think about them i can usually come up with some pretty intelligent things to say about them. i was also inspired by the likes of gatewaypundit, michelle malkin, and neal boortz. i was also very bored at the time and i had an old, slow laptop in front of me that was only good for pissing about on the internet. i also needed an outlet with which to talk about these things without getting into a pissing match with someone who disagreed with me.

so why did i stop? well, think for a moment about any conversation you've ever had with anyone about politics or current events (i'm not talking about american idol or laguna beach). chances are it became somewhat heated, whether you agreed with one another or not. it takes passion to blog about this shit. you have to be fired up about it. why do you think all those protesters look so pissed off? why do you think the most successful pundits are perpetually disgruntled? because that's what enables you to talk about the same issues for months on end. to take sides. to care at all about the process, the politics, the people, the killing, the money, the power, the issues. after a while i started noticing the way my favorite pundits wind up bringing out the same talking points, recycling pet causes, basically becoming redundant. but they never lost their passion for what they were talking about. i did. i cant force myself to care so vigorously about an issue that i stay pissed off about it once i come up with a solution. not that my ideas will ever be implemented. but when sensible people think things through, work together to find real solutions and apply them cooperatively, things get done. our government is not composed of sensible people. neither is the majority of our population. that is why things dont get done.

i need a beer.

got it. thats why i stopped writing about politics. about news. about issues. the redundancy of it all wore away at me until i couldnt force myself to care. now i settle for reading about it, commenting on it, thinking about it, and letting it go. this site started as a place to rant about the issues. but i think that the issues are but a small part of its destiny. i'll never lose my passion completely, but i recognize the futility of punditry, and it's just not fun enough to stay mad about this shit if you arent getting paid to do so.

so the next post will probably have something to do with talking cereal, or mature water buffalo porn.

sz out

2006-03-23T17:23:00.000-08:00

racism pisses me off.

check out this "exercise". read it, count how many steps you take forward and back, and then tell me what you think. better yet, tell bailey22 what you think. i sure as hell did. here's the little gem i sent his way after reading this garbage:

--------------------
subject: what does it mean to be white?????

i found the "privilege exercise" on your website to be utterly absurd. if this was intended to be an exercise to see who in a group of people are privileged, you have failed miserably. this is an exercise in racism. there is no objectivity here. if you wanted to find out who grew up with more privileges than others, why does the graphic at the top of the page say "what does it mean to be white?" i believe a better name for this "exercise" would be "which one of you fits my stereotype of a rich, privileged white person". i did your exercise, and found that i took six steps forward and THIRTEEN steps back. what color do you think my skin is? with me somewhere near the back of the line, your racist mind would probably come to the conclusion that i belong to a race of dark skinned people. you would be dead wrong. i am white. i dont have any fancy, hyphenated, politically correct way to describe myself. i take issue with quite a few of your questions. for example:

"If there were people of color who worked in your household as servants, gardeners, etc., take one step forward."

what do you mean? this question is as ambiguous as it is baited. are you asking if my parents hired landscapers or cleaners, or are you asking if my family owned slaves? either way, my family shared those responsibilities. am i still white in your eyes? my mother worked as a housekeeper. does that make her black?

"If there were more than 50 books in your house when you grew up, take one step forward."

are you implying that just because someone's family doesnt read much that they are poor or underprivileged? i grew up poor, but i still read books constantly. so did the rest of my family. i work with a girl who grew up substantially better off than i did, and other than required reading for school, all she has ever read is cosmopolitan magazine.

"If you were ever offered a good job because of your association with a friend or family member, take one step forward."

i stepped forward on this one. i also have several friends of different races that work here at the same place because they were recommended by a friend or family member. again, is this exercise about being privileged, or about being white?

just what is this exercise trying to prove?

here are my answers to your "processing questions":

1) i took thirteen steps back and six steps forward.

2) this exercise made me feel angry.

3) when i did this exercise i thought about the fact that the people in this country who say they oppose racism are the ones that continue to foment it.

4) i learned that there is another racist out there masquerading his opinions in the guise of diversity.

5) i can do nothing with this information as it is completely worthless.

i look forward to your reply.

sincerely,

justin d.
--------------------------------------------------------------

what do you think?

2006-02-19T22:26:00.000-08:00

ouch! my newborn cock!

this is another crazy issue. circumcision is definitely wierd and brutal. why, in the name of chut, do people do this anyway? who had the bright idea one day to slice off some kids foreskin. i dont get it, but it is prevalent in america. i wonder why...

2006-02-19T22:17:00.000-08:00

i wonder how this one is gw's fault...

2006-02-19T22:05:00.000-08:00

big brother is watching me...

what do you think? i think this was a great article. it portrays as many sides of the story as it can, and opens quite a few channels of thought. discussion on this is vital. how do you feel about being watched? if the cameras are required, should the government pay for them? does this violate civil liberties, or does it protect law abiding citizens? i would have to read the legislature to make sure it is not fucked, however the idea is a good one. as long as they dont require cameras inside of a private business, it strikes me as prudent.

2006-02-19T20:52:00.000-08:00

oh.my.god. why the fuck do these hollywood assholes ever dare to open their mouths about anything? they are no more informed than the average citizen (which is to say that the average citizen is about as informed as a dumb rock) but they use their fame to disseminate their opinions as if they actually matter. and the shitty thing is, people listen!

-----------------------------------------------
"Cheney is a terrorist. He terrorizes our enemies abroad and innocent citizens here at home indiscriminately. Who ever thought Harry Whittington would be the answer to America's prayers. Finally, someone who might get that lying, thieving Cheney into a courtroom to answer some direct questions."
-------------------------------------------------------------

read the whole thing. its garbage, conjecture, and pure malice.
who the fuck does he think he is? alec baldwin? oh, wait.....

2006-02-19T20:44:00.000-08:00

ouch!
think they can really afford to lose our oil business? i dont think so, but im not exactly an expert.

2006-02-17T00:54:00.000-08:00

larry elder says something that i've been saying for a long time... if you catch my drift, nudge nudge

2006-02-17T00:46:00.000-08:00

ann coulter sounds off again... i dont know whether to love her or hate her. she is one of the hottest pundits out there right now...

2006-02-17T00:29:00.000-08:00

the west as scapegoat?

this is a decent column, but such a shallow worldview is dangerous...

2006-02-16T23:54:00.000-08:00

i'm still not done with my post on iran... so i'll regale you with other news...

replace cheney?
a good column on the big buzz about cheney's hunting accident. the media calls for his resignation, but is it a bad idea? should he continue to take the hit for the administration or should he bring in a successor?

2006-02-14T22:06:00.000-08:00

google news search has just mauled my face with news. i have learned more in 5 minutes reading one column by an iranian than i could hope to learn in 5 billion years of watching and reading american media.

check out jook leung. i found this pic in his gallery. it perfectly illustrates my mood right now.

i also found out that hegemony is a really cool word. ^_^

more to come, oh yes, much more...

];[ poonem!

2006-02-12T22:12:00.000-08:00

runaway capitalism?

------------------
"Wal-Mart is on a rampage across America but no one is doing anything about it," says hardware store worker John Faenza in the film. Greenwald reports that wages and property values fell when Wal-Mart came to town.
---------------------

a rampage? no one is doing anything about it? lets play a little game shall we? its called lets be honest here. i'm going to be brutally honest and you are going to try and do the same.

corporate rampage?
wal mart started out the same way every other business did. it battled competition, it survived, it grew. so what is so evil about it now?

poor healthcare options?
i would like to know when it became a private firm's responsibility to provide healthcare to the people it employs. sure, its a nice thing to do, but is it a requirement?

"the average wage is between $7.50 and $8.50 an hour, the average-on-the-clock workweek is only 32 hours."
7.50 & 8.50? thats nothing to laugh at. 32 hours a week? about what you'd expect for your average american job. that is what we get when we work jobs like this. a wal mart employee will not make as much as say, a sewage treatment expert. but the average american may not have gone to school to learn the viscous and slightly odiferous ways of the sewage treatment professional. you need little to no education to work at wal mart, it is not a career (which those in capitalist societies should seek) but a job. the people who work at wal mart are not forced into their work. they work there because to them, it is better than not working at all. wal mart does well and employs people because of the very things that the WM haters complain about. non union employees, poor healthcare options and lower than low prices. but these people work at wal mart because they choose to, just as the people who shop there choose to. that is the beauty of the capitalist system. walmart is not putting small merchants out of business because it is an "evil corporation", consumers are putting small merchants out of business because they are opportunists, and in a word, capitalists. they will shop where the price is best and the place most convenient. these people need to realize that it is not corporate greed, but simple economics that they are angry at. but everybody loves a target...

img courtesy of meetup dot com

2006-02-12T21:49:00.000-08:00

the mark of the beast?

not quite. just some security measures at a private firm. however, the idea of a global id card or, (more ominously for those reading revelations) a global id chip implanted in the body, is not inadmissable. i could see it happening within the next hundred or two years. if socialist and theocratically fascist powers come to rule a majority of the earth, it would not be improbable in the least. (i get bonus poliblogger points for my expansive vocabulary ^_^)

2006-02-12T19:18:00.000-08:00

this man is not evil, as some would propose. he is simply another world leader, doing and saying what he thinks is best for his people (or more likely his political party). no different than any other politician, if you think about it. (although the fact that he would like to see all westerners subjugated or dead leaves me a little peeved ^_^)

image courtesy of pub.tv2.no

ahmadinejad is calling for israel's destruction again. not surprising...

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
from the mouth of the mad mullah:

"We ask the West to remove what they created sixty years ago and if they do not listen to our recommendations, then the Palestinian nation and other nations will eventually do this for them," Ahmadinejad said in a ceremony marking the 27th anniversary of the Islamic revolution.

"Do the removal of Israel before it is too late and save yourself from the fury of regional nations," the ultra-conservative president said. He once again called the Holocaust a "fairy tale" and said Europeans have become hostages of "Zionists" in Israel.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

this war has been in the making for some time. most people have no idea why, especially here in the states where many citizens are more concerned with who is going to win american idol than the actions of our government, let alone the governments of other nations and the struggles which we as a global society have all been a part of for years, whether we realize it or not. humanity will always be tribal, even on a massive scale, and tribes always make war. this is not just about israel, this is not about jews, this is not about east or west, this is mankind in his element, waging tribal warfare with the new weapons he has created. he will destroy people with his guns and bombs and he will break wills with propaganda. it doesnt really matter who wins any war, because the people who truly lose will those that are innocent and not conciously involved, while those that "win" will only regroup and prepare for the next fight, so that more can die for the ideals and properties that man is willing to kill for. am i defending war or condemning it? i can do neither. if you think about it objectively war serves many purposes, one of which is population conrol; we as a species have few natural predators. however no one with a decent heart can condone mass killing, and at times i have been known to have feelings. ~_O

2006-02-10T01:42:00.000-08:00

we all know i believe in fairy tales...

so of course i can believe in moderate, sensible muslims! if only we heard their voices as loudly, and saw their actions as clearly as we see and hear those of the extremist fascist ideologue theocrats... (4 cool adjectives = bonus blogger points)

2006-02-10T01:10:00.000-08:00

its getting cold in here, so put on all your clothes...

i want to go to space, but i dont have $20 mil....

thank allah for the internet...

one more reason george clooney is a pussy...

gives a new meaning to airplane hangar...

and you thought I was obsessed with myself...

read this headline and then think to yourself: "how is it secret if the fucking media reports every second of the action? just a question. sure, people ought to know, but what madness is this? who told of the secret? would it have been better for the nation of france to keep this secret? every administration has those who would tell its secrets, to further their or their party's ends. ask yourself: is it right for the newsmedia to openly publish top secret national security information? freedom of press and speech are important. but at what point does a reporter become a traitor? i would love to hear some comments on this.

i'd also love to hear what you guys think of the new blog, and participation is encouraged! all opinions, all information you can provide brings us closer to understanding, closer to truth... even if we never get there, the journey will be fun...

2006-02-10T01:02:00.000-08:00

i've got er up and running. got my links set up for now... on to the situations and events i think you should know about....

2006-02-10T00:41:00.000-08:00