Sunday, July 26, 2009

kali yuga, ma, sha ti de

i look around and see death everywhere.

as the seconds tick by i see the world growing and dying in a vast, single instant.

the baby bird outside your door, still stares up at me from burning tarmac. ites eyes are gone but i feel its gaze and look to it every time i come here.

there is hardly anything left but the feathers it tried to grow before its life ended and its shell fell still.

most never see it, but it calls me every time i come here. even its corpse will soon fade to nothing.

what next will bring me to tears?

the smallest things make me break down, but i cant really cry anymore.

my eyes, wont stay shut. i'm staring beyond you into the rest of the swirling chaos.

i've noticed a lot of run ins between rand's objectivism and orlov's collapse preparedness philosophy.

the two main problems i see are:

an objectivist society will not work because the stupid and lazy vastly outnumber the intelligent and productive. the producers will be seen as elitist and evil and brought down, even if they built themselves up with nothing more than true grit and self sufficiency.

an orlov collapse preparedness society closely resembles communism in its purest form: a communism based on the community and barter economy, not on centralized government dictatorship and fiat currency. communes are still out there, and they seem to work fairly well as long as the number of people remains small. but with a vast population, communism simply doesnt function (at least not well enough to make people happy). if, however, you can break up a population of cyclopean proportions into small, sustainable groups, his ideas could work wonderfully.

i find that orlov's position on doing things yourself and being responsible for yourself to almost mirror rand's objectivism until we come to his idea of the gift economy, in which he states that altruism is a good thing, that when we are all indebted to one another, everyone gets richer. rand abhorred the concept of altruism, which she defined as the belief that one man's property , life, or time should be beholden to another for anything other that purely selfish reasons. to live and think this way is the purest act of evil according to rand.

these are generalizations, to be sure. rand's characterization of the wide eyed martyr and orlov's idea of an economy in which we all feel we owe each other something are extremes in a world made up of shades of grey. what i find fascinating is that that these two would vehemently disagree with each other on many topics if put to debate, yet their philosophies and solutions share so much in common.

the most disheartening thing is something i've known since i was old enough to observe the people around me: neither idea will ever get a chance to succeed on a large scale because of the inability of the human race to freely cooperate outside of clique-ish social structures and vast social inertia. good ideas fall to the side while madness, denial and suffering continue to reign, as people reach their hands to the sky and beg god for the answer that is right under their noses.

i'm glad kali yuga is here, and i'm glad i'm down here to watch.

and read
to see what i'm talking about.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

aclu moves to stop tortwig of pokeball detainees

i, i , i, i, i , i , i just dont know no more. if your're going to put out something that's addictive in so many ways, and give it away for FREE why wouldnt you expect it to sell(?) like hotcakes and adjust accordingly? why would you mandate that a freezing cold sandwich be made with continually heated sauce when you microwave the fucking thing at the end of your ridiculous process anyway?

is anyone asking these questions? apparently not.

and apparently, if there are several thousand reports of incredible service from consumers, the only emails you get regard the horrible experiences of the few.

i cant even expound upon this. you know what i'm saying. are you doing a good job? well stop that! start doing better!

fuck this shit.

there really is nothing to say anymore. i've fucking said it all. we've gone through 4 measures and we're back on the ONE james brown style. listen to some dnb and you'll hear what i mean.

just stop. stop looking at me like that and stop fucking saying those things. i dont want to hear them and you dont want to say them, although they're true just dont bring it up. go home and remember nothing dont think about the things that brought this about and stop thinking about what you could have done differently and change yourself. with all that lewt you could have made bailey's taxi rich but now you're just wondering why it all happened. the signs were everywhere.

i hope i'm not ignoring those signs.

sometimes i feel like i'm just fucked.

next week i'll change it all. yes. yes i will.

i'll get back to you on whether things are different.

fuck fuck fuck.

thank you for the affectations, and for the affection. thank you for releasing a huge cyst off of my soul, popping a massive blister. i'm a little miffed that it came with lasting scars for another and minor nuisance for me. they'll hang on, for dear life when my ship leaves.

please let my tugboat start to putter out of port. i'm ready to leave! i'm pretty sure the others on the ship have reservations about where we're going and will pussy out and stay home.

things are going to get more expensive. what the fuck am i going to do? anyone want a roomate that will be too close for comfort?


Friday, July 10, 2009

third times the last strike


from now on i'm not saying shit about getting a new job til i get my first check.

needless to say i still work for greaspit international. i first thought i would get a new job when i was offered one by volt staffing. then i got an offer from the home depot, where i had applied a while back. the problem arose when the home despot wanted me to come in for an interview during the time i'm supposed to be in school, and ahead of my interview for the tech support gig that i wanted more. i arranged the home despot interview for a time after the volt interview so i wouldnt have to accept an offer from home despot then split on it when offered one from volt. homeboy sounded pissed and my friend who works there told me to forget it. why is it that just because i cant drop everything in my life for a second interview that i am disqualified from employment? then i put in my two weeks notice at arbys after volt extends an offer of employment. during these two weeks they hem and haw and fuck me around saying that there actually may not be any schedules that work around my availability. so for two weeks i'm thinking that i dont have the job they offered me.

then during the last week a former coworker who had moved up the ranks in my current company got his position eliminated (ie laid off) and went to work for another local franchise. when he came to pick up his last check he offered me way more money that any job i have ever had to come work for him. i called him the next day to tell him that i was down. the next week, he tells me that i'll be able to start after he goes home for some funeral bullshit. that same day, volt calls me telling me they have a position open for my availability and they would like to know if i can start training the following monday. of course i've already been given another offer for more lewt so i politely decline.

i'm sure you can see where this is heading. the day before i'm supposed to go in for my orientation at the new gig, homie calls me and says that he's quitting that company because the boss is an idiot and that i should just stay where i'm at because i'm better off there.

strike one: home depot interview postponed and ultimately canceled because of scheduling and other possible offers.

strike two: volt training declined because of better job offer.

steeeeeeerike three: better job offer falls through.


i was totally unsurprised by this. i didnt even get pissed. at this point all i could do was chuckle to myself. did i play my cards wrong? should i have done something differently? well its too fucking late now.

i put my faith in this from the beginning, knowing that the only outcome would be the right one and vowing that i would be ok with it. and i am. my new (old) boss really has turned over a somewhat new leaf and is doing a great job. a lot of things about working for him are easier than working for my old boss. he doesnt come in drunk anymore and we're getting along great. there are a few kinks to be worked out but it's not all bad. i'm going to get to take my well earned vacation (hopefully) and go see my family for a week and get paid for it. i really need to focus on school and forget all of the hogwash about moving out of my current position as i'm stuck with it and, melons to melons, it aint all that bad, considering. i've got tenure there and can pretty much call my shots. i'm incredibly valuable to the company and to a certain extent can do what i want to. i'll never get another raise, but i'll be changing career paths as soon as i can get myself through school. i need to focus on what's important for the future instead of what i can do right now to get ahead in the short term. god knows if i had done that before i'd be living like a king.

they're going to raise my rent again in august. i know it. i'm supposed to be moving in with a not so close friend. i said before i'd never do the roomie thing again, but my expenses are stretched to the limit and i really need to get under the line again. the problem is that nine times out of ten, in smaller and less serious situations than MOVING IN TOGETHER this person manages to take simple plans and make them totally fall apart.

the other night she comes in towards closing time and asks if i want to go to my favorite club after work. it's some friend's birthday and they all want to go dancing. "fuck yes! i love dancing and i havent been to my favorite club in forever!" so i go home and get all dressed up and put on all my club gear and she picks me up. problem one occurs when we go to pick up someone else who doesnt really know if they want to go or not, and has one other party who is incredibly jealous of the fact that she may/may not go. eternal spans of time drag on and she finally gets in the car. keep in mind that i get off around 11 and the clubs have last call at 130. we finally leave around 1130 to go pick up someone else. after a bunch of shit she gets in the car and it's almost midnight. we get halfway to the club when i am informed of a change of plans. "oh, we're not going to the club anymore because whatshisnuts actually DOESNT LIKE TO DANCE so we're going TO THE PARK instead." to the park? THE FUCKING PARK? I GOT DRESSED UP AND MISSED MY BEDTIME TO GO TO A MOTHERFUCKING PARK? SHIT! but i am assured that there will be booze at said park so it's cool. i reluctantly agree to this. we get to the park and there is no booze save for a bottle of hot champagne. if you've never had hot champagne, just dont. its disgusting. to make things worse this has to be split between six people. this is the booze they spoke of that was supposed to make up for the fact that instead of going to the club and sweating off all my makeup i had to go to the park in 100 degree heat and sweat off all of my makeup being totally overdressed and unprepared for what was going down.

as we start through the HOT champagne, ideas get tossed around as to where to go next. everyone but me decides that it would be a great idea to hop the fence and go swimming in a closed public pool. by this time i am pretty ticked off and i need a smoke. out of six young people no one has a lighter and i have lost mine. "anybody got a light?" "i have one in my car you can go get it and bring back my smokes!" one young lady (the perpetrator of this horrible experience) exclaims. great. so i go to her car, sweating my overdressed as off. guess what? oh you know what! no lighter! in a tiny car filled with garbage, cast off clothing and empty cigarette packs, there is not even so much as a wayward match. by this time i am seething. i had planned on going to bed early as it was july 3rd and i had a big day planned for the 4th. i didnt throw all my plans in the shitter to go to a motherfucking park and go swimming in a closed fucking pool! so i go back down there, chewing on my tiny cigarette and inform all of the pansies frolicking in the water that i'm going to a bar up the street and could you please pick me up on your way out. i try not to sound/look pissed but i'm really bad at that.

i make it up the street and into a bar where i stand out like a broken piece of glass in your dick. i sit down and order a rum and coke. well what do you know some gigantic fucking drunk mexican starts breathing down my neck and saying that he was sitting there. "fine dude, it's all you. no problem." i definitely did not come here to start shit. i'll stand if i have to. i just want a drink to take the edge off of my SEETHING RAGE AT BEING DRAGGED OUT OF THE HOUSE WHEN I COULD HAVE BEEN SLEEPING TO A FALSE CLUB THAT TURNED OUT TO BE A PARK. so i find a spot at the corner of the bar to sip my drink and wait for my juvenile friends to get done skinny dipping in a closed public pool in a closed public park. next thing i know shit gets thrown down as the same motherfucker who tried to start something with me throws some other fuckface down ALMOST RIGHT ON TOP OF ME by the front door near the corner of the bar. pretty soon there is a huge melee going on and it almost bowls me over. i manage to get to safety as i hear the bartender talking about how he's worked there six years and never seen a fight. my friends pick this time to call me and tell me they are almost there. "well i might be a few minutes as THERE IS A HUGE ALTERCATION GOING ON AND THE FUCKING COPS ARE ROLLING INTO THE TINY PARKING LOT making it hard for me to get out. please bear with me."

remember how i stick out like sore nut in this place? well lets just say i look like a gothic bad omen at this point. as the bartender is explaining to the patrons that he's never seen a fight in this bar in SIX FUCKING YEARS he pointedly looks at me. yeah sorry dude. its all my fucking fault. i'm a bruja or whatever.

i finally get out of there and in the car on the way home there is nervous tension and i can tell everyone disapproves of my decision to get the fuck out of dodge and go drink (like we were supposed to) instead skinny dipping in front of a bunch of cracked out bums. well fuck you guys.

the whole point is that the chick who arranged this is the one i'm supposedly going to room with. this shit happens with her ALL THE FUCKING TIME. i have a feeling that my supposed roomate situation will fall apart the exact same way.

i hope i can find another solution.

on the upside if everything went well i would have nothing to post about. fucking christ. at least i get to go see my family and take a week off. hopefully.

jesus fuck.