Sunday, September 27, 2009

fuck blogs

i am sick of them. there is nothing new to read. the new ones i find arent worth shit. i wonder to myself, were they ever worth reading?

the irony of me posting this to my own blog is not lost at all.


Sunday, July 26, 2009

kali yuga, ma, sha ti de

i look around and see death everywhere.

as the seconds tick by i see the world growing and dying in a vast, single instant.

the baby bird outside your door, still stares up at me from burning tarmac. ites eyes are gone but i feel its gaze and look to it every time i come here.

there is hardly anything left but the feathers it tried to grow before its life ended and its shell fell still.

most never see it, but it calls me every time i come here. even its corpse will soon fade to nothing.

what next will bring me to tears?

the smallest things make me break down, but i cant really cry anymore.

my eyes, wont stay shut. i'm staring beyond you into the rest of the swirling chaos.

i've noticed a lot of run ins between rand's objectivism and orlov's collapse preparedness philosophy.

the two main problems i see are:

an objectivist society will not work because the stupid and lazy vastly outnumber the intelligent and productive. the producers will be seen as elitist and evil and brought down, even if they built themselves up with nothing more than true grit and self sufficiency.

an orlov collapse preparedness society closely resembles communism in its purest form: a communism based on the community and barter economy, not on centralized government dictatorship and fiat currency. communes are still out there, and they seem to work fairly well as long as the number of people remains small. but with a vast population, communism simply doesnt function (at least not well enough to make people happy). if, however, you can break up a population of cyclopean proportions into small, sustainable groups, his ideas could work wonderfully.

i find that orlov's position on doing things yourself and being responsible for yourself to almost mirror rand's objectivism until we come to his idea of the gift economy, in which he states that altruism is a good thing, that when we are all indebted to one another, everyone gets richer. rand abhorred the concept of altruism, which she defined as the belief that one man's property , life, or time should be beholden to another for anything other that purely selfish reasons. to live and think this way is the purest act of evil according to rand.

these are generalizations, to be sure. rand's characterization of the wide eyed martyr and orlov's idea of an economy in which we all feel we owe each other something are extremes in a world made up of shades of grey. what i find fascinating is that that these two would vehemently disagree with each other on many topics if put to debate, yet their philosophies and solutions share so much in common.

the most disheartening thing is something i've known since i was old enough to observe the people around me: neither idea will ever get a chance to succeed on a large scale because of the inability of the human race to freely cooperate outside of clique-ish social structures and vast social inertia. good ideas fall to the side while madness, denial and suffering continue to reign, as people reach their hands to the sky and beg god for the answer that is right under their noses.

i'm glad kali yuga is here, and i'm glad i'm down here to watch.

and read
to see what i'm talking about.

Sunday, July 19, 2009

aclu moves to stop tortwig of pokeball detainees

i, i , i, i, i , i , i just dont know no more. if your're going to put out something that's addictive in so many ways, and give it away for FREE why wouldnt you expect it to sell(?) like hotcakes and adjust accordingly? why would you mandate that a freezing cold sandwich be made with continually heated sauce when you microwave the fucking thing at the end of your ridiculous process anyway?

is anyone asking these questions? apparently not.

and apparently, if there are several thousand reports of incredible service from consumers, the only emails you get regard the horrible experiences of the few.

i cant even expound upon this. you know what i'm saying. are you doing a good job? well stop that! start doing better!

fuck this shit.

there really is nothing to say anymore. i've fucking said it all. we've gone through 4 measures and we're back on the ONE james brown style. listen to some dnb and you'll hear what i mean.

just stop. stop looking at me like that and stop fucking saying those things. i dont want to hear them and you dont want to say them, although they're true just dont bring it up. go home and remember nothing dont think about the things that brought this about and stop thinking about what you could have done differently and change yourself. with all that lewt you could have made bailey's taxi rich but now you're just wondering why it all happened. the signs were everywhere.

i hope i'm not ignoring those signs.

sometimes i feel like i'm just fucked.

next week i'll change it all. yes. yes i will.

i'll get back to you on whether things are different.

fuck fuck fuck.

thank you for the affectations, and for the affection. thank you for releasing a huge cyst off of my soul, popping a massive blister. i'm a little miffed that it came with lasting scars for another and minor nuisance for me. they'll hang on, for dear life when my ship leaves.

please let my tugboat start to putter out of port. i'm ready to leave! i'm pretty sure the others on the ship have reservations about where we're going and will pussy out and stay home.

things are going to get more expensive. what the fuck am i going to do? anyone want a roomate that will be too close for comfort?


Friday, July 10, 2009

third times the last strike


from now on i'm not saying shit about getting a new job til i get my first check.

needless to say i still work for greaspit international. i first thought i would get a new job when i was offered one by volt staffing. then i got an offer from the home depot, where i had applied a while back. the problem arose when the home despot wanted me to come in for an interview during the time i'm supposed to be in school, and ahead of my interview for the tech support gig that i wanted more. i arranged the home despot interview for a time after the volt interview so i wouldnt have to accept an offer from home despot then split on it when offered one from volt. homeboy sounded pissed and my friend who works there told me to forget it. why is it that just because i cant drop everything in my life for a second interview that i am disqualified from employment? then i put in my two weeks notice at arbys after volt extends an offer of employment. during these two weeks they hem and haw and fuck me around saying that there actually may not be any schedules that work around my availability. so for two weeks i'm thinking that i dont have the job they offered me.

then during the last week a former coworker who had moved up the ranks in my current company got his position eliminated (ie laid off) and went to work for another local franchise. when he came to pick up his last check he offered me way more money that any job i have ever had to come work for him. i called him the next day to tell him that i was down. the next week, he tells me that i'll be able to start after he goes home for some funeral bullshit. that same day, volt calls me telling me they have a position open for my availability and they would like to know if i can start training the following monday. of course i've already been given another offer for more lewt so i politely decline.

i'm sure you can see where this is heading. the day before i'm supposed to go in for my orientation at the new gig, homie calls me and says that he's quitting that company because the boss is an idiot and that i should just stay where i'm at because i'm better off there.

strike one: home depot interview postponed and ultimately canceled because of scheduling and other possible offers.

strike two: volt training declined because of better job offer.

steeeeeeerike three: better job offer falls through.


i was totally unsurprised by this. i didnt even get pissed. at this point all i could do was chuckle to myself. did i play my cards wrong? should i have done something differently? well its too fucking late now.

i put my faith in this from the beginning, knowing that the only outcome would be the right one and vowing that i would be ok with it. and i am. my new (old) boss really has turned over a somewhat new leaf and is doing a great job. a lot of things about working for him are easier than working for my old boss. he doesnt come in drunk anymore and we're getting along great. there are a few kinks to be worked out but it's not all bad. i'm going to get to take my well earned vacation (hopefully) and go see my family for a week and get paid for it. i really need to focus on school and forget all of the hogwash about moving out of my current position as i'm stuck with it and, melons to melons, it aint all that bad, considering. i've got tenure there and can pretty much call my shots. i'm incredibly valuable to the company and to a certain extent can do what i want to. i'll never get another raise, but i'll be changing career paths as soon as i can get myself through school. i need to focus on what's important for the future instead of what i can do right now to get ahead in the short term. god knows if i had done that before i'd be living like a king.

they're going to raise my rent again in august. i know it. i'm supposed to be moving in with a not so close friend. i said before i'd never do the roomie thing again, but my expenses are stretched to the limit and i really need to get under the line again. the problem is that nine times out of ten, in smaller and less serious situations than MOVING IN TOGETHER this person manages to take simple plans and make them totally fall apart.

the other night she comes in towards closing time and asks if i want to go to my favorite club after work. it's some friend's birthday and they all want to go dancing. "fuck yes! i love dancing and i havent been to my favorite club in forever!" so i go home and get all dressed up and put on all my club gear and she picks me up. problem one occurs when we go to pick up someone else who doesnt really know if they want to go or not, and has one other party who is incredibly jealous of the fact that she may/may not go. eternal spans of time drag on and she finally gets in the car. keep in mind that i get off around 11 and the clubs have last call at 130. we finally leave around 1130 to go pick up someone else. after a bunch of shit she gets in the car and it's almost midnight. we get halfway to the club when i am informed of a change of plans. "oh, we're not going to the club anymore because whatshisnuts actually DOESNT LIKE TO DANCE so we're going TO THE PARK instead." to the park? THE FUCKING PARK? I GOT DRESSED UP AND MISSED MY BEDTIME TO GO TO A MOTHERFUCKING PARK? SHIT! but i am assured that there will be booze at said park so it's cool. i reluctantly agree to this. we get to the park and there is no booze save for a bottle of hot champagne. if you've never had hot champagne, just dont. its disgusting. to make things worse this has to be split between six people. this is the booze they spoke of that was supposed to make up for the fact that instead of going to the club and sweating off all my makeup i had to go to the park in 100 degree heat and sweat off all of my makeup being totally overdressed and unprepared for what was going down.

as we start through the HOT champagne, ideas get tossed around as to where to go next. everyone but me decides that it would be a great idea to hop the fence and go swimming in a closed public pool. by this time i am pretty ticked off and i need a smoke. out of six young people no one has a lighter and i have lost mine. "anybody got a light?" "i have one in my car you can go get it and bring back my smokes!" one young lady (the perpetrator of this horrible experience) exclaims. great. so i go to her car, sweating my overdressed as off. guess what? oh you know what! no lighter! in a tiny car filled with garbage, cast off clothing and empty cigarette packs, there is not even so much as a wayward match. by this time i am seething. i had planned on going to bed early as it was july 3rd and i had a big day planned for the 4th. i didnt throw all my plans in the shitter to go to a motherfucking park and go swimming in a closed fucking pool! so i go back down there, chewing on my tiny cigarette and inform all of the pansies frolicking in the water that i'm going to a bar up the street and could you please pick me up on your way out. i try not to sound/look pissed but i'm really bad at that.

i make it up the street and into a bar where i stand out like a broken piece of glass in your dick. i sit down and order a rum and coke. well what do you know some gigantic fucking drunk mexican starts breathing down my neck and saying that he was sitting there. "fine dude, it's all you. no problem." i definitely did not come here to start shit. i'll stand if i have to. i just want a drink to take the edge off of my SEETHING RAGE AT BEING DRAGGED OUT OF THE HOUSE WHEN I COULD HAVE BEEN SLEEPING TO A FALSE CLUB THAT TURNED OUT TO BE A PARK. so i find a spot at the corner of the bar to sip my drink and wait for my juvenile friends to get done skinny dipping in a closed public pool in a closed public park. next thing i know shit gets thrown down as the same motherfucker who tried to start something with me throws some other fuckface down ALMOST RIGHT ON TOP OF ME by the front door near the corner of the bar. pretty soon there is a huge melee going on and it almost bowls me over. i manage to get to safety as i hear the bartender talking about how he's worked there six years and never seen a fight. my friends pick this time to call me and tell me they are almost there. "well i might be a few minutes as THERE IS A HUGE ALTERCATION GOING ON AND THE FUCKING COPS ARE ROLLING INTO THE TINY PARKING LOT making it hard for me to get out. please bear with me."

remember how i stick out like sore nut in this place? well lets just say i look like a gothic bad omen at this point. as the bartender is explaining to the patrons that he's never seen a fight in this bar in SIX FUCKING YEARS he pointedly looks at me. yeah sorry dude. its all my fucking fault. i'm a bruja or whatever.

i finally get out of there and in the car on the way home there is nervous tension and i can tell everyone disapproves of my decision to get the fuck out of dodge and go drink (like we were supposed to) instead skinny dipping in front of a bunch of cracked out bums. well fuck you guys.

the whole point is that the chick who arranged this is the one i'm supposedly going to room with. this shit happens with her ALL THE FUCKING TIME. i have a feeling that my supposed roomate situation will fall apart the exact same way.

i hope i can find another solution.

on the upside if everything went well i would have nothing to post about. fucking christ. at least i get to go see my family and take a week off. hopefully.

jesus fuck.


Thursday, June 25, 2009

minor fling

can someone please tell me why in american shonen jump, lord fukasaku talks like mickey, rocky balboas coach?

surprisingly there are no easy to find videos of him so if you dont know what i'm talking about you'll just have to imagine.

"get up, naruto! ya cant let em beat ya like that!"

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

mother of mary, million dollar lunatics

man oh man but the specials bring out the freaks.

unsweet tea lady (have i written about her?) shows up typically close to closing time and orders the 545 while bitching about the toilet rocking back and forth (yes its coming off the floor but your 3 foot wide ass doesnt help), asking for her sandwiches "one at a time" and spreading out 6 months worth of junk mail to sort through and hanging out until i cut off the lights. then when i help her get her shit out to her car cuz i'm nice (and i really want to go home) she goes on a rant about our full trashcans, infestation, and bulldyke haircuts. then she "left her lights on" so i had to pull around and make sure her car started. thank god it did cuz i dont have cables anyway!

she also asked us to take her remaining beef chunks out of the bag so they could "cool down" (they are lukewarm to begin with!) so that she can freeze them when she gets home. talk about a nasty future snack.

tonite a guy pulls in, presumably somewhat hammered, and makes a big deal about ordering something that wont take long to make so that he doesnt "make the cook mad" cuz he knows we are about to close (thx for the respex), yet even after much prodding and suggestions winds up ordering standard fare and takes a full ten minutes just to order and then holds up the line trying to pick up the lady working drive thru. this guy made us laugh our asses off after a very rough night. thx hammered guy!

after him is another drunk that asks who he's speaking with (who asks this in drive thru?) so that he knows who to call when he's ready. lots of people listening man, just holla. we are all electronically connected to these sweaty ass headsets. orders finally and tried to pick up said drive thru young lady right after wierd "piss off the cook" (we have a cook?) guy has given her his card and said to call him for a good time.

numerous other freaks have shown up but i cant remember them now for some reason. it's been rough. we also have new hire pains going on right now as we finally start to get busy again because of the lauded 545 special. of course the minute i schedule someone to train on a "slow" shift, that shift becomes a clusterfuck of the most confusing and retarded customers. so my trainee learned basically nothing tonite. plus he came in late, unshaven, AND stoned! fuck man where do i find these ppl.

the shake machine breaks, and surprisingly only 3 ppl tried to order shakes. usually when you are out of something or required equipment isnt working, everyone wants what you cant make. this one lady comes in and orders fruit tea with no ice (disgusting syrupy madness) and surprisingly likes it. another couple orders pepsi and dr pepper only to complain that they are overcarbonated. overcarbonated? seriously! who writes this shit! chick substitutes a lemonade and homey tries the sobe energy drink. "what flavor is it?" "um dude it just says sobe energy. it's yellow. that tell you anything?" and finally settles on an "overcarbonated" pepsi instead. at least they were really nice about it and had a good laugh with me. god knows i need it.

meanwhile after giving two weeks notice at my hated job, my new (hopeufully) job is giving me the runaround on training and work schedules. there is a conflict between my school schedule and training, or the full time schedule, or whatever.

for fucks sake people! part time is fine! just get me in there and we'll figure it out! my god stop screwing me around and let me do a damn fine job for you! and please dont make me have to slink back to my current employer and say "actually it didnt work out. i am your slave for another indefinite period of time." i really dont want to do that. and to top it all off? today i get a jury duty summons! fuck you, voter registration! i didnt sign up to sit on a jury! i just wanted to vote for ron paul! and i did and i knew he wouldnt win. i'm just principled like that. but the kicker is that this jury duty starts right when my training class is supposed to! so here is the state trying to fucking hold me down for god knows what minor case in the middle of me trying to turn the pages of my goddamn life! you know, i love courtroom dramas. i used to watch the practice and ally mcbeal and one of my favorite shows is harvey birdman, attorney at law, and my favorite ds game is phoenix wright ace attorney! so i would seriously love to go to jury duty. just NOT RIGHT NOW FOR GOD'S SAKE!

i will break down these goddamn barriers and i will prevail. nothing can stop me. i mean that with everything that i am. keep throwing it at me and i will shovel your shit out of my way!


in other news i used my mechanical skills to install two license plate lamp assemblies on my POS van. there is absolutely no information on this on the internet, and even my dad couldnt tell me how to do it. but god damn i pulled it off. i had to do this to pass my inspection. so i go to the inspection station and guess what? i got turned away because they had RUN OUT OF STICKERS! FUCK YOU BUREAUCRACY + SATELLITE COMPANIES THAT ALLOW ME TO COMPLY WITH THE LAW! wasting all my fucking time.

how do you run out of stickers?


Monday, June 22, 2009

miracles of moderate motion

\request new chapter;
\information restricted. enter password:*******
\access granted. enjoy the next chapter of your life

it's coming. new things are happening. the same things, but different. i have acquired a new job. it does not involve the slightest bit of grease and actually takes advantage of my intelligence, techknowledge, teaching ability and people skills. i will soon be working as a tier one tech support rep subcontracted to at&t through several other companies. i would like to take a moment to say


of course, there are a few things that could go wrong. but i know they wont. i wont let that happen.


huh. i usually have a lot more to say. maybe i'm not drunk enough yet.

several peoples chapters are ending, new ones beginning. i guess its some sort of late spring for peoples lives. my brother is finally trying to get a job, my old boss finally got promoted out of the store after 20 years in the company. my neighbor and good friend finally got her own car. things are shaking up for more people that i dont even know, i'm sure.

i write this as the final few pages of the arby's chapter of my existence. i've got about two weeks left until i start training for my new job. i'll probably linger on there for a shift or two to help out in my spare time (what spare time?) until they get their shit together after my absence. then i can close the book on that filthy, confused, disgusting hole of a restaurant for good.

the 5 for 5 is back for the last two weeks of my employment there. yes, in a desperate hail mary attempt to get people to remember arby's when they get a craving for grease, arbys restaurant group has brought back the only thing it is famous for, the loftily catchy 5 fer 5! whoo hoo gimme 50 of the motherfuckers! i dont even care whats on em! uhh what is on em anyway? i dont want no cheese er nuthin. and gimme plenty uh that sauce! what's it called, uh, ponys, uh, larvaes, uh yeah thats it that thur arbys and horsey sauce! 500 of em!

this ought to be a fucking blast. this special will run for two weeks, and we will see a massive outpouring of roast beef lovers come to get their greasy mystery meat fix. the problem is, the 545 never gets out of peoples heads. if you said "five fer five" somewhere in a tribal region of papua new guinea, the savages would all immediately crave bargain basement priced beef and begin a tribe-wide nomadic movement, following the stars to the nearest arbys. its that ingrained in the collective consciousness of humanity.

the problem with this, as i have said before, is that once the special is over, people never get over it. they either ask for it by name every time they come to the store, cringing and becoming incensed when they are told that it's more like five for seven, PLUS TAX, or they just order a bunch of shit and then when they get their total they just look at you like you're cheating them and exclaim "but i thought it was FIVE BUCKS!"

the special ends and these people trickle in for another week or so, mostly driving away when there are no more bargains of biblical proportion, maybe sticking around for a roastburger, and then heading back off to wendy's or mcdonalds where they were going before the promo started; thus defeating arbys' attempt to drive more permanent traffic to its locations. another kicker is the way they have been shuffling the menu around lately. we have something like 10,000+ sandwiches that we can make, that all look and sound exactly the same, containing ingredients that vary only slightly from food item to food item, yet varying enough to create huge amounts of obsolete inventory when recipes are changed and new products are added or revised. we recently stepped up to a 21 combo menu, listing most of the stuff we have as combos and almost pushing everything off the edges of the menu boards. our biggest thing is, of course, the roast beef sandwiches. next up are the market fresh sandwiches and then the subs. oh god, the subs.

basically, last year i think, arbys decided to bring back subs. some places have always kept them, but some regions (mine included) got rid of them for god knows what devil inspired reason, prompting people to constantly ask "didnt y'all have that uh french toast dipper er whatever?"

yes, yes, yes. we used to.

but then suddenly we did again, miracle of miracles. only this time the french dip was served up along with 3 other excitingly bland subs which all required their own special ingredients and preparation techniques. the really baffling thing to me was that instead of bringing the subs back on a soft, inviting white roll like they used to be served on, we apparently needed to spice it up to the tune of probably several hundred thousand dollars by ordering special unitasking toasters which are designed to toast the terror of fast food craving mouths everywhere, the loved by focus groups but hated by actual customers and crews, the granite-like, concrete-esque ciabatta roll.

so now that we have these blazing hot toasters, which upon firing up raise the temperature in the entire restaurant by about 5 degrees (sadly i am not exaggerating. they are like mini pizza ovens), and have changed the original recipes of the subs to exclude most of the extra ingredients which made them different in the first place, lo and behold, arby's is asking each franchisee to decide which two subs they would eliminate from the menu! considering the fact that people pretty much only order the french dip unless there is some freaky moon cycle going on and everyone and their stepmom orders an italian, you could eliminate all subs but the french dip and no one would notice! i can imagine the motherfuckers in the arbys test labs silently flagellating themselves in front of some roast beef altar, begging forgiveness for their grave mistake of creating monstrosities of sandwiches that failed to enamor the populace enough to justify the HUGE cost of putting a hellfire powered toaster in every arbys across the FUCKING WORLD only to realize that they should have stuck with what worked and just brought back the french dip on a bun that can be toasted in a standard manner and does not break the teeth of all but the mightiest herbivores.

to top all of this off (you shouldnt be surprised that there's more), arbys is considering doing away with its moderately successful (much more so than subs or chicken, i will admit) market fresh line. there is a big hubbub going down about this because not only are these the most popular items next to the "classic" roast beef, but most arbys franchisees across the country have just invested a not insubstantial amount of money on another desperate "hail mary", the MARKET FRESH catering program. i emphasize that because many of these stores have drafted up catering menus (i proofread the one for our franchise) based solely on the market fresh line, i suppose because it is the most portable. so now that we have invested all this money and time into a fairly popular line of sandwiches and a somewhat unconventional means of getting them out the door for a price, arbys is thinking about

okay i'm going to let you take a guess, who wants to be a millionaire style:

REGIS: is the answer: A)genghis khan, B)genghis khan, C)genghis khan, or D)genghis khan.

YOU: it's definitely C, genghis khan.

REGIS: final answer?

YOU: um i dont know should i use a lifeline oh what the hell how can i honestly get this one wrong YES FINAL ANSWER GENGHIS FUCKING KHAN

REGIS: oooooooooooohhh i'm so sorry but the answer was D, genghis khan.


yes! they are thinking about getting rid of the market fresh line altogether, or at the very least, dropping two of the most popular sandwiches we sell, the turkey ranch and bacon and the chicken salad sandwich.

leave it to fucking arbys to shoot themselves in the foot trying to take out the competition. i can understand that you want to get an edge, but come on! all you've been doing is taking the focus off of what you do well, wasting money on unnecessary product and equipment, and discounting while talking about bringing in everyday affordability while simultaneously raising your prices! who the hell is coming up with this shit? this reminds me of what starbucks is doing: start out selling something. figure out that people like it, begin raising prices while adding value. ride high on the hog for a few years then

FUCKING PANIC BECAUSE NOW EVERYONE HAS FIGURED OUT THEY HAVE BEEN BROKE ALL ALONG AND GAS IS SEVEN INFANTS PER GALLON PLUS TAX and they cant fucking afford to drink your goddamn overpriced coffee (or eat your "beef") all fucking week. begin scrambling with "bold" new products, procedures, policies, and advertising designed to bring in new customers while making the current ones come back for more, more often.


you get the picture. this is what companies look like when they are desperate. here's a tip: do what you did to become successful, continue doing it well, get rid of the frills, charge a low price and make sure your crews are giving great service. million dollar equation right there. hey, why dont i run this joint?

but what the fuck do i know about arbys? i just work at one.

thanks to gekkeikan sake for lubricating my tongue a bit.

Monday, May 25, 2009

scandal mongers, sequins and slush

never before have i been baffled in bosworth. i still havent! lightning strikes deadly as thunders rolls on, i hear the buzz of new music, free and without pretense, from parts of the world i can only hope i will one day see. a long road lies ahead, yet the end is in sight. when it's over, it's like i didnt walk it at all. when it's over, i dont remember anything. i miss being home, though i dont remember it. i cherish memories i cant access. a fount of numbness is always at hand, to slake the thirst for something to feel. can we get this over with? i want to move to the next level. i want to move. i want lots of motion.

i want to go faster. time should speed up, and as it is relative, there should be a way to overclock it. ha HA!

are we finished here?