Friday, June 13, 2008

an arby's sauce enema

must be pretty fucking invigorating, considering the fact that every third customer out of the 125+ that i have served tonight has asked for one or more of the following:

1.) "lots of arby's sauce"
2.) "lots and lots of arby's sauce"
3.) "a whole bunch of arby's sauce"
4.) "a lot, like two big handfuls"
5.) "plenty, like three big handfuls"
6.) "please come outside and help me assemble this simple pump and insert this tube into my ass so that i can begin the enema right here and now"

all of this with various grimaces, smiles, and posturing to show how serious they are about a sauce which is basically nothing more than tomato paste, vinegar, "spices" (actual quote from the packet) and enough preservatives to keep madonna looking young for the next thousand years.

seriously, folks. what are you doing with all of this sauce? is it becoming increasingly rare? is it some sort of black market currency or commodity? are you drinking it on the rocks? bathing in it? WHAT POSSIBLE REASON COULD YOU HAVE FOR DEMANDING 10+ PACKETS OF SAUCE PER 3 oz SANDWICH?

that is 5 ounces of sauce, which is 2 ounces more than your sandwich weighs. you are somehow consuming more sauce than sandwich, which is probably still illegal in alabama. even after putting in as much or more as i can, you honk the horn and demand more.

now, its usually not this bad. the reason for all of this madness? we only have 1/2 a case of this vile condiment to last the entire weekend.

when it rains, it pours.


Food Service Ninja said...

the moroons are using it on everything they eat including McD burgers which is the other half of their diet silly

UmbrellaDown said...

this is by far the most hilarious thing I've read all day and had me almost spit out my coffee while reading it.

Just thought I'd let you know. It's great comedy material.

Also, I think the sandwiches there taste horrible and salty without the sauce, so it's only natural for customers to bathe their sandwiches in it... and hopefully not other things.

You should see how I feel about customers asking me about if I have cupons with me "hidden" behind my desk at macys. ;) No, they only come in the mail, the mail, the mail.

I don't know how you do it, but hats off to ya.