computer. among other things. i forgot just how much i love posting shit to this blog that no one reads but me. i just read back through the last couple of posts and it was like whoa. since all that constipation i've been the target several times, revisited secret addictions, kicked the habit, spent too much money on nothing and then learned to save it, struggled to afford to eat and gone close to broke because of my love for sushi. i've fallen into some pretty deep pits of self loathing and come out a new person. i'm closer to being who i truly am instead of a product of my environment. my job still sucks but i get paid enough that it almost makes up for it and i get a vacation soon. i get away with just about anything here and my boss still loves me. and sometimes i get to just sit back here and let everyone else work.
i still fuck up from time to time, i still have the capacity to do some incredibly stupid things when i'm drunk, and i still live with a somewhat constant state of nagging fear. but overall, in just 2 short years, my entire life and way of living have changed for the better.
i just hope i can be saved from my own mistakes, that i havent already made too many, that they are not lying in wait to come and ruin things once i achieve perfection.
time will tell...