Saturday, May 10, 2008

i really need a

computer. among other things. i forgot just how much i love posting shit to this blog that no one reads but me. i just read back through the last couple of posts and it was like whoa. since all that constipation i've been the target several times, revisited secret addictions, kicked the habit, spent too much money on nothing and then learned to save it, struggled to afford to eat and gone close to broke because of my love for sushi. i've fallen into some pretty deep pits of self loathing and come out a new person. i'm closer to being who i truly am instead of a product of my environment. my job still sucks but i get paid enough that it almost makes up for it and i get a vacation soon. i get away with just about anything here and my boss still loves me. and sometimes i get to just sit back here and let everyone else work.

i still fuck up from time to time, i still have the capacity to do some incredibly stupid things when i'm drunk, and i still live with a somewhat constant state of nagging fear. but overall, in just 2 short years, my entire life and way of living have changed for the better.

i just hope i can be saved from my own mistakes, that i havent already made too many, that they are not lying in wait to come and ruin things once i achieve perfection.

time will tell...

sz.sw.out

being gay stinks sometimes

it seriously has its own peculiar smell. men dont smell very good. and then you get those guys that want to do it and then act like it never happened. its wierd. i could probably write a whole shitload on this... but i cant right now.

life is getting very strange. it has always been strange, but sometimes its downright frightening.

but i always feel frightened when i'm this hung over. i'll be okay in a few days. like pickles from the oblongs once said "i'm sorry, i'm on the second day of my three day hangover."

i think this one may last 4...

sz.sw.out

Thursday, May 08, 2008

the terra firma is dulce liquido

do you know how long it took me to write this and then find out that i wouldnt fit in a comment? sheesh. here ya go:

your profile doesnt make any sense. it is a departure from the norm of myspace and i feel like i am being left behind by a new, befuddling comment technology which i do not understand.

before i get started, i would like to alert you to the silliness of posting your innermost thoughts in comments instead of emails. if you email someone, only you, that person, and whoever else has your password or a subpoena can read that text. a comment, however, can be viewed by anyone at any time, and i dont think you would want mom or dad to see your innermost thoughts because, well, i know you just dont. keep that in mind. the cops read myspace, too.

anyway. i would have taken my own advice and msgd you but you seem to have it disabled on your page. whateher. you should definitely start saving. i just emailed dad and asked him what he thought about you coming here, so we'll see what happens with that. it would help your cause to be more forthcoming with them about the subject. tell them you want to see the museums, the gigantic pair of boots in front of the mall, the riverwalk, the touristy educational stuff, etc. tell them you miss me and you want to see what it's like here (its fucking HOT).

i dont understand you not wanting mom and dad to know what you do, because unlike what i used to do, i think a great deal of your life wouldnt upset them. in fact, they might be happy to hear you are doing so well in so many ways, instead of seeing you for what you present, which is a wall of silence. unfortunately our parents never learned to communicate effectively with family members. look at dad's family, and worse, mom's family. they have no idea how to talk to each other, let alone confusing young'ns. mom's family got their points across by fighting, and dad's family was all quite withdrawn. however, they gave you and i one thing their parents refused them: freedom. more freedom than most kids get even after they move out. so at least be grateful for that, and make an effort, for their sake, to get to know them so they can know you. there's only so much you can do, but a little's better than nothing.

you feel alienated and out of place because you are out of place. salisbury is a bleak and unmoving place, where the only change that ever occurs is a new shopping center being built somewhere. you need to, and will, leave there. i am incredibly relieved and surprised to know that you arent doing what i did when i was growing up there (get throwed on the daily).

society is awful. it always will be. however, if you arent comfortable with the standard lifestyle, you have a choice. however, any amount of success in doing anything requires some effort. you dont have to go to school 8-3. when and if you graduate you dont have to work 9-5, if you set your sights higher than salisbury. what do you want to do? figure it out, and find out where and when you

omfg this shouldnt be this hard! fucking IT pppl at sac just truncated over half my msg by limiting the amt of space on the clipboard. it wasnt myspace after all. shit...

continued:

can do it, and then do it.

well shit. i had this whole fucking half page of soapbox shit that i wrote that sounded all great, but whatever. the point is, you should come see me, you will have a great time, you need to talk to dad and mom about it, get them to call me about it, save your money for it, look forward to it and make it happen. salisbury sucks. always has, always will. you need to move and you will when you're ready.

let me know whats up, msg me or call me. and for kicks go watch this vid. i love this guy and i just got this album

"mask" by soman

i love you. call me. i miss you. i need your touch... oh, wait. wrong line

i need a drink. finals are over and i'm going to get throwed

sz.sw.out