Wednesday, July 26, 2006

wierd wild and blonde

i saw crazy girl at island way. i gleaned from the conversations that she is a teacher. well whatever. but holy god when she's wasted she's like a fucking demon spawn.


i had to concentrate on not answering her, or even looking over at her. she was sitting right next to me, and i knew that if i engaged her in any way i would fall into the trap and she would continue to harass me.


well, if that's you're opinion (SIC from 2016 omg how did i let that slip, it's YOUR, jesus fucking christ), then fine. i'm not going to argue. luckily she's a regular and six people at the bar kept talking to her and keeping her attention away from me. i'll never forget this one time, i was there talking to some guy about california, and she runs up to him (neither of us know her) grabs his shoulder and screams


and when she went away our conversation resumed. he said, "hey, do me a favor."

no dude, i am not loaning you seven dollars.


i swear she really talks like that. every word she says. what a crazy bitch.

buttery goodness

a few things i needed to put down so i can ease my mind, not ferget, and get to work:

i need to find out which combination of the words "transvestite pirate vampire prostitute" rolls off the tounge with the most style and ease

for some reason, many things i have touched today have a greasy film of something that could possibly be butter

vending machine food always seems like a good idea until you are finished eating it

i know there was more, but i didnt get here in time and fergot. more later tonite.

Monday, July 24, 2006

lets give em somethin ta blog about

how about people you meet at the bar, the baa-aar aaaarrrr

you had to be there. obviously your werent, for i was alone. alone but for the people i was listening to next to me at the bar, alone but for the girl who waitresses there now, and alone but for the girl i knew from a coffeeshop long deceased, who told me she got arrested for possession. shitty!

oh, what a grand few minutes it was. since my drivers side window is busted out, i could only stay for a few minutes. so i ordered a lickin toad (which i now know consists of red bull, vodka, and some blue liquer, probably curacao), a jager bomb, and a vodka tonic. i killed all 3 in ten minutes so i could get back outside before someone jacked the face off my cd player. its amazing how no matter what bar i go to, there are always some people i know. if not that, then there is always the person who wants to get to know me, which i dont care for at all, unless you fit a specific description with details too numerous to list here. the only reason i wound up at this particular bar is because my usual dive closed up shop. a while back the owners got busted because they were running all kinds of colors out that bitch, white and brown being the most prominent. once they got busted, the clientele moved on, leaving only a few die hard regulars to keep it afloat. well, that didnt last too long. when i drove by tonite, it was dark as a poonem's puh. i think they have done gone and closed up shop for good. well, without the extra drug income to launder, i guess they just didnt have enough to keep it open. it sucks because there is no other dive bar near my house, and the closest bar beyond that is not a dive at all, in fact its quite nice, and the drinks are a bit more expensive.


so i saw the chick i used to hang with, who the last two times i saw her was with some insanely jealous boyfriend (a different one each time) so we couldnt talk. i keep meaning to ask her if her taste in insanely jealous men has died away. then i saw the girl from the coffee shop, who i would never in a hundred years (after that, probably) have thought would get caught up in the drug scene and get nabbed for possession. but, such is life in a small town. the girl next door is also the girl with the oppressive coke habit.

now we begin another week, monday, the day to end all days, draws to a close and finds me trying to catch a buzz as usual.

what is that infernal beeping sound?

and with no one to talk to, i must turn to thee, ole blog. ye wonder of the internets. giving me a space to write, when i neher considered myself a writer, giving me a chance to publish my "work", so that other people might see. glory of chite, it is. you know, budweiser is so god damn watery. whereas i may drink six grolsch, heini or pilsner urquell on a weeknight, i swear i need like ten of these things to feel sufficiently buzzworthy. and as far as domestic beer, it only gets worse from there.

i'm leaving here soon, and i have only told the most cursory of people. i told the lady at the credit union when i inquired as to how much of a bitch it is to close an account, i told the waitress at the bar, i think i have told like one other person. but i havent said shit to the people it might mean something to. my family, mostly. but really, what the hell does it matter. i neher see them anyway, what with our schedules being completely opposite. i keep envisioning the day when my mom calls me to tell me her mother has passed, and i will have to pretend to care, although i dont know how to do so, and i will have to try and act like my mother and i are close, although we are the furthest thing from it. it is a sad thing when your family knows you about as well as any other acquaintance, and you have lived together for years.

but its something you just have to face. when you arent on this earth to tend to a family, it doesnt seem important. i've neher been close, and i dont intend to try. a few generations from now our physical remains may be dug up by some archaeologist, if they deny me my wish to be cremated. then we are nothing more than bones, and the conjecture surrounding us and the items in our graves. when this is over we will not want for one another. i know that i am here for several reasons, and raising/taking care of family is not on the list. i have always been nomadic, solitary and lately those feelings just get stronger and stronger. we all come from somewhere, from someone, but does anyone really care from where, or from who? does it matter, beyond the grave? to some people, i'm sure it does. heritage and lineage, and the empathy of family bring strong feelings for some. but i feel like a spiritual nomad, my soul is more compared to the body i inhabit and the people who spawned me. as much as i care for them, i can not place too much stock in the idea of a family and it's established connections. i do not intend to carry on our genes, there is no way i will eher settle down, there is nothing for me in the zombified comfort of a permanent relationship with its trappings of guaranteed sex and emotional comfort, along with a sense of economic and emotional stability. if i dont die early, i will die as that wierd old man with no family or friends, one who came from somewhere, but who knows where that is. i will pass on leaving behind me a body of work that will be noticed by few, but cherished forever in my soul, knowing that i created something more than another generation, another family to mourn one's loss, one more child to grow, live, and learn.

is there really anything else? some would have you think that there isnt.

what the hell does it matter anyway.

go read my links, bitch!

i still cant figure out what the hell is beeping...

Thursday, July 20, 2006

no more scientists

oh, but does anyone really care? about anything, really. here and there, yes, i'm sure, but i mean come on.

so how much of a bitch is moving, man? i mean really. i have to tell my folks, give notice at my job, make sure i have enough saved, roll over my 401k into a roth ira or whatever it is that you do, hope that my jalopy makes it all the way there, and a whole host of other things. meanwhile you are dealing with apprehension, because you are still in your comfortable surroundings, and you are thinking, "well, if i dont make it out by such and such a date, it will be fine because i can just leave the next month" and shit like that. one problem:

i have been thinking that for the past 5 years!

if i continue to allow myself to be placated and lulled into complacency by the wiles of this horrendous place, i will wake up soon to my 50th birthday and realize i have not moved an inch! it is not possible for one such as myself to stay in one place like this and be in the least bit happy. i have to just throw down and leave, no matter what the consequences, no matter what i might overlook, no matter what i will realize i have forgotten to do, for once i get there, i'm there man! i am not at the place i once was. sure, this will open up new problems and challenges, but they will be NEW problems and challenges! i cannot abide by this place any longer. come september, i will be posting from good ole' san antonio. this i can assure you.

perhaps then my posts will be interesting to more than 1.5 people.


bitches and hoes, you broke her nose

the highlight of my day was when daily hater (hateonastick) built in a clause in his hate for men with long fingernails to exclude trannies from said hate. why does this make me so happy? because i live in a tiny town right now and the little things are all i have. hell, all i do for fun nowadays is read blogs and flame people anonymously on the internet. and play warhammer quest. and drink. like a fish. i was quite happy to become a part of the daily hater community. i read it ehery day, so why not participate? i waited for some hate that struck a nerve and then i laid it out. and the king of all haters felt my pain and put a clause in the hate for good men with pretty nails. world of wonders, this is.

i've been reading israeli blogs to get a feel for whats up in the east. i havent gone over to the lebanese blogs yet, but i'm getting there. i managed to start a low grade flamewar with an anonymous commenter on the israeli blog i was checking out. it was quite obvious from his poor grammar and spelling and oddly shallow yet aggressive mindset that he was american. the real giveaway was how he kept quoting michael savage. it was funny to me, because he was talking about the enemy within on an israeli blog, with people who have probably never heard of savage, let alone the enemy within thing. it's a whole book, for peter's sake. this anonymous ameriki was ranting about how in a time of war, if people were protesting against the war, we would (read: should) arrest them for treason. most of the israeli and lebanese commenters pointed out that americans are always too ready to denounce that which our country was founded on. (free speech, for one)

as usual, the answer lies somewhere in the middle. yes, in a time of war (what time isnt a time of war these days, for any people of earth?) we must be vigilant and watch for treasonous and seditious enemies of our states, within our own borders, and protect ourselves. but consider the fact that now, although we are not at war with any specific country, not officially, for what its worth, we have leftist senators and congressman rooting for al qaida and hizballah simply because if the terrorists gain ground, so will bush lose ground, along with his party. no thoughts for the innocents that might die on the road to re-election. consider also the case of the new york times and its lewd and perverse relationship with the CIA, enabling them to come across valuable national security information and then publish it for the american people and those who wish to destroy our way of life to see. these are all people and organizations running free within our "democracy", and i have seen no charges brought against them. at the same time as the left tries to destroy our country under the false flag of diversity and "the common man", the right in this country is busy inviting anyone south of the border to come on in and live off of our taxpayers. nevermind the millions of people waiting impatiently in line to come to our fine country, if you are from mejico, you get a free pass to the front of the line! free tacos, and free healthcare. all you have to do is trudge your sweaty, downtrodden ass across the border. dont worry, there is no fence. just welcoming border patrol agents, and goodwill emissaries with bottles of water.

i raised the point with this fellow, that if we should prosecute simple, peaceful, (although perhaps ignorant and sometimes violent) demonstrators, then why should we not try those at the highest levels of government, and those who sit in their ivory towers of the media establishment, for their treasonous actions? for one, our system has no recourse through which the people can bring down the fools who claim to represent them and shame them in the streets. once in office, you can believe that they will stay in office. for a good, long time. representative republic, my ass!

there is no simple answer. on one hand, anyone should be able to say what they want. at any time. (however this is not the case, for many people. have you ever seen a NAMBLA rally in your downtown area? only in san fran, man.) news outlets should be able to report the news. but at what point does your speech or your news report become treason? it is a tough question. at the same time, our government is so cowardly that they are not willing to ask this question, lest they lose their precious special interest campaign contributions from this or that country club arsehole. blatantly seditious and treasonous acts have been going on publicly since day one of the war on terror. since then our troops have been castrated, our military might has been muzzled, and most have been made to think of america as one big pornstar cowboy with breast implants and a movie deal giving the finger and kicking a homeless black man in the face.

luckily, the "most", that is, the people who believe that garbage, are by and large ignorant and silly fools. unluckily, many of these people reside within our borders. and it is much easier to brainwash the stupid than those who will question your ideology.

enough! next post deals with something else. i could go on all nite about this shit and still want to hurt someone in the morning. it all comes out here, because the people i meet are too stupid to understand....

you want to know what they say? every person in this town who i have overheard talking about any international conflict? one of two things:

bomb em. kill em all and forget about it.
get our boys out of there. leave them alone and they'll leave us alone. i hate bush.

yeah, real smart guys. nice options that you've laid out for yourselves. my faith in the general populous has been restored.

idiots. sheep, all of you.

feeling emotional? why not blog?

why, indeed. i'll start by apologizing to my readership for the sappiness of the last post. why apologize to your "readership" if i am the only person who reads this blog, you ask? well, i'll tell you why. because i talk to myself more than anyone else and if anyone deserves an apology for the poor writing i have to read its me. i'll tell you why not blog while feeling emotional. see the next post! (above, not below, because i'm feelin like a puh and its time to do some drunken ranting)