Wednesday, June 14, 2006

mad breaks

most of my friends are hippies. not really stereotypical hippies, but they like the beatles and tie dye and the grateful dead. they enjoy discussing the intricacies of beatles songs and tend to smoke a lot of dope. personally, i listen to techno and drink a lot of booze. oddly enough, i have known my friends long enough and we have just enough in common that we can still manage to hang out even with all of our lifestyle discrepancies. their taste in music is generally horrible, so i am subjected to a lot of hippie shit when we chill/party. however, once the atmosphere is loosened and lubricated by mind altering substances, i can play a little game i like to call:

MAKE HIPPIES LISTEN TO TECHNO.

its mad fun. once everybody gets to a certain point i can generally sneak up to the music box and infiltrate one of my cds into the mix. then i see how long it plays before the hippies notice and try to deny my 1st amendment right to play techno because they dont like it. (is that really covered under the 1st amendment? well it is now, damn it.) usually this doesnt last for even a third of the song, because hippie ears are very sensitive to the harsh shit that i listen to. but i will do it again and again throughout the night, without fail, until the party is over. somehow it never gets old. plus i get a short break from all the god damn beatles songs. what the hell is the deal with the beatles anyway? sure, they are one of the most influential bands of all time, and their innovation helped shape modern music, blah blah blah. i wont say they werent talented, because they were. they had what it takes to be a good band. but notice the past tense. had. i'm not saying that just because a band is old that they automatically suck, but come on. the shit is oldies, man. most people hear the beatles and think, "wow, this is a great song." doesnt matter which one, they are all great in a beatles fan's mind. but most of that shit just sounds fucking ear shatteringly putrid to me. most of the lyrics are completely trite, vacuous prose, and many of the melodies are ear piercingly shrill. not to mention lennon/mcartney's voice. yikes, man.

but that's just me, honestly. i am probably the only person on this god forsaken planet that will actually admit that i dont like the beatles. "what? you dont like the beatles? sacrilege! burn the heretic!" is generally the rallying cry. i have seriously met people that liked me up until i told them i dont like the fucking beatles, and then only tolerated me after i pandered a bit and oozed about how talented they were but they just "arent my thing, man."

today i actually held an informal, 45 second conversation with maintenance guy in which he looked at me instead of through me, and responded when i spoke instead of just rambling on. i guess the guy has his days.

what is the deal with the myspace time wasters? dont they know that there is mad cool shit to read/do on the internet at any given point at which you need to kill time because you're "bored so i'm doing this quiz" or "rape is a crime" (actual bulletin title)? i'm on myspace. i admit it. i like to check out all the bands i like that are on there, mad of my friends that arent in my area anymore are on there, its a useful tool as well as a way to waste mad time. BUT after you've customized your profile and put that song that i dont like on there (i really dont like any of them) and done about 10 quizzes and posted like 47 irrelevant bulletins and then reposted like mad more that were whack to begin with and are still whack even after you put your john's hand-cock on the bottom, dont you people get bored? dont you ever wonder just what the fuck else could i be wasting my time on via the internet? honestly people, there is a fuck of a lot more out there. it's a "whole nother" world once you get your sea legs and start toddling about the internet. this is only the truth, which i have been blessed with an uncanny ability to tell.

at work we have a cafeteria, or "canteen" as my british coworkers call it, and there are like 4 refrigerators to store your shit in while you work, presumably so it will be fresh when you get your break and you want to eat/drink it. apparently they are also there so that people can STEAL YOUR FUCKING PASTRAMI SANDWICH. i had a pastrami sandwich on an onion roll just chillin in there and as we all know i work mad overtime. so when everyone else is going home to eat their fill and do whatever it is that they do, i'm still working. and a little after everyone leaves, once i have fully used the calories consumed in my "lunch" 4 or 5 hours ago, and the coffee buzz wears off a bit, and i know that i am going to be working for at least another two hours, i get a little hungry. i dont need anything big, just maybe something like PASTRAMI ON AN ONION ROLL! that i painstakingly prepared myself! i have worked at this place for almost a year now and no one has ever stolen shit out the fridge, yo. however, we recently hired a bunch of god damn high school kids to do god knows what on the production floor. they are the only people in the plant with no fucking scruples or morals, those having been completely stripped away or never acquired in the first place while they grew up in the care of our imperial federal government schools.

that bitch had grey poupon on it. i know because i made it. sandwich thief, had you asked for the pastrami, i would have given it freely even if it was the last thing i had. but now, you will never be forgiven. you will burn in the hellfires of my dagger throwing eyes for centuries, until my omnipotence overwhelms your soul and you become no more than an endless ringing oscillation barely heard by the lowliest gutter dog, and

well its not really that bad.

but that bitch had grey poupon on it, yo!

*rolls down window* "excuse me sir, do you have any ILL GOTTEN SANDWICH?"

sz/sw out

1 comment:

Bunnywith said...

I'm kind of a hippie and I listen to techno. I say kind of a hippie, though I certainly don't fall into your definition of hippie. I think tie dye is a crime against humanity, and the beatles are annoying. But I care more about animals and trees than I do humans, so I'm gonna call myself a hippie.

I also have a myspace account. It makes me feel dirty, but I do. I try to ignore it.