Thursday, June 22, 2006

70 days / to my brother and sister

approximately 70 days until i leave here to truly begin living. poi. tae bo. weightlifting. bill paying. djing. clubbing. playing music. having my own space. holy eucharist, man. it seems like fereher, but in my experience fereher is neher long enough. it goes by faster than your stepdad can bust a massive fart.

i dont care if you are happy or sad, pissed off about something or someone, or jubilant about your latest epiphany or whatever. savor that shit, because tomorrow you'll wake up and your 23rd birthday is next week.

i dread getting old. and yes, after 28 you are old. and i will be 28 in 5.5 years. considering how fast the last 5 years have gone by, i am currently trying to live every fucking day to the fullest. if you're young and depressed, buck the fuck up. dont keep that shit about you. life goes on and there is nothing more depressing than being 30 and depressed.

i want you to dream, i want you to make those dreams come true. i want you to love and hate, i want you to feel every pain and every joy. please stop spending every day thinking you are nothing, because you are everything. find yourself. make yourself. BE YOURSELF. no one else will do it for you. i hope happiness finds you. i know it will, and i'll be there as much as i can.

poonem/sz/sw out

Monday, June 19, 2006

fresh meat for the grinder

new girl started today. it was funny to watch my bosses be all nervous and fawn all over her and act somewhat foolish in what appeared to be a fatherly yet somewhat lustful happiness that she had come to work with us. homegirl was quite nervous and more than a little shy, but hot damn can she work. she came in after orientation (you know that boring part at the start of every job where they show you videos and you do paperwork) and banged out a job order that would take most of our staff (excluding me of course, for it is known that i am the man) 4 or 5 hours in about 2 or 3. i was thoroughly impressed. oddly enough, she seemed to think it took her way too long. i think this one will work out. i hope her shyness dissipates a bit as the weeks wear on. she doesnt know the art of slacking (of which i am a decorated master) either. i suppose she will have to learn, or be left behind! ha!

the kicker? my bosses hired her because of her ass. but because of the blue ESD shirt we wear, you totally cant see it! ha! ha ha! the eye runny. get it? no? eat one then. i am rarely in the mood.

lets do some embedding! no, you can keep your clothes on. unless you really want to get naked...

recently i discovered youtube, and through it, the vlog. (vidlog, for the uninitiated or acronym deduction impaired) i pissed around watching people's vlogs for an hour or so. some were cool, like the american who lives in china:



or the german middle school kids:



the german middle school kids were actually interesting, although i didnt watch the whole thing. oddly enough i found plenty of other vlogs by middle school students that were totally boring, yet dealt with the same subject matter (or lack thereof). i guess its just cool because they are speaking german.

there were an unnerving amount of vlogs similar to this one with the middle school girl talking about nothing and having on way too much makeup. (this from an aspiring drag queen!)



by far the coolest one i found was this vlog that summed up my entire experience, right down to the last part. try to suffer through the whole thing and share this guy's pain.



another interesting phenomena is the number of deaf people with vlogs. i clicked on a few and there would be like some guy or girl speaking mad sign language. and these people had some of the more interesting vlogs, because there is mad debate over shit going on in the deaf vlogging community. the one that jumped out at me was this debate over whether or not deaf vlogs should be subtitled. i totally dont speak sign language so i would have to go with yeah, it would be cool if they were. but i can see how this would spark debate.

some of the vlogs i saw were dumb, some strange, some intriguing and some were downright disturbing. all in all, vlogs are just like blogs, by and large they are pretty fucking boring, and there are a shitload of them. A REAL HUGE FUCKING 5 TON SHITLOAD. plus the word vlog is totally whack just like the word blog. but if you look hard enough you stumble upon some that are worth checking out.

so of course i have been inspired to do one of these myself. i've seen enough bad ones to know what not to do, and i've got some ideas and a camera. so when the shit blows up its blowin up like your stepdad in the bathroom after 8 beers and a can of chili, bitch!

i also need some video editing software. i cant run windows movie maker on win98, (indeed, i live in the stone age) and most other free edit software is mad complicated. anybody know of some fairly easy to use, free/reasonably priced video editing programs?

sz/sw out

Friday, June 16, 2006

death rock

two decks. mixer. mic. yes, i could do weddings. if you're into that type of thing. i want to dj at clubs. weddings, bar mitzvahs, i could do those too. but i'm not your average joe dj, i dont play whitesnake and i dont know shit about the beatles. i often fantasize about doing sets at clubs on a goth or 80's nite, but one thing troubles me. i have a pretty massive music collection. i could do at least a 4 hour set, probably more. i could make a jammin mix tape in no time. but the thing that bothers me is, does anyone want to hear the shit i get down to?

the music i like is already several steps down in any sub genre tree you could imagine. in the US, its even further down the trunk, or up depending on the graph. i know a few people that listen to the goth/industrial genre, and know a bit about the shite. but what about all the sub-genres? what about noise? powernoize? medieval electro? death rock? super pop? all of these names mean different things to different people. but in the US, i have been to quite a few "goth" nites at various clubs, and have talked to a few "goth" people about music. we can all agree that cabaret voltaire and bauhaus or joy division are gothic rock. we know that VNV and apoptygma berzerk are definitely "goth industrial", but how broad is that shit? at what point did einsturzende neubauten become "goth industrial"? how about melotron? camouflage? the only thing they have in common is that they are electronic. they are no more goth than britney spears, if you consider the image and sometimes the subject matter, but at a certain point shit becomes ubiquitous within a subculture, whether it is bout it or not.

the thing that bothers me is that if i were to dj a set somewhere, i just couldnt be sure that people would like it. not to say that's what its all aboot, but djing is about making people move, dance, and enjoy themselves while they are out. so of course, to a certain extent, they are going to want to hear shit that they dig. this is where i run into a problem. in all of the goth (using the term loosely) clubs/parties i have been to, the dj has had a very limited knowledge of the hugely varied genres and bands that make up the electro/industrial/ebm/goth (whatever) scene. their sets are limited to maybe 15 or 20 acts that everyone knows about. VNV, APB, funker vogt, skinny puppy, NIN, wumpscut, assemblage 23, front line assembly, i mean i could go on, but not on and on. if the average motherfucker from my sub or sub-sub-subculture (however deep you want to go, and it does go that deep) took a look at my box of records, they wouldnt know what the fuck they are looking at. in strict confidence? girls under glass? trans-x? aslan faction? spetsnaz? l'ame immortelle? on and on, shit that you may or may not have heard, but all of it shit that i have never heard played live here in the states. ever.

the thing that bugs me is, will my sub-sub-subculture shit fly well enough that the crowd enjoys it? or will everybody just sit around off to the side until i throw on "let the wind erase me" which i think totally sucks? i like hip hop too, to a certain extent, but throwin on a few songs that i like at a club will not get the same reaction as puttin on the latest thing that is being shoved down their throats such as beyonce's latest vocal vomit "check up on it" with its infantile lyrics, annoying melody and dirt shit drumbeats.

so i'm dealing with an offbeat culture that revels in being out of the mainstream, but they totally have their own shit that is mainstream to them, and i dont like or own most of it. i am so far down the tunnel of underground music that there may be no turning back.

or i could move to europe. everybody knows this shit there. where do you think i get all this shit from?

in other news...

apparently the folks at work have found someone to replace the somewhat ditzy but nice coworker i used to have on nite shift. she moved to virginia for some reason. she was nice and all but i wasnt too broken up about it. in my line of work you lift heavy shit constantly. yet somehow the stockroom/receiving team is comprised of 60% women. older women, with recurring injuries. women who claim they cannot lift anything over 15 pounds (although the job description clearly states that you must be able to lift 50-70 lbs and up to 100 lbs at times) but i know that they go home and do laundry, and a basket of clothes can weigh as much as 20 lbs. gallon of milk? no problem. box of metal? sorry, call one of the dudes over. i am all for equal opportunity, for you right to do the same job as me, but dont you think you ought to be able to do the same job that i do if you are hired for it?

all that aside, we have enough strong people to get by, and i thoroughly enjoy most of my coworkers' company. the last girl that worked nites with me was nice, but i tell ya she was an mtv kinda kid. she drank to excess all the time with her friends, but then frowned at me and called me an alcoholic when i related the fact that i generally drink at least 2 beers a day (by myself, oh the horror!). she loved paris hilton and laguna beach, and all that shite. she was a nice enough kid, but just way too shallow for me. for christ's sake, she would lament to no end about how her parents were, say, buying her younger brother a new car because he wrecked his, but she cant get a new car too. "but you drive a 2005 mitsu lancer" i said. "yeah but its just not faaaairrr!". i kid you not. all that aside, i digress.

i've been working by myself for about 2 months now, and reveling in every minute of it. i love being alone at work. even the extra workload has not phased me. but in order for me to be able to call in sick or take some days off without my department getting fucked, i need someone else. so i knew eventually they would get somebody, and hoped that it would be someone who could literally pull their own weight, as in i wouldnt have to lift all of their heavy shit as well as the stuff i have to deal with on a daily basis, which is the way it was with the last girl.

but lo and behold, a couple days ago i walked in to hear my two (count em two) bosses chattering about someone they just interviewed for the position. one looked at me and said "ooooh man if this goes through you owe us man, you owe us." of course i'm like "dude what the hell are you going on about" and through their ramblings i figure out that they have interviewed some young woman for the position that is currently empty, namely my right hand (wo)man on nite shift. why should i owe you? its your job to hire someone else, seeing as how we are short staffed, i'm thinking. "she's hot man, she's hot" they say. oh great, you are hiring another girl that cant pull her fucking weight around here, i am going to have to listen to her incessant chatter about mtv and fallout boy, and be her little bitch when it comes to lifting anything over 5 pounds. thanks guys, i really "owe you one".

you know, until today i really thought that most people were hired on their merits, and not their looks/race/connections. i am so totally wrong.

the really irritating thing is how they assume that i am some sort of lecher, and start telling me that i need to "stay off of her" because she's only 19. i keep telling them, i dont give a flying pig's fuck who she is, what she looks like, or whose neice she is, all i want is someone with a strong back who can follow directions. of course, this seems absurd and they havent listened to me since i started saying this. and the whole time they are assuming i am just some skag out to bag her in the screw room (we really have a stockroom called the screw room) is totally offensive to me. but i have to play along with their macho bullshit, and they have no idea about the fact that i will never have another girlfriend, nor the fact that i prefer men, because hell if i told them that then my job would be at the least uncomfortable, and at the most in serious jeopardy. yeah, it's that kind of town.

so my question is, if i'm the one that needs to stay off of her 19 year old ass, then why are you hiring her specifically because of the fact that you will now be able to stare at said hind quarters all day?

i dont fucking get it. and my back doesnt get it either.

sz/sw out.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

mad breaks

most of my friends are hippies. not really stereotypical hippies, but they like the beatles and tie dye and the grateful dead. they enjoy discussing the intricacies of beatles songs and tend to smoke a lot of dope. personally, i listen to techno and drink a lot of booze. oddly enough, i have known my friends long enough and we have just enough in common that we can still manage to hang out even with all of our lifestyle discrepancies. their taste in music is generally horrible, so i am subjected to a lot of hippie shit when we chill/party. however, once the atmosphere is loosened and lubricated by mind altering substances, i can play a little game i like to call:

MAKE HIPPIES LISTEN TO TECHNO.

its mad fun. once everybody gets to a certain point i can generally sneak up to the music box and infiltrate one of my cds into the mix. then i see how long it plays before the hippies notice and try to deny my 1st amendment right to play techno because they dont like it. (is that really covered under the 1st amendment? well it is now, damn it.) usually this doesnt last for even a third of the song, because hippie ears are very sensitive to the harsh shit that i listen to. but i will do it again and again throughout the night, without fail, until the party is over. somehow it never gets old. plus i get a short break from all the god damn beatles songs. what the hell is the deal with the beatles anyway? sure, they are one of the most influential bands of all time, and their innovation helped shape modern music, blah blah blah. i wont say they werent talented, because they were. they had what it takes to be a good band. but notice the past tense. had. i'm not saying that just because a band is old that they automatically suck, but come on. the shit is oldies, man. most people hear the beatles and think, "wow, this is a great song." doesnt matter which one, they are all great in a beatles fan's mind. but most of that shit just sounds fucking ear shatteringly putrid to me. most of the lyrics are completely trite, vacuous prose, and many of the melodies are ear piercingly shrill. not to mention lennon/mcartney's voice. yikes, man.

but that's just me, honestly. i am probably the only person on this god forsaken planet that will actually admit that i dont like the beatles. "what? you dont like the beatles? sacrilege! burn the heretic!" is generally the rallying cry. i have seriously met people that liked me up until i told them i dont like the fucking beatles, and then only tolerated me after i pandered a bit and oozed about how talented they were but they just "arent my thing, man."

today i actually held an informal, 45 second conversation with maintenance guy in which he looked at me instead of through me, and responded when i spoke instead of just rambling on. i guess the guy has his days.

what is the deal with the myspace time wasters? dont they know that there is mad cool shit to read/do on the internet at any given point at which you need to kill time because you're "bored so i'm doing this quiz" or "rape is a crime" (actual bulletin title)? i'm on myspace. i admit it. i like to check out all the bands i like that are on there, mad of my friends that arent in my area anymore are on there, its a useful tool as well as a way to waste mad time. BUT after you've customized your profile and put that song that i dont like on there (i really dont like any of them) and done about 10 quizzes and posted like 47 irrelevant bulletins and then reposted like mad more that were whack to begin with and are still whack even after you put your john's hand-cock on the bottom, dont you people get bored? dont you ever wonder just what the fuck else could i be wasting my time on via the internet? honestly people, there is a fuck of a lot more out there. it's a "whole nother" world once you get your sea legs and start toddling about the internet. this is only the truth, which i have been blessed with an uncanny ability to tell.

at work we have a cafeteria, or "canteen" as my british coworkers call it, and there are like 4 refrigerators to store your shit in while you work, presumably so it will be fresh when you get your break and you want to eat/drink it. apparently they are also there so that people can STEAL YOUR FUCKING PASTRAMI SANDWICH. i had a pastrami sandwich on an onion roll just chillin in there and as we all know i work mad overtime. so when everyone else is going home to eat their fill and do whatever it is that they do, i'm still working. and a little after everyone leaves, once i have fully used the calories consumed in my "lunch" 4 or 5 hours ago, and the coffee buzz wears off a bit, and i know that i am going to be working for at least another two hours, i get a little hungry. i dont need anything big, just maybe something like PASTRAMI ON AN ONION ROLL! that i painstakingly prepared myself! i have worked at this place for almost a year now and no one has ever stolen shit out the fridge, yo. however, we recently hired a bunch of god damn high school kids to do god knows what on the production floor. they are the only people in the plant with no fucking scruples or morals, those having been completely stripped away or never acquired in the first place while they grew up in the care of our imperial federal government schools.

that bitch had grey poupon on it. i know because i made it. sandwich thief, had you asked for the pastrami, i would have given it freely even if it was the last thing i had. but now, you will never be forgiven. you will burn in the hellfires of my dagger throwing eyes for centuries, until my omnipotence overwhelms your soul and you become no more than an endless ringing oscillation barely heard by the lowliest gutter dog, and

well its not really that bad.

but that bitch had grey poupon on it, yo!

*rolls down window* "excuse me sir, do you have any ILL GOTTEN SANDWICH?"

sz/sw out

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

damn this unholy post dawn sunshine. by the time i get home from work and get shit squared away to the point where i can waste time on the internet until i get tired (which never really happens) the fucking sun comes up. people are waking up, brewing coffee, getting the paper and having a good fart before going about their busy days. how about, like, three more hours of darkness, please?

the maintenance guy at my place of employment is a total whack job. not total, he's a good cat and all, but definitely eccentric. basically the wierd thing about this guy is that he talks to himself. more than i do. more than anyone i have ever met. and he does it while you are standing right next to him. even when he's looking right at you in an attempt to feign conversation, he is still just talking to himself. i'll try to respond and converse normally but he'll just keep right on talking, staring straight through me like some sort of tunisian warlord.

breaking news: the worst thing about my lifestyle right now is that i am near totally introverted by way of my schedule. get up at 3 to be at work by 3, get there 20 minutes late. work until 230 am. well, when i say "work" its sort of subjective because all i really do is bullshit on the internet for at least 4 hours, leave for lunch without clocking out, and then around 10 or 11 i bust ass like there's no tomorrow to make it look like i really worked for 12 hours. so far, this has been an effective strategy.

but back to my schedule and the way it has destroyed my life. everyone i know, my family (whom i live with, much to the detriment of my otherwise bacheloresque lifestyle) included, operates in/on normal human time. which consists of getting up before like, dusk. and going to bed before midnight. in six minutes someone in my house will wake up, fart really loud, and start their day as i am just forcing myself to go to sleep. so this really puts the towel on my rack, so to speak. when i could be lifting weights and doing tae bo in the living room, everyone in the house is snoring. when i could be drinking and chainsmoking by the computer (well i cant smoke inside, much to my inner bachelor's chagrin) while reading random blogs and flaming people anonymously, they are starting to stir in their beds, eager to get up and do whatever it is that they do all day. and thats just at home!

all of my friends are on this same type of normal human schedule. so while i'm busting down 12 hours worth of work in 4 hours, my friends are finishing their beers and getting ready to go home to their wives/dogs/porn/tv and then off to bed. so when i'm done at work i wind up with nothing to do but clandestinely drink at the computer and smoke outside. the kicker is that once i really get down to brass tits and i'm about to catch a buzz and maybe be able to sleep, everyone gets up, so i have to stop drinking.

i cant win. i need to move the hell back out of here. i have absolutely no problem with rarely seeing my friends or family because of our differing schedules. but if i am the only one who lives like this, wouldnt it make more sense for me to be truly alone? like in my own domain type of thing.

i think so. i would keep writing but people are getting up and disrupting my flow. i just heard a massive fart.

see what i mean?

sz/sw out

Friday, June 09, 2006

put up some new links. check em.

much love to the blogger navbar's random feature and mic litter for getting me posting again. for obvious reasons. or not.

and thanks to me for fixing the comp so i can get online at home! i'm the fucking greatest. dont you think? yeah, i thought so.

sw/sz out
three wishes...

this comes up often when i'm daydreaming. i've considered many options over the years, thought extensively on what i would do when presented with the typical genie/lamp/rubbing scenario. wealth beyond my wildest dreams? no, not really. great power and rule over other people? overrated. ability to fly? please.

think language, people. to be able to read and write every human language ever spoken or written on this planet. to revoke the biblical story of babel, at least for myself, and have every communication barrier stripped away. to know what that sign in chinatown says. to greet and converse with the indian, the pakistani, the latino, the rapper. to break down one of the strongest barriers between cultures: language. i meet so many great people every day, but will never get to know many of them because they dont speak my language, and vice versa.

civilization began when we started to communicate and cooperate. modern society would not exist if people could not share their ideas. if only i could get hold of one of those universal translators that they use in star trek to convert any language into english. seriously, am i alone here? dont you remember the episode of DS9 when quark and his brother get sent back in time/space to civil war era america? their universal translators malfunctioned? there was that whole scene where they were hitting their heads to make them work and then the soldiers started doing it because they thought it was a greeting and

well i'll spare you any more of that. be warned, the whole staticwarp thing is a not so thinly veiled star trek reference. it comes up a lot. for me. mostly because i talk to myself. a lot.

"if we could recalibrate the phase inducers to create an inverse tachyon pulse, we could direct it at the anomaly and create a static warp shell, which could reverse the devastating havoc it is wreaking on the space/time continuum."

oh yes.

but seriously, three wishes. i know what my first would be. anyone else care to share?

sz/sw out

Thursday, June 08, 2006

i work for a company called filtronic comtek, which is "like, totally international". the company started in the UK, then branched out overseas, and now has locations all over europe, a few in china, and a few here in the states. one of the cool things about working for an international company is that when they need something done in a certain location but dont have the manpower readily available, they take some extra people from one place and ship them temporarily to another. such was the case last week, when a guy named joe got shipped over here from west yorkshire, england.

he was only here for a few days, but in those days he and i became friends and i had an opportunity to get a european perspective on all kinds of things from alcohol to fights to politics and more.

i found out that in the UK people get into bar fights all the fucking time. also bartenders and waitstaff are paid a standard wage instead of working for tips. he asked me why they work for tips here and get paid less than minimum wage, and after i asked him a few questions i figured out that the average entree in the UK costs about twice as much as it does here, and you get less food. he said that when he went to outback steakhouse he had to pick his jaw up off the ground because they just kept putting food on the table, even though he only ordered one thing. i attribute this to the decrease in labor cost that restaurants here enjoy because waitstaff and bartenders rely on their good service to get the customer to pay their bills instead of the company. i then had the chance to see him tip a bartender for the first time. i found out that the average truck or SUV that is so common here would never be seen on the roads in the UK, because they just wouldnt fit!

he had a lot of stories to tell, and we talked about all types of shit. the conversation eventually came round to politics and the "issues", as it inevitably does. i found that we agreed on quite a lot of things, and were similarly frustrated at the problems facing the average citizen today. when the topic eventually came round to muslims, his mood visibly darkened. now before the liberal in you cries racism and condemns this man as a backwoods, blair/bush loving conservative bible thumper narrow minded sloth, hear me out.

he told me, in no uncertain terms, about the muslim takeover of europe. anyone with eyes, ears and a brain can see that it is happening, so long as they dont make a special effort to deny the facts and accept the media blackout. he told me about the takeover of entire neighborhoods. about how on his block he is one of the few non muslim people left. about how muslims are coming into europe and taking advantage of every little inch that the liberal and free society will give them, forcing them to surrender miles more, and then quite literally looking down on europeans and shaming them by saying, "well what have you done for us?" already they are beginning to demand that europeans abide by muslim laws.

i cant recall all the horror stories he told me. but i remember well his description of the situation. "y'see, it's like right now europe is the titanic. and we're at the stage where we've just hit the iceberg, the captain's told everyone to remain calm, and everyone's playing football on deck with the ice. but right under them, the ship's taking on water. pretty soon we'll be all the way under. that's why i'm getting out. that's why my mates and my family want to get out too."

i've heard leftist radicals in this country talk about wanting to move to europe just because bush is in office. if you ask me, a two term president who pushes his own agenda before that of the people is not enough to warrant desertion of one's homeland. an unofficial hostile takeover, however, would be a different story. perhaps some people would be content to live in europe under sharia law. america has its problems, but it's still one of the best places on earth to be born and to live. right now its smooth sailing, but i suggest we keep our eyes out for the iceberg.

sz out

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

i havent posted here in a while. today i'm going to write about why.

i started this particular site as a way to get into the newsblog/punditry thing, hence the name. i have always had a certain soft spot in my cold, black little heart for current issues, and when i analyze them and think about them i can usually come up with some pretty intelligent things to say about them. i was also inspired by the likes of gatewaypundit, michelle malkin, and neal boortz. i was also very bored at the time and i had an old, slow laptop in front of me that was only good for pissing about on the internet. i also needed an outlet with which to talk about these things without getting into a pissing match with someone who disagreed with me.

so why did i stop? well, think for a moment about any conversation you've ever had with anyone about politics or current events (i'm not talking about american idol or laguna beach). chances are it became somewhat heated, whether you agreed with one another or not. it takes passion to blog about this shit. you have to be fired up about it. why do you think all those protesters look so pissed off? why do you think the most successful pundits are perpetually disgruntled? because that's what enables you to talk about the same issues for months on end. to take sides. to care at all about the process, the politics, the people, the killing, the money, the power, the issues. after a while i started noticing the way my favorite pundits wind up bringing out the same talking points, recycling pet causes, basically becoming redundant. but they never lost their passion for what they were talking about. i did. i cant force myself to care so vigorously about an issue that i stay pissed off about it once i come up with a solution. not that my ideas will ever be implemented. but when sensible people think things through, work together to find real solutions and apply them cooperatively, things get done. our government is not composed of sensible people. neither is the majority of our population. that is why things dont get done.

i need a beer.

got it. thats why i stopped writing about politics. about news. about issues. the redundancy of it all wore away at me until i couldnt force myself to care. now i settle for reading about it, commenting on it, thinking about it, and letting it go. this site started as a place to rant about the issues. but i think that the issues are but a small part of its destiny. i'll never lose my passion completely, but i recognize the futility of punditry, and it's just not fun enough to stay mad about this shit if you arent getting paid to do so.

so the next post will probably have something to do with talking cereal, or mature water buffalo porn.

sz out